New scientific evidence throws history on its ear!

For centuries now, it has been held that surfing’s historical river has its headwaters in Hawaii. Those ancient kings, practicing that wonderful pastime, were observed by Capt. James Cook and his merry men as they sailed around the world looking for fantastic diseases.

Cook’s right hand man, Lt. James King, wrote in his journals:

But a diversion the most common is upon the Water, where there is a very great Sea, and surf breaking on the Shore. The Men sometimes 20 or 30 go without the Swell of the Surf, & lay themselves flat upon an oval piece of plan about their Size and breadth, they keep their legs close on top of it, & their Arms are us’d to guide the plank, thye wait the time of the greatest Swell that sets on Shore, & altogether push forward with their Arms to keep on its top, it sends them in with a most astonishing Velocity, & the great art is to guide the plan so as always to keep it in a proper direction on the top of the Swell, & as it alters its direct.

During research for the academically-driven Cocaine + Surfing (buy here), I marched out on a thick limb, positing that it must have been ancient Peruvians who took surfing from their cold, misty shores over to Tahiti and those Tahitians took it to Hawaii.

Thor Heyderdahl and his Kon Tiki was proof positive and also the fact that surfers love cocaine, which was first planted in Peru by the Great Inca who cut a very beautiful woman in two, named Kuka, and stuck her in the ground.

Many Hawaiians were not pleased with my putting together of research and blamed me, in harsh tones, for being a crackpot and sham.

Well, those Hawaiians have another possible usurper.

Neanderthals.

For it was revealed today that the human-like creatures suffered from surfer’s ear and let us turn to Discovery magazine for more.

Being a lifelong surfer or diver sometimes comes with an odd side-effect: the growth of small, bony knobs in the ear canals, the result of chronic exposure to cold water and air.

They’re often referred to as “surfer’s ear” because the condition is common among those who ride the waves. But there might well be a more apt term for the condition, based on new findings from a team of scientists: Neanderthal ear.

The bony growths, also called exostoses, show up in many Neanderthal skulls found in Europe and southwest Asia. It’s evidence that the ancient human cousins likely spent a fair amount of time in the water, perhaps to gather food, the team says.

Or, likely, surf.

On it goes and, real quick, the bastards better not rename “surfer’s ear” “neanderthal ear” but also doesn’t it make sense that we come from neanderthal roots? It explains our surf rage. Neanderthal by way of Peru.

Hawaiians will not be pleased.

P.S. Click in the margins and purchase Surf Ears if you want to be smart and evolved. They are honestly epic.

The wizard of lies!

It only took me near 20 years as a surf journalist to stumble onto professional surfing’s greatest secret, truth, dirty, dirty, deep-cut mission.

The whole thing is a racket.

Pyramid scheme. Ponzi scheme. Bernie Madoff rob-Peter-to-pay-Paul racket and I have been vaguely suspicious for a while but now I know for a fact.

Not fact fact, obviously. We live in a post-truth world. But a fact.

Have you ever wondered why the World Surf League insists on keeping thirty-odd surfers in the main draw, with non-elimination rounds, even though it necessitates that a contest run well beyond a forecasted swell? Have you ever wondered why there are hundreds, if not thousands, of World Surf League Qualifying Tour events each and every day, even if they go un-broadcasted?

Even when they go un-boradcasted?

Oh my Pulitzer is coming, damn you Finnegan, because I’m going to dig right in, not to mention Kazakhstan has a surf team.

Kazakhstan has a surf team and something is foul in River City, or whatever Shakespeare said.

More as I crack the caper.

Until then, listen here. I know that David Lee and I have not done a podcast in too long and that we lost all respectability in the meantime but also… did I ever have respectability?

Ha!

A great, if not greatest, loophole in financial history!

But what does it all mean for us?

And are you a student of macro-economics? Micro-economics? Trickle down, Keynesian, Austrian? Me? Oh. I read Flash Boys and watched The Big Short so not only am I a student, I think I’m probably an expert but our current trade war confuses me greatly. Is it not just a tax on the American consumer? Am I missing something important and fundamental? Tell me what I’m missing but in the meantime let’s discuss the “plight” of U.S. based “surfboard” manufacturers that have product “shaped” in China.

Oooee!

Frustrated and let’s turn to Reuters for the painful tale of non-surfing surf executive Sue Bowers for we will then all understand.

President Donald Trump’s decision to slap 10% tariffs on imported surfboards convinced surf executive Sue Bowers to move factory jobs out of China – but not back to the United States, which was one goal of Trump’s tariffs.

Strict environmental rules and steep labor costs have sent scores of Southern California surfboard manufacturers to China. Now, the tariffs have Bowers and other executives searching for factories in places such as Thailand and Vietnam.

“This was Surf City,” said Bowers, general manager of Southern California Sports Industries in Orange County.

“I would like to have our production back here,” said Bowers, whose office/warehouse is decorated with surf legend Mike Doyle’s artwork and filled with surfboards bearing his name.

Instead, Bowers – not a surfer herself but who learned the ins-and-outs of surfboard construction from Doyle – is joining the growing list of U.S. manufacturers and retailers reconfiguring supply chains in the wake of the Trump’s bitter trade war with China.

She was among a half dozen U.S. surf company executives who told Reuters they support using trade policy to shelter their homegrown industry from a daunting wave of international competition.

Etc.

Ok, and I’m sorry, but also completely confused. When Sue Bowers says, “This was Surf City…” is she talking about China? It is completely unclear but, in context, I can only read “Surf City” as China and now “New Surf City” is either going to be Thailand or Vietnam.

Also, what were the “ins-and-outs” of surfboard construction that she learned?

Planing?

Rocker?

Volume?

All of it?

Where are you Pete Schroff! Help me understand!