Watch: “Core surfers boiled in tank of corporate stupidity and absurdist greenwashing!”

Let's bring the Grit to politics, to culture, to movies. Let's smear Grit everywhere!

In the depths of despair, I received a revelation. A quiet whisper barely audible over the muted grunts of professional surfers locked into silent bondage.

“Smear grit all over the world…” is what I heard. “Smear grit where it doesn’t belong.”

“What?” I shouted. “Smear grit where?”

But did not get any response.

I pondered the meaning for hours and hours before understanding the meaning.

Surfers, core surfers, boiled in a tank of corporate stupidity, World Surf League storytelling, absurdist greenwashing and Kelly Slater conspiracy have become so purified of any pretense, any wrongly elevated sense of self, any pride whatsoever.

Surfers, core surfers, boiled in a tank of corporate stupidity, World Surf League storytelling, absurdist greenwashing and Kelly Slater conspiracy have become so purified of any pretense, any wrongly elevated sense of self, any pride whatsoever.

We, but mostly you, are Buddha-like.

And we, but mostly you, will usher in a utopian dawn by chatting about various situations only tangentially related to surfing. By applying our selfless minds to all manner of this and that.

We owe the world our gift.

Also, have you been watching Haleiwa?

Every year the Vans Triple Crown rolls around, every year I think, “This year I should really care,” every year I don’t.

Maybe we fix that first then move to the plight of the Rohingya.

Accepting the Death of Surf Culture
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SSD
SSD
6 years ago

I doubt we’d do a prisoner swap: high tech military secret espionage captive for low tech complainer surfer. Nah

Shore pound
Shore pound
6 years ago

Not the voice we deserve, but the voice we needed.

mine.mine.mine
mine.mine.mine
6 years ago

website has been fucked by ads boys, can’t even get to the comment section on Jenn’s latest. it is all ad’s

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  mine.mine.mine

Thanks Mmm . I thought it was dumb old me who must have pressed the wrong buttons ….. again .

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

So is Tit … I see tit and say wow .

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Otto sees tit wow tit sees Otto.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Wunderbar Otto! …. I am tempted to erect a nipple in honor of this comment …..

PerthsStraighthanders
PerthsStraighthanders
6 years ago

We need more Shark Grit Chas.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
6 years ago

Kelly Slater once said “I wonder what happens when they use up all the words for song lyrics”
This is what happens when there is nothing more to write about in surfing.
Come to think of it, half the stories in Tracks were not about surfing either.

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
6 years ago

A man, a plan, a canal, panama
That’s the best one there is. Unless you live in Adelaide in which case it’s Glenelg.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Wow

Keith Grace
Keith Grace
6 years ago

so it appears you/we may need to bring the grumpy fury to IKEA now too based on an WSL email I just received…

Eric Voigt
Eric Voigt
6 years ago

your first story should be on what it’s like to grow up with a name like Chas

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Eric Voigt

E-Vo….hmmm..E-Lo?….wait, could it…hmm,..C-It? I-Do

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Surfing Chas Smith….. S Ch – it ?

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
6 years ago
Reply to  Eric Voigt

My grand dad was called his middle name (leonard) his whole life. When he was a kid he came home from school and said “mum I wish I was called Chas!” And she said “well guess what, you are!”

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

I got a great idea for you Chas, you should be the new Man in Black like Johnny Cash and only wear black until these injustices in the World(surf league) are righted. You could get a bunch of black boatneck shirts and muscle T’s. Probably help with your “street cred” too?

JOHNNY CASH-“Man in Black”

“Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back”

“I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down”

“But just so we’re reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought ‘a be a Man In Black.”

“I wear the black in mournin’ for the lives that could have been”

“Well, there’s things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin’ everywhere you go,
But ’til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You’ll never see me wear a suit of white.
Ah, I’d love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything’s OK,
But I’ll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
‘Till things are brighter, I’m the Man In Black”

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
6 years ago

Can I spread Santorum along with my grit ?

KRIS
KRIS
6 years ago

… fuck! Not sure of your trajectory … (or [ I suspect ] you’re simply rippin’ the piss) but keep at it Chas, and soon you’ll be the face behind a new Apple / Yahwei / Samsung Ad. blitzkrieg for some new surf-related AI tech thingy that nobody needs but everyone wants…

capn birdseye
capn birdseye
6 years ago

I’m getting a real fear and loathing vibe here. Chas seems like he’s been up all night doing blow and has come to some sort of false epiphany in the cold light of day. Also dude – love ya, but your losing that battle with the receding hairline. Shave that shit off and start smoking french cigarettes through a cigarette holder – keep the aviators though – they go with the whole look perfectly.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago
Reply to  capn birdseye

The aviators are super bad ass. I like how they enhance his sleazy image. I always think that Chas looks a lot like one of my heros, John Waters. John Waters and Chas have really upset a lot of people in their quest for freedom of expression. They are both legends in their own time as far as pushing the boundaries of censorship. Nice work guys.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
6 years ago

Frank Ocean is great, he gets a pass for blowing off a fest.

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
6 years ago

Far be it from me to be a shit stirrer, but Chas — Chas? — right now the Spratley Islands must be PUMPING. You know the Spratleys? They’re the beautifully formed atolls in the South China Sea where China has been busy building military shit for the past decade and quietly scaring the pants off half the world in the process. These atolls have some really wonderful passes and for sure have great waves in a swell, and there’s a heap of north swell pouring down the South China Sea right now. You want to Grit something, Grit that. Fly to Vietnam and get someone to sneak you out there in a fishing boat.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

If the Chinese Navy confronts you, explain how you’re looking for a mythical wave pool somewhere in China territory, “as the Legend has been told.”
Either they’ll say “oh it’s no myth. It’s real!!! Wanna invest.*”
Or
“No Returns on westsuits! Regardless if you have receipt!”

*less question. more demand

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

Philippines are closer.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

If karma is real you must have been a real saint previously.
Where to from here?
That’s the problem with Buddhism
The next level means nothing to us cause what the Fuk is nirvana?

SSD
SSD
6 years ago

From what I gather, a three piece power trio from Washington

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Bill Cillia’s old surfboard brand from the Central Coast …..

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Are you sure you’re real names not Matt?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

I have been used as a door mat but prefer the welcome mat master Bex

Occ Topus
Occ Topus
6 years ago

“In the depths of despair”?
Chas, what gives? Life is good. Turn that frown upside down!

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

The word palindrome should’ve been a palindrome. Opportunity lost I guess..

EDIT; palindromeemordnilap!
You’re welcome oxford and webster.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Such aixelsyD Inclusiveness

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Lysdexia rules K.O!

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Abbreviation has five syllables

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

I say abbreviatio for short

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

I thought of a good abbreviation for abbreviation, but people started calling me a racist cunt.

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

well at least you’re not a booger.

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Ha. I was once. Pretty quickly graduated. A booger friend then told me ‘stand up’ suited me, as an insult I think. Last I heard he was working for a shaper (of surfboards) known by a female name.

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

I hope hating doesn’t become passe. It’s kept me going for so long. Don’t know what I’d do without it really.

Owen's Outgoing Tide
Owen's Outgoing Tide
6 years ago
Reply to  ricmatic

Emotion is power. Get it where you can. Just make it work for you.

SSD
SSD
6 years ago

Hate has been the motivation for so many things that become positives for people. Like the dweeb that hates the jocks or surfers or whoever else hassled them and uses that to as fuel to become successful.

Surfy McSurfyface
Surfy McSurfyface
6 years ago

Phonetic with a Ph….
Stutter beginning with St….

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
6 years ago

Jesus CHRIST it must be flatter than a brass tack in California right now.

SSD
SSD
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

There’s waves but it’s been raining like mad. First time since April or so and the water is full of all kinds of fun stuff.

grumpy local
grumpy local
6 years ago

Or you could just start a new blog… I come here to escape all that bullshit


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