Breaking: Trump administration declares earthly surf paradise Nicaragua a “national security threat!”

Laugh in the face of this pure injustice while gluttonously mocking it!

We surfers, we here, are elevated. No? Yes. We belong to a special caste, an extraordinary caste. Our brains, calcified by ocean water, are able to draw parallels, find truths, reach apolitical consensuses where lesser-thans, the non-surfers, bog down in silly partisan name-calling and shrill nonsense. We are not like them and can discuss right things, left things, international things and without devolving into a Rachel Maddow-esque tragicomedy.

Yes?

But no, I meant purified. Our brains are purified by ocean water exactly like mine just was in the earthly surf paradise called Nicaragua.

Oh you followed along as I not only realized that family and surf can be joined in a perfect union but also attained enlightenment.

Nicaragua.

A beautiful land sparsely populated by a beautiful people. Fresh fruits and vegetables grown with love. Roads paved with paving stones. Rarely have I encountered such warmth and kindness in this world but the Trump administration just dubbed them all a “national security threat” and let us learn why from the pages of ZeroHedge.

A day after the US-backed far-right coup in Bolivia, the White House released a statement applauding the military putsch and making it clear that two countries were next on Washington’s target list: “These events send a strong signal to the illegitimate regimes in Venezuela and Nicaragua,” Trump declared.

On November 25, the Trump White House then quietly issued a statement characterizing Nicaragua as an “unusual and extraordinary threat to the national security and foreign policy of the United States.”

This prolonged for an additional year an executive order Trump had signed in 2018 declaring a state of “national emergency” on the Central American country.

Trump’s 2018 declaration came after a failed violent right-wing coup attempt in Nicaragua. The US government has funded and supported many of the opposition groups that sought to topple elected Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega, and cheered them on as they sought to overthrow him.

The 2018 national security threat designation was quickly followed by economic warfare. In December the US Congress approved the NICA Act without any opposition. This legislation gave Trump the authority to impose sanctions on Nicaragua, and prevents international financial institutions from doing business with Managua.

Trump’s new 2019 statement spewed outlandish propaganda against Nicaragua, referring to its democratically elected government — which for decades has been targeted for overthrow by Washington — as a supposedly violent and corrupt “regime.”

On it goes infuriatingly, detailing how the Trump administration will attempt to economically strangle Nicaragua, how many new sanctions will be announced in the coming weeks etc. and absolutely infuriating.

But we surfers, we here, can stick our calcified fingers right into the eye of bad policy. I mean purified fingers. We can laugh in the face of this pure injustice while gluttonously mocking it.

How?

You recall how I ascended into enlightenment at Rancho Santana, the gorgeous surf/family resort in southern Nicaragua? Well, go book a family vacation yourself. When you get to the end you can type CHAS into the promo code area and get 20% off a stay at the Inn, 15% off at any of the other accommodations and 25% off at the Spa.

Or just click here.

How you like them manzanas?

You can glare at wrong-headed foreign policy while getting a post-surf massage at a discount.

Win-win-win!