Gabriel starts to wrap the telephone cord around Leo's neck.

Open Thread: Comment Live, Corona Bali Protected, Day Four:

Real time peanut throwing!

It’s Sunday afternoon in the US; a sparkling autumn morning on the Australian east coast.

In Bali, where it is just after seven am, oily three-foot lines are curling over the Keramas reef. Right now, the world champion Gabriel Medina is in the drink against the resurrected Italian Leonardo Fioravanti.

Upcoming heats include Filipe v Ryan Callinan, Julian Wilson v M.Rodrigues and Kelly Slater v Michel Bourez.

Schedule below.

Feel free to loose lips in comment pane.

Corona Bali Protected Remaining Men’s Round 3 (Round of 32) Matchups:
Heat 13: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 14: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 15: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 16: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 4 (Round of 16) Matchups:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
Heat 2: Joan Duru (FRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 3: Jack Freestone (AUS) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Heat 4: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 6: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Michel Bourez (FRA)
Heat 7: TBD
Heat 8: TBD
 

 

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Question: Do you watch professional surfing to see someone win or see someone lose?

Do you crave the agony of defeat or the thrill of victory?

I took a few hours out of my busy day yesterday to watch professional surfing. You were there too, I think, watching with me, watching John Duru versus John Florence (pronunciation Luke Egan’s) and what did you think of that heat? Impressed? Infuriated?

More curiously, for whom were you cheering?

John (Duru) or John (Florence)?

Most curiously, though, why were you cheering?

Were you cheering for John (either) to win or to lose?

I’ll be honest with you here. I was cheering for John (Florence) to lose but why? I think he is a fine champion, very much enjoy the way he surfs and hope that when the season swings to Pipeline he is neck and neck with Filipe Toledo and Gabriel Medina for the crown but yesterday against John (Duru) I was quietly pumping my fist while those around me groaned.

Now, it is rude to admit so what was my problem? I sat and thought about what my problem was and first settled upon my upbringing. My father would always cheer for the underdog every time and I followed right along there. Cheering for the hard-luck kids/teams but that wasn’t what was happening yesterday. I wasn’t cheering for John (Duru) to win. I was cheering for John (Florence) to lose.

After more consideration, I concluded that I’m a bad seed. Rude. Incorrigible. Unlovable and it would serve society if I was lobotomized. I enjoy watching the agony of defeat more than I enjoy watching the thrill of victory but what about you?

Where do you stand on this important issue?

Can you share with the group?

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Nobody cuts through the Indonesian grease like Filipe Toledo, 23, from Ubatuba, Brazil.

Corona Bali Protected, Day Three: “John John seethes; Kelly comes to life; Filipe, unbeatable!”

Who's gonna beat Filipe at head-high Keramas? Anyone?

Tough day comrades, with scoring all over the place and my judgement not as sharp as it could be. I wanted a change of government in Australia and when that didn’t happen a joyless drunken evening morphed into the kind of dour hangover that makes you think of all kinds of nasty things.

The problem for the judges started in heat one with Julian Wilson getting a 6.4 for a toy little head-high tube with a doggy door exit that any sixteen-year-old kid or forty-year-old plumber could have threaded.

That pretty much fucked the scale for the rest of the day.

Jaddy had scored threes for multiple backhand hooks with completions. Confusion about what was good surfing and how to score it was now ingrained in the booth.

Yago completely failed to fire in heat two, another theme for the day. Certain surfers just could not get out of the blocks in slow conditions. One failed air, two failed airs and the heat was over. M-Rod was also over-scored based on the Wilson over-scores.

All of which meant that coming into the marquee heat of the day, John John Florence vs Joan Duru, judges had less idea about how to score than Luke Egan did in pronouncing Joan.

In saying that, I will advance an unpopular view that judges got the result right. Based on my notes and going back to the heat analyser.

Joan’s opening waves with really crisp vertical slices and a big power hook cutdown were under-scored. An almost four-point spread between Florence and Duru was clearly disconnected from reality.

Quite clearly insane.

John’s waves were incompleted. You got the strong feeling judges were, as they say in a modern men’s circle,“holding space” for him. He fell, and fell again.

It was reminiscent of his final with Adriano at Margaret River in 2015. Miss the end section and lose the heat. In the end, judges paid a late vertical hit from Duru with a heat-winning score and were gifted a final wave from John where he fell on an opening turn.

John was seething in the presser. Through gritted teeth he called it a “tricky heat” and said he was on his way to review the Duru winning wave. He did not use the word “fun” once.

His mohawk, for the first time this season, seemed appropriate.

The other significant feature of the day, the return of the extinct air, was showcased in heat five. Jack Freestone greased an Alley Oop, which, correct if wrong, has barely been sighted since 2013.

Another slick opening turn air was similarly scored in the five range. The quagmire of five and sixes had not been breached in the previous heat with Wade and Deivid Silva.

It did beg the question, almost but not quite asked by Ronnie Blakey, what is good surfing?

Italo was just not there. Injured, off kilter, looking really weird and kooky with his front moon bootie. No man in the history of Planet Earth has managed to look competent rocking a single bootie look.

You disagree? Example then?

Rosie tried to bait Kolohe into committing to an aerial attack before his heat with Ricardo Christie but he wisely said he was going to take what the wave offered him before promptly sticking two big rotations, the first of which seemed to defeat time and gravity temporarily by fluttering in the breeze on the re-entry. Judges finally felt comfortable going into the sevens.

If the best 34 surfers in the world can’t reach that top in greasy head-high Indonesian perfection what hard questions need to be asked about the standard of surfing proffered?

Brother was pumped on the compressed scoring scale. “It’s great the scale is down,” he said. “It leaves a lot of room at the top.”

True story but if the best 34 surfers in the world can’t reach that top in greasy head-high Indonesian perfection what hard questions need to be asked about the standard of surfing proffered?

I think some kind of detente between judges, the scale and the world’s best is becoming a glaring necessity if they want to maintain the illusion of an elite product. The numbers are not flattering.

The one surfer that judges have decreed excellent at Keramas flew through the air repeatedly without a make. Luckily for Filipe, Ciao Ibelli sat mute out the back waiting for waves that never came. When Filipe finally did combo up a big hack to slide, fins out punch and air reverse ending you could smell the relief in the judges booth when they finally gave a number greater than eight.

Did you see the Kelly heat? Made you feel good didn’t it. Come on, even the biggest Kelly hater was silently cheering. A tonic. Made my bitter hangover more endurable, made life all of a sudden plausible again.

Ibelli dragged another aerial from beneath the permafrost of extinction but even that souped-up Superman wasn’t enough to get him back in the heat.

Did you see the Kelly heat? Made you feel good didn’t it.

Come on, even the biggest Kelly hater was silently cheering. A tonic. Made my bitter hangover more endurable, made life all of a sudden plausible again.

Kelly said the “first exchange will set the pace of the heat” and he was close enough. They both put ones on the board before an exchange of set waves saw Kelly tuck his carcass in behind a delectable little knuckle of Indian ocean juice and give it a couple of love taps for a 6.33.

Warm water makes old bones feel young and you could see the old man come to life in a way he couldn’t at Bells. He took to the air before finding a little speed run under priority. Like the seeding round he unleashed the turn of the day, a slightly different, more classic Slater power snap. Judges lowballed it a six, but in the context of the heat it was more than enough to send Owen packing.

Matt George, again, provided highlights in the booth. This self-appointed spokesman for Indonesian surfing called Kelly Slater the “George Foreman of surfing”. That is a stretch comparing Kelly to the greatest pitch man in history but Kelly still has a long way to run. A lot of things to pitch for. Maybe not steak knives and non-stick grills but those Aipa’s sure look sizzling under his feet.

The tide ran out and the waves stopped. I think we will come back tomorrow and do it all again.

Can you see Filipe being beaten in head-high Keramas, cause I sure can’t.

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 3 (Round of 32) Results:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) 12.23 DEF. Jadson Andre (BRA) 8.00
Heat 2: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 12.27 DEF. Yago Dora (BRA) 3.57
Heat 3: Joan Duru (FRA) 12.14 DEF. John John Florence (HAW) 12.04
Heat 4: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 11.63 DEF. Deivid Silva (BRA) 11.44
Heat 5: Jack Freestone (AUS) 11.26 DEF. Italo Ferreira (BRA) 4.77
Heat 6: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 13.74 DEF. Willian Cardoso (BRA) 11.34
Heat 7: Conner Coffin (USA) 10.33 DEF. Griffin Colapinto (USA) 7.33
Heat 8: Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.54 DEF. Ricardo Christie (NZL) 8.37
Heat 9: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 13.00 DEF. Caio Ibelli (BRA) 7.13
Heat 10: Ryan Callinan (AUS) 11.76 DEF. Seth Moniz (HAW) 9.50
Heat 11: Kelly Slater (USA) 12.50 DEF. Owen Wright (AUS) 8.30
Heat 12: Michel Bourez (FRA) 9.13 DEF. Rio Waida (IDN) 8.10

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 3 (Round of 32) Matchups:
Heat 13: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 14: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 15: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Peterson Crisanto (BRA)
Heat 16: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)

Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 4 (Round of 16) Matchups:
Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
Heat 2: Joan Duru (FRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 3: Jack Freestone (AUS) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Heat 4: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 6: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Michel Bourez (FRA)
Heat 7: TBD
Heat 8: TBD

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Open Thread: Comment live, Day Three, Corona Bali Protected!

All your favorites back in the water!

A full set of waves just went unridden. Pottz mocked the competitors. Turpel added something drab. Where are you? What are you doing? Tensions are extremely high right now. Backs are against the wall and we have a perfect swell angle with a little shadowing from Australia but it fits right into Keramas with improving conditions.

Can you say M-Rod?

“Just not finishing that first ride but some great hangtime and…” sorry. I’m acting like a court reporter here, live blogging what Pottz is saying.

That man is the worst person who has ever been let into a broadcast booth.

Ever.

Watch here and discuss!

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Linguistics: Speak your true surfer feelings into existence today!

Halusinabido: The belief that your non-surfing spouse/partner will one day understand.

Have you ever felt the strange wistfulness of being in a used bookshop? Have you ever been sent into a fit of exhaustion inspired by acts of selfless violence? Have you ever had the frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time?

There are words for these feelings. Respectively, they are vellichor, kuebiko and onism.

Below is the 2019 updated list of surf-related terms one may feel but can’t explain.

Kepsafolinus: The logical realization that you were, in fact, condemning yourself when you compulsively verbally abused the blameless ocean after not getting into that wave.

Chrüdwing: A confluence of elation and terror in knowing that you’re paddling out but will most likely injure yourself gravely before making it back to shore.

Ob: The erroneous belief that sharks don’t swim in water this shallow.

Jaterska: A state that allows one to maintain the belief that they’re a kind-hearted human while feeling rage at fellow surfers in the water. Jasterska Postus: A subsequent state of existential confusion upon hearing one’s toddler ask if they “had fun playing in the aqua” upon returning to the beach.

Fusstalitosis: An irrational, momentary belief among atheists that — after being caught inside for an extended period of time — they were wrong about religion, have entered purgatory and will spend the rest of time unsuccessfully trying to make it back outside.

Aquanolanosis: A sleep-dream state whereby laws of physics bend to your subconscious will as waves break in all six directions of the hexagonal paradigm.

Rudital: A low-grade, pseudo-somatic anxiety that one will never see loved ones again brought on by floating in the ocean for over four hours. Ruditalspexal – A derivative whereby the anxiety degenerates to the unwavering fear that everyone on land has perished in torturous agony as a result of a nerve bomb.

Vit: The belief that the universe has fated this set wave to you alone.

Mauex: The sudden realization that the verbal thrashing you’ve been unloading on fellow surfer for the past two minutes has, in fact, all been in your mind.

Olafaction: Acute sexual arousal sprung from ingesting the shampoo odor of a female passerby in the water. Olafaction Postus: Subsequent paranoia that the odor may have been from that hippie guy.

Oglielous: The recognition that the person in the neon-colored wetsuit you pegged a kook surfs better than you do.

Fintrial: An occurrence whereby someone on the the beach overhears you hoot during a solo session.

Womboozium: The amniotic tranquility derived from losing all sense of time while floating in salt water believed to be nostalgia for the womb.

Ringkong: A state of paranoia that everyone wishes you would just paddle the fuck in.

Halusinabido: The belief that your non-surfing spouse/partner will one day understand.

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