Halusinabido: The belief that your non-surfing spouse/partner will one day understand.
Have you ever felt the strange wistfulness of being in a used bookshop? Have you ever been sent into a fit of exhaustion inspired by acts of selfless violence? Have you ever had the frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time?
There are words for these feelings. Respectively, they are vellichor, kuebiko and onism.
Below is the 2019 updated list of surf-related terms one may feel but can’t explain.
Kepsafolinus: The logical realization that you were, in fact, condemning yourself when you compulsively verbally abused the blameless ocean after not getting into that wave.
Chrüdwing: A confluence of elation and terror in knowing that you’re paddling out but will most likely injure yourself gravely before making it back to shore.
Ob: The erroneous belief that sharks don’t swim in water this shallow.
Jaterska: A state that allows one to maintain the belief that they’re a kind-hearted human while feeling rage at fellow surfers in the water. Jasterska Postus: A subsequent state of existential confusion upon hearing one’s toddler ask if they “had fun playing in the aqua” upon returning to the beach.
Fusstalitosis: An irrational, momentary belief among atheists that — after being caught inside for an extended period of time — they were wrong about religion, have entered purgatory and will spend the rest of time unsuccessfully trying to make it back outside.
Aquanolanosis: A sleep-dream state whereby laws of physics bend to your subconscious will as waves break in all six directions of the hexagonal paradigm.
Rudital: A low-grade, pseudo-somatic anxiety that one will never see loved ones again brought on by floating in the ocean for over four hours. Ruditalspexal – A derivative whereby the anxiety degenerates to the unwavering fear that everyone on land has perished in torturous agony as a result of a nerve bomb.
Vit: The belief that the universe has fated this set wave to you alone.
Mauex: The sudden realization that the verbal thrashing you’ve been unloading on fellow surfer for the past two minutes has, in fact, all been in your mind.
Olafaction: Acute sexual arousal sprung from ingesting the shampoo odor of a female passerby in the water. Olafaction Postus: Subsequent paranoia that the odor may have been from that hippie guy.
Oglielous: The recognition that the person in the neon-colored wetsuit you pegged a kook surfs better than you do.
Fintrial: An occurrence whereby someone on the the beach overhears you hoot during a solo session.
Womboozium: The amniotic tranquility derived from losing all sense of time while floating in salt water believed to be nostalgia for the womb.
Ringkong: A state of paranoia that everyone wishes you would just paddle the fuck in.
Halusinabido: The belief that your non-surfing spouse/partner will one day understand.