The Duke famously spread surfing to the world but at home he was a cop.
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this, our wonderful pastime, the Sport of Kings and Queens, when they see line-ups crowded with beggars etc etc.
We are all one now we are told. I’m quite tolerant of the inclusivity narrative that has infected – can you say infected? – the modern surfing nation. As I should be.
My favourite VAL from a decade of exposure to the various (mostly) European and north American tribes is the German. No one applies a more ruthlessly analytical mindset to the pursuit of pleasure and has a better way of doing things despite absolute helplessness. The favoured refrain from the German surfer is “Yes, but…”
For a period of time I paid rent and maintained an overseas travel heavy surfing habit as one of the despised surf guides on a learn-to-surf camping tour. As a mechanism for transferring wealth across nations and allowing dirt bags to graft a living from pushing backpackers into waves it was remarkably effective.
My favourite VAL from a decade of exposure to the various (mostly) European and north American tribes is the German. No one applies a more ruthlessly analytical mindset to the pursuit of pleasure and has a better way of doing things despite absolute helplessness. The favoured refrain from the German surfer is “Yes, but…”
Those days now seem naïve.
The adult learner has, by and large, escaped the coralling of an “organised” surf tour and roams freely, buys boards and becomes intermediate. Sometimes very quickly. They bunker up and hunt in packs. It’s all very socio-biological, very wildebeest on the savannah.
Nowadays it’s not the wildebeest that is in peril but the local predators who keep/kept them in check.
Some, notably Surfrider co-founder Glenn Hening, have called localism a “stain on the soul of surfing”. That seems to me an ahistorical and deeply racist view of surfing’s origins, at least as far as the Hawaiians had things structured. Rather than impugn the ancient Hawaiians I prefer to believe that in their wisdom they had things figured out.
Hierarchies worked. The Duke famously spread surfing to the world but at home he was a cop.
The Hawaiians had an elaborate code for working shit out, one based on Kapu, or taboo, so everyone knew where they stood and where they could surf. Local enforcers took on policing our post-modern code and of course, quite frequently they get it wrong. Over-reach, violence against the weak, falling foul of the rule of law etc etc. We all accept though, that some local enforcement or localism maintains order and serves the greater good.
Based on the Japanese Zen model, the enforcer can carry a small billy club. Floating of course, and hand-made from local materials. Offenders may get a yellow or red card and then, failing any change in behaviour, a sharp blow with the club. Like an inattentive zen student receives from his master to bring mind back to the task the struck VAL is then able to partake of a learning situation.
Hence this modest proposal.
Based on the Japanese Zen model, the enforcer can carry a stick, or a stick being impractical, a small billy club. Floating of course, and hand-made from local materials. Possibly sold at local farmers markets, under the counter. Offenders may get a yellow or red card and then, failing any change in behaviour, a sharp blow with the club. Like an inattentive zen student receives from his master to bring mind back to the task the struck VAL is then able to partake of a learning situation. An opportunity to tune into a higher vibration, as my pal would say.
I see no gendered objection to this proposal. Gals get just as annoyed and threatened by kookery in the surf and they may like the opportunity to give an inattentive Murfer a sharp whack between the shoulder blades, or around the kidneys. A little light bruising but no harm done.
The legitimate question of who gets to wield the billy club is answered in our age by self-identification. The self-identified local enforcer carries the club. Enforcers with clubs will also be a bulwark against the coming Chinese surf tourist boom.
One of my last tasks as a bus driver was to take a bus-load of Chinese tourist officials to and from a surf lesson. They are coming, comrades. We must be ready with clubs to turn them back. A blow with a stick transcends any language barrier.
Hawaiians do localism better than anybody, Californians have by and large lost the stomach for it though I’m heartened to read that the Fort Point locals have received a favourable press lately. I humbly submit that an Australian innovation in this space could be as big as pro surfing and confer much more benefit to the average Joe.
We are on dangerous ground comrades but please explain how this elegantly simple and eminently workable proposal will not halt the extinction of the local enforcer and bring our line-ups back under control, for the benefit of all?
