Do you really wanna know what lurks under the bed?
In what could be argued to be an existential fallacy, an Australian drone operator has fitted an alarm to his aircraft to warn surfers when he spots nearby sharks.
“I had to take some kind of initiative because of the amount of shark sightings,” Adam Fitzroy told the Port Macquarie News. “It’s not my responsibility to patrol beaches but if I do see some kind of imminent danger I want to be able to alert people.”
Now, drones bug the shit out of me.
They drag their butts through the sky like giant Mesozoic mosquitoes, stalking lineups uninvited and sucking the ambience out of any peaceful surf scene.
And they can make problems where there weren’t any, like Mr Fitzroy has done here.
Were the surfers in his video actually at risk?
Or was he just capturing what would be an otherwise unnoticed, every day occurrence?
I live just south of the largest White shark nursery in Australia. Conservative estimates put the number of juveniles in my area at around 250. You can actually check out one of the local beaches on on Google maps and spot the silhouette of a shark in the satellite image.
Chuck in bulls, tigers, bronzers. They’re out there, lurking. Yeah, the likelihood of an attack for me is still low. Juvie Whites are supposedly docile. My local area is netted.
Only a couple of serious attacks in the last hundred years.
But go looking for them and you will find them. Do I need to know every time I’m in da bite zone of one of the fuckers?
Hell, nah. I’d probably never surf again.
So my initial reaction is to call this guy a Chicken Little, screaming at shadows only he can see and shattering the cognitive dissonance we employ every time we surf.
I want to say this is another example of technology overstepping its boundaries.
We don’t need this level of vigilante surveillance in our lives. The hand of fate shall not be bowed to.
But here’s the rub, I don’t live on the north coast where this shit is actually life or death.
I don’t know what it’s like to see somebody attacked.
Or to not be able to surf certain beaches for months at a time.
Or to have to truly consider what it would feel like to be consumed alive, cold black eyes staring at me blankly while I spend the final moments of my life gasping, grasping, succumbing to the ultimate agony.
What if this drone alarm actually worked, and the guy saved somebody from getting the chomp?
Surely it would all be worth it?
Could it actually work? Should it work?
Cute guy with genuine questions, seeking answers.
(Editor’s note: Here’s a happy White near happy children, peacefully co-existing etc.)