Court report, Thomson v Cooper: “Are you deterred, comrades?”

"For a slap on the wrist, I'm gunna go dunk a nineteen-year-old Israeli chick straight out of national service…"

Is it not true that the purpose of social media was/is to publicly shame and punish someone who has massively or minorly fucked up and suffered the misfortune of being caught in the act?

And, who among us, has not enjoyed the tremendous pleasure of kicking a gal while they are down and maybe, if they are truly compassionate, feeling a little frisson of “there but for the grace of God, go I” etc etc.

Magistrate Karen Stafford took a slightly different view on the matter when she sentenced Mark “Carcass” Thomson for his surf rage incident at Ballina Court, yesterday, 11am EST.

If you recall from the last instalment, Carcass had hired a legal team of three.

Costs were slashed by a third yesterday when only two showed up for the sentencing. A female who remained silent and did not address the judge (strategic error?) and the Bobby Duvall look-alike who got a little heavily irradiated getting thawed out from the cryovac.

Kaz did not enjoy the vibe of Cryovaced Bobby Duvall.

He addressed the judge early asking if they could address the sentencing now. In so many words she told him to sit the fuck down and wait and to add a little salt into the wound made him spell his name out to the court.

After a thousand AVO applications and penitent 20 years olds who had crashed cars while driving drunk were dispensed with, Kaz called the “Matter of Mark Thomson” on and asked if they were any further submissions.

“Yes, your Honour,” said CBD.

He came up with two references,“not many”, he admitted, “but they are damn good.”

The only genuine surprise of the hearing was that Albe Falzon, creator of surf hippy utopian film Morning of the Earth, was one of the two referees.

As has now been widely reported, the solicitor also made representation to the court that the abuse Thomson had been subjected to on the internet be taken into account as punishment already served.

CBD found the material “horrific” and admitted he had read most of it (presumably at the billable hourly rate. Good gig, reading BeachGrit and getting paid for it!).

What’s more horrific?

Being called a cunt on the internets or a bill for fifty-grand from a team of barristers who get laughed at by the judge and can’t secure a not guilty verdict?

Kaz, if I read her right, very much enjoyed delivering the sentence, which she stretched out over 40 minutes of high-quality oratory.

She broke it down into three categories.

The max penalty available for the offence, five years in the pen, two years available to her in the local court.

The seriousness of the crime, between the middle-and-high range.

And, finally, the subjective features of the defendant.

Here, she lingered to deliver some real tough talk.

She found Carcass at all times the aggressor, the action deliberate and sustained. She called Jodie Cooper an “elite surfer, not a weekend hack”, the only slightly bum note, weekend warrior would have been better.

She noted the total lack of insight or remorse shown by Carcass and to answer the plea made by his legal team that it was out of character she raised the matter of a previous assault in 1998.

“The court needs to make sure there is adequate punishment to deter the crime (particularly Mr Thomson) and to protect the community, including the surfing community,” Kaz said.

At this point I wrote, “Wow! She’s gunna put him away!”

Instead of putting the defendant away though, she aimed up at the surfing community itself – those who had perhaps shown a little too much relish in delivering a kick on social media.

Were you one of the tough talkers?

Your “extra-curial” punishment was taken in favor of the defendant!

Crazy innit.

Kaz’s deterrent? Two years of being a good boy and 300 hours picking up rubbish at Lismore, presumably tailored around good swells at the Point.

Are you deterred, comrades?

I’m not.

For a slap on the wrist, I’m gunna go dunk a nineteen-year-old Israeli chick straight out of national service.

Give her the old Lennox baptism.

Kidding Kaz! I’m deterred!