Halusinabido: The belief that your non-surfing spouse/partner will one day understand.
Have you ever felt the strange wistfulness of being in a used bookshop? Have you ever been sent into a fit of exhaustion inspired by acts of selfless violence? Have you ever had the frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time?
There are words for these feelings. Respectively, they are vellichor, kuebiko and onism.
Below is the 2019 updated list of surf-related terms one may feel but can’t explain.
Kepsafolinus: The logical realization that you were, in fact, condemning yourself when you compulsively verbally abused the blameless ocean after not getting into that wave.
Chrüdwing: A confluence of elation and terror in knowing that you’re paddling out but will most likely injure yourself gravely before making it back to shore.
Ob: The erroneous belief that sharks don’t swim in water this shallow.
Jaterska: A state that allows one to maintain the belief that they’re a kind-hearted human while feeling rage at fellow surfers in the water. Jasterska Postus: A subsequent state of existential confusion upon hearing one’s toddler ask if they “had fun playing in the aqua” upon returning to the beach.
Fusstalitosis: An irrational, momentary belief among atheists that — after being caught inside for an extended period of time — they were wrong about religion, have entered purgatory and will spend the rest of time unsuccessfully trying to make it back outside.
Aquanolanosis: A sleep-dream state whereby laws of physics bend to your subconscious will as waves break in all six directions of the hexagonal paradigm.
Rudital: A low-grade, pseudo-somatic anxiety that one will never see loved ones again brought on by floating in the ocean for over four hours. Ruditalspexal – A derivative whereby the anxiety degenerates to the unwavering fear that everyone on land has perished in torturous agony as a result of a nerve bomb.
Vit: The belief that the universe has fated this set wave to you alone.
Mauex: The sudden realization that the verbal thrashing you’ve been unloading on fellow surfer for the past two minutes has, in fact, all been in your mind.
Olafaction: Acute sexual arousal sprung from ingesting the shampoo odor of a female passerby in the water. Olafaction Postus: Subsequent paranoia that the odor may have been from that hippie guy.
Oglielous: The recognition that the person in the neon-colored wetsuit you pegged a kook surfs better than you do.
Fintrial: An occurrence whereby someone on the the beach overhears you hoot during a solo session.
Womboozium: The amniotic tranquility derived from losing all sense of time while floating in salt water believed to be nostalgia for the womb.
Ringkong: A state of paranoia that everyone wishes you would just paddle the fuck in.
Halusinabido: The belief that your non-surfing spouse/partner will one day understand.
Aberplexed: the confusion caused by tryin to choose the correct board for the surf conditions
Putanescment: the moment you get out back, catch a wave and realise you’re on the wrong board for the conditions
This is just the best..
Smurf, you are a surf linguistics sage and I intend to learn and use this new speak. Beach Grit’s own Pinker or Chomsky. The Language instinct/surf lexicon development prowess is strong in this one. I suffered a strong sense of Ringkong only yesterday, and quickly shut it down by distancing myself both mentally and physically from the pack, picked off a gem, then went in.
Gobbledygook.
Haha
Funny as a Chas book.
Fuck Connors turns are sick.
who is the chick in the picture?
I wanna know too
8? JJF is being gifted. Pfffttttttt….
my bad, two wave score…
Fusstalitosis : I once did 45 consecutive duck dives but couldn’t make the 20m extra to get out the back , and as an atheist I was very happy to blame non existent Gods , instead of letting myself get washed in and doing the walk of shame .
You had no choice amigo. Honor isn’t always “fair”.
It’s a great day
Surfs on
Sun’s out
Socialist scum defeated
Thank Queensland Bex , the Bible Belt of Oz . Wondering if the Abbot will continue surfing now he no longer needs your vote ? His career sent downhill by a skier ….
He’s a great Australian.
Steggs wiil be gone by next election
The libs suckered Getup into Manly and they fell for it.
People have spoken and they said
Fuk off Labor cunts
Are you related ?
I wish!
These terms also sound like Australian towns.
Like Koolyanobbing – what an old man barks at you at the beach when he happens upon your gal helping restore your confidence after you got thoroughly humiliated by failing to successfully navigate the impact zone, resulting in you completely giving up surfing the best swell of the year.
I’m glad JW made his heat. Do these guys watch their interviews? He said um more times than Joe says Jam.
contest on?
Yep. Shoulder high but improving.
can’t believe how built up that beach has become.
Yago comes up empty…. so out of position. There is a difference between “patience” and just doing the job.
catch waves you fuckers. That’ll be 20% thank you.
Is that really a picture of Charles Manson? That might be in bad taste and a little (a lot) offensive to some……
Then it’s probably best you grab your moral compass and find your way back to your helter skelter shelter where you’ll be safe.
No one’s got time nor need for your life lessons around here Freerider.
I quite like it.
Gambitodumkunt – when you put $2 on entire rd 3 for $25mill return?
As much as I love him I hope you didn’t pick Jadson ?
What a win for sanity ay!
yep – hence the Dumkunt part – thought first heat a chance surprise on JW. Backed myself on 2 other bets without him tho!!
Did you pick Joan Joan ?
hedged either way – watched Joan tear apart some French beachies so he had good odds
Now that’s a fucking English lesson I never was taught. All the right words to describe my last trip to Mexico during a 11′ @ 20 second straight south swell. You almost describe every session over that 10 days.
Nice typing Smurfaholic