Listen: “Professional surfing is the world’s greatest pyramid scheme!”

The wizard of lies!

It only took me near 20 years as a surf journalist to stumble onto professional surfing’s greatest secret, truth, dirty, dirty, deep-cut mission.

The whole thing is a racket.

Pyramid scheme. Ponzi scheme. Bernie Madoff rob-Peter-to-pay-Paul racket and I have been vaguely suspicious for a while but now I know for a fact.

Not fact fact, obviously. We live in a post-truth world. But a fact.

Have you ever wondered why the World Surf League insists on keeping thirty-odd surfers in the main draw, with non-elimination rounds, even though it necessitates that a contest run well beyond a forecasted swell? Have you ever wondered why there are hundreds, if not thousands, of World Surf League Qualifying Tour events each and every day, even if they go un-broadcasted?

Even when they go un-boradcasted?

Oh my Pulitzer is coming, damn you Finnegan, because I’m going to dig right in, not to mention Kazakhstan has a surf team.

Kazakhstan has a surf team and something is foul in River City, or whatever Shakespeare said.

More as I crack the caper.

Until then, listen here. I know that David Lee and I have not done a podcast in too long and that we lost all respectability in the meantime but also… did I ever have respectability?

Ha!

A great, if not greatest, loophole in financial history!

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Andreas Groß
Andreas Groß
7 years ago

It’s similar in most radical sports. How many times we have seen corrupted judges. Fck the mainstream… Do the sport because you live and be better against your own self and shred it 😀

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

If by ‘finely crafted’ you mean “splintery pine crudely sawn and mashed together with 6 inch nails all sticking-out and bent-over and shit” then yeah sure.

Shampoo Poo
Shampoo Poo
7 years ago
Lard Hamilton
Lard Hamilton
7 years ago

It’s not a very good Ponzi is it? It’s almost worse than the climbing racket.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

Seems like these days only the piss and shit trickles down while the cash ,doesn’t trickle up ,but gushes ever skyward like Old Faithful At Yellowstone at an exponentially increasing rate.

J H
J H
7 years ago

Will the Australian government be implicated in said Ponzi scheme???

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

you need to make sure you piss directly on the apex so it trickles down evenly. don’t want any one to miss out.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

Yer a day too late.
I’ve already done my drive to shitsville and back.

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

what did you listen to?

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

A couple of FineWoodworking ‘Shop Talk Live’ podcasts.

Like the Grit, but chortling over dovetail techniques etc and not as scathing about non-woodworkers. Which is fine because I’m the equivalent of 95% of the kookslams videos when it comes to fine woodworking.

I’ll get around to the Betoota Advocate soon. Thanks, I just wasn’t strong enough to do it yet.
Like the Onion but Aussie, yes?

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

not familiar with the onion. the betoota is pretty interesting and pretty dry. they are open with the range guest they get on. sporting folk, authors, musicians, politicians and the conversations feel pretty natural. the guest gets a chance to talk (something that is absent in many podcast). I must look into “shop talk live”. always good with a change up.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

I’ll definitely check it out.
Thanks!

https://politics.theonion.c…

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

I’d say I was sorry except I’m certain whatever you listened to was far far far superior.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Superior in terms of discussion of furniture making. Not superior in loose insightful snarky-surf culture content, which is really what I needed more in that drive.

But I accept your withdrawn offer of an apology nonetheless.

SectionSB
SectionSB
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

You might enjoy the wooden surfboard podcast at https://surfsplendorpodcast…
I love the Onion in small doses!! Too real sometimes.
Betoota Advocate looks pretty good!! Have to check it.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago

good effort
Boss.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

Ok that is genius level

c4
c4
7 years ago

Definitely agree with what you said about negatron being a good moderator. It’s like the best boxing refs are ones that you rarely notice are there.

ricmatic
ricmatic
7 years ago

Best wave pool awards – The Wavepulitzer!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Das ist Wunderbar !


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