The question isn't why would you quit surfing but why… wouldn't… you?
(Editor’s note: this story by Scottish writer JP Currie is a riposte to Longtom’s piece from three days ago, “I renounce Quit-Lit; why should we cede the space to the VAL hordes?”)
Spent last night in the back of my van. It was cold, far from restful, despite the fact I was in bed by 1900. Nowt else to do this far from home, at this time of year.
The dog provided some smelly warmth against the minus temperatures, but this was offset by his restlessness during the night, scraping the covers off me. Something outside in the icy blackness was bothering him. I never found out what.
At some point in the night I had picked up my phone. I read a piece by Longtom, renouncing Quit Lit. I watched the steam from my breath swirl in the screen’s glow. I wondered if the kids were sleeping ok. The baby had been coughing and wheezing all week.
At five am I went for a piss.
My bare feet burned on the frozen ground. It was barely light, but I could already hear the swell had disappeared, in spite of the forecast. The wind had picked up, too.
Northerly. Bitter. The two-degree air felt colder.
I drove.
Couldn’t even find the motivation to make coffee first. I checked a few other spots. Nothing doing. Ended up surfing a crumbly weird rivermouth. It only really works for an hour either side of high tide at the best of times, but it wasn’t even doing that. Not worth putting on the sodding wetsuit that had been sitting in a plastic bucket all night. Or the boots, or the gloves.
I left home at five am Saturday morning. Got back after eight pm Sunday. Drove more than four hundred miles. Best part of £100 on fuel. Surfed maybe four hours all in.
Can’t remember any turns. Whole weekend gone.
Tough to justify when the kids are at home. They’re just babies, too. Lot going on. Lots of changes, lots of stages. I haven’t been around much through the week. Work has been stressful, I’ve been checked out a lot.
Struggling, not doing things I need to.
Thought a weekend away surfing would be the fix. I’d come back feeling refreshed, feeling something.
Sometimes, in the heat of an argument, I’ll hold myself up against some of the other dads I know. The ones that go to the football on Saturday morning, then disappear on the piss til Sunday night.
Or my mates who’re still hitting the pills and the ket on the regular, into their forties. It’s not Trainspotting, but it’s not not either.
But neither are fair comparisons. They’re socialising, probably having a hell time. Sure, Mondays will be tough, maybe Wednesdays too.
But better to burn all weekend like a flare than fizzle like a damp sparkler in a crumbling, onshore rivermouth.
What Longtom wrote resonated for me this morning. The lack of context reminded me that no-one else really gets it. Each to their own.
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JP I think the problem mate is that you live in Scotland. Why not save your self for when the forecast is actually good?
Mmmm, that’s what I did today. Paid off handsomely.
Bank loans and children have taken more good men away from the surf than will ever return.
Another honest contribution JP, thanks for sharing. Everyone stops surfing eventually, whether because of injury, old age, lifestyle choices or other pressures, internal and external. But consciously choosing to quit while still a youngish man is a different matter. You ask “why continue”? Well, driving 400 miles for a chance of scoring a few good waves in freezing conditions proves you are keener than many others, addicted even. Surfing to feel stoked and more alive, living to surf, can be a tricky addiction to manage, especially when trying to do the right thing and find a fair and happy balance with regards to work and family commitments, responsibilities and so on. We all find our own way to manage our habit, or not… With an understanding partner you shouldn’t feel guilty about still wanting to immerse yourself in the salty selfish thing that is surfing. It is good for the body, mind and soul. Sure we all know and feel that. All I can say is, in answer to your question, is that if you keep the passion burning, great! Then you can get more enjoyment and fulfillment from each and every session, even the crumbling onshore river mouth, because you know that surf will at least keep your pop-up and paddling shoulders in the groove for your next session. As a wise man once told me – “There is no such thing as a bad surf.”
I can barely play with myself.
Yeah totally location dependent, this. Used to live in Seattle. ‘Quit lit’ was definitely my conclusion. The logical end-point of being a surfer in a location that requires 2.5-4 hours drives to go surfing. Either that or you’re the crusty guy in the gross van. Alone. Choosing surfing over people / a life–that takes it to another level. But splashing out on a saturday morning, dealing with crowds, a gut, etc. and making back to buy groceries with the lady so you can cook for your mates, what’s wrong with that, if you’re keen?
young mans game
How good a band name: “Spoon Tunnel”?
Good story JP. We’ve all been there.
Fuck yeah, van, restless dog, fucked up conditions and a trip to the gas station. It’s like salt in the wound filling the car up to drive home bummed. This fickle art of surfing, we chase it like a plastic carrot on a stick and we are so hungry.
It’s like my dog. She will dive into the water for a ball until she dies. Only thing stopping her is me. I am always aware of the wind direction. Every fucking moment. I can’t concentrate if I think I’m missing something so I will die chasing the carrot.
But I know, 80% of the time at home, the carrot is plastic.
Faark, that place haunts my dreams…
Noted. Gracias.
Not at all.
I think what you wrote is lovely. But I’m too jaded and detached at the moment to relate.
JP, I reckon most of us have had to make the choice one way or another at some point about where we want to be. Much as I need to surf, it’s more important to be with someone who appreciates what you need. I can’t be more grateful for finding my wife at a time when I was sliding towards a much more selfish existence.
We’ve made choices based on pragmatism; Abu Dhabi for 5 years. And choices based on waves; Bali for 3
years.
Bali, while great for waves, meant I was more or less the weekend warrior, but always aware of the waves and trying to work out sessions around likely crowds, conditions and family, (young at that point). Abu Dhabi, meant 7 hour trips to the nearest real waves, with no guarantees of actual swell. But every one was an adventure. As much as anything because the family was involved. And much as I loved the consistency of waves in Bali, I remember much more of the adventures in Oman, camping on beaches, being woken by camels rummaging through our camp, 4WD-ing 80kms of soft sand because the marked highway on the GPS wasn’t actually there, Eating grilled mackerel on the beach, that had been swimming an hour earlier because we gave the fisherman a panadol tablet before he went out.
Came back to the Sunshine Coast to live the beach life with the kids. Turns out one isn’t interested at all and the other is only mildly so. But it’s OK, they’re good kids.
For what it’s worth, I’ve just spent 24hrs in hospital getting tests, (turned out to be a minor issue caused by a viral infection that has been hanging around a bit). While I was there, found out a guy I surf with at Coolum on the regular, had been killed in a car crash 4 days earlier. I had heard a teacher had been killed while driving to school on the way to the Gr12 Final Assembly, kind of a big deal nowadays out here. But didn’t realise it was our mate until yesterday. He has left a wife and 12 month old baby behind, with a new house and mortgage. Last week, I literally shared a wave with him. I was going in, he was trying to catch a few more before work. 42 years old.
Made the long walk around to a secluded beach to surf the crumbly on shore shoulder high lumps coming through, with the mate I did Monday week ago, even though the waves weren’t real flash, feel even more worthwhile. Time is short mate. The challenge is to fill it with the things that are worthwhile.
Yep, sometimes you get those reminders 🙁
In general, I think the crucial issue is to live life with love – and without depression. Nail that, and everything else falls into place.
JP, I don’t know you, and won’t insult your intelligence with possibly inane suggestions. We all struggle to live well and be good humans, to ourselves as well as others. I hope you sort your shit out and find some gems. Arohanui. Kia kaha, kia manawanui.
I been down a very similar road.
Even had a recent viral related issue.
I’ve never been so sick since I had kids
Acquired ImmunoDeficiency Syndrome?
Negative.
I have avoided sleeping with seppos.
On tv shows and movies they never seem to shower after sex
Its disgusting.
Too much sand and not enough reef up there (for my surf taste). And my wife would rather have a lobotomy than move to Gizzy :-/
Nearing 40, no kids, on Oahu, successful online business, wife used to work 8 to 5 and I surfed all day long whether it was good or bad. This was from 30-36.. Came in to check emails and eat, then back out there. I can tell you that, no matter how much you surf, it is never enough. 5 hours of barrels and you’re still thinking about it. 6 hours of fin throws on each of Monday, Wednesday and Thursday and you’re still thinking about it. I’ve been to the edge of the extreme, Monday through Friday for 5+ years was a surf trip and it was never enough. There is no promised land of contentment. At age 36, I was able to bring wife onboard full time. Life is much better with balance since. Working on the kids next.
Hope you get some groms
Takes the focus of yself.
Highly recommended!!
Hope it all pans out with the kiddos.
44 with 4. Started early…WTF happened? Not highly planned, last was an oops…Oops. 2 into it. Youngest 6yo is the frother! Push him in and he’s standing up. Blessed with the freedom of lads trip on the odd occasion. Work for myself so always flexible around the forecasts and a few runs down south. Cannot complain! Have a brother in-law wheelchair bound…innocent victim to oncoming traffic dragging for a merge to one lane scenario.
I haven’t quit, I’ve deferred. Free days comes up rarely – why use the whole thing to drive 2 hours for a freezing surf on the off chance it’s good? In a few years, the kiddos will be in the 10-12 sweet spot to learn – I’ve vowed that by then we’ll live by a warm ocean. If I didn’t get my yayas out in 15 years on Kauai, I wasn’t doing it right. But it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t pass on the disease.
This was my plight. Landed in Austin, Texas with the fam 3+ years ago after 14 years near the sand.
Been through all the Kubler Ross stages since. Holes in walls. Broken metatarsal from the skate park. Depression. Defeat. A life unrecognizable to me.
You’re grieving, JP… but these are the vicissitudes of life that we signed up for.
Fucking accept it already.
I’m off to Pascuales in two weeks. First surf trip in two years.
I’m dreading it and I don’t even know why.
It all got fucked up.
Maybe don’t accept it after all.
I love the uncrowded sessions in powerful, if imperfect, waves. The fact that there are surf opportunities for the creative lateral thinkers. That you can escape not only from, but in the city.
But yeah, the wind and the flat spells.
Not sure where else in NZ I could live, though.
I’m glad the dizzying minutiae of life hasn’t zapped the spark out of you, Sun Bear.
My former self loves every word you wrote.
For the year I have had felt like quitting everything – life, my wife kids everything!!
Found myself for the whole start of the year flashing though days where I did not even know what had happened – day gone – what the fuck did I do – depression for sure!!
Too guilty with no job to surf –
New job car acco – injured again
Depressed again – no surfing
Fought back to support work with great young guys – fitness back – surf fitness no way, but few surfs am having loving it – no rhythm but who cares!!
BECAUSE if I turn into an even grumpier cunt when i cant surf because of age physical limitations I would be fucking pissed off if I gave up because of CHOICE