"I decided it would be a super good idea to get a hard-hitting interview ahead of the contest, especially being as I am a very important surf journalist."
"If the sport is going to progress at all, it has to stop with the hand-holding. Just run some heats already."
After Margaret River, the Scimitar of Doom is retired, cast aside like last night’s prom dress.
The sand’s running fast from these particular hourglasses.
"I actually screamed when I saw the score drop. Like seriously? A 4.60 for a completed air? Bitch, please."
"This energy comes from (male) coaches… I'm begging them to bring their skills in the air to heat surfing."
" It looked so fun in the pictures! Blue water, blue sky, bikinis all day — what a bunch of fucking lies!"
"I’m not sure how to break it to these delusional fool dads that their son is not going to be the next John Florence."
"I’ll confess I had to read that multiple times to believe it. I wondered if it was opposites day and no one had told me."
This edition of Pipe has felt like both the longest and the shortest ever: Schrödinger’s surf contest.
Are you just so super excited for professional surfing to begin again? You’re not. Well. Ready or not, it’s going to happen…
Live life to the fullest and be beautiful!
Can Surfline convince all these lost souls to find the right spot for their abilities? I don’t hate them for trying!
Five women advance to the 2025 Championship Tour. Five is not enough women, but life has a way of dealing out numerous disappointments…
Just like that, Surfline Man’s dreams of super swank surf industry insider life evaporated like that big swell on the Surfline forecast…
"It’s set up to be a buddy film, but like an unconsummated marriage, it never gets there."
