Official: Teahupoo “The Place of Shattered Skulls” to host surfing for 2024 Paris Olympic Games!

Dreams come true!

And can we all doff our berets toward France this morning? That sporting cock? For of all the decisions made around “surf” as “sport” by governing bodies, regulating bodies, world leagues 9/10 are very bad decisions. Uncomfortably dumb decisions. Incompetent, difficult to comprehend, silly decisions.

See re-hosting the Freshwater Pro at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in the summer of 2020.

The 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games will be kicking off around the same time, or maybe just finished. The first time in history that surfing, our surfing, will be part of the show. Many prayers will be offered at multiple Shinto temples for a typhoon. Without such a climate event there will be small surf and a Kanoa Igarashi, or that other little Japanese man, gold.

But while we are giggling and pointing we can also be girding our loins for the summer of 2024. Filling our refrigerators with crisp white wines, our freezers with poisson cru. Readying ourselves for mayhem and let us quickly read the press release for it is the very least we can do.

The Polynesian island of Tahiti has been chosen to host the surfing events at the 2024 Paris Olympics after being selected over beaches in southwest France and Brittany, organisers said on Thursday.

Tahiti lies 15,700 kilometres (9,750 miles) from Paris but was chosen because it offers near-guaranteed surfing waves in the summer months.

The events will take place at Teahupoo, a location that boasts some of the biggest waves on the men’s World Cup circuit.

“It’s an extremely pleasant surprise and recognition for our history that will restore honour to Polynesia, where surfing began,” the president of Tahiti’s surfing federation, Lionel Teihotu, told AFP.

According to the 2024 organising committee there was no difference in the cost or environmental impact of the four possible venues.

Tahiti was preferred on “sporting grounds” — a survey by Meteo France, the French meteorological centre, suggests that Teahupoo offers a greater likelihood of good surfing waves during the summer months, the Paris local organising committee said.

The choice of Teahupoo is controversial because it does not currently feature on the women’s world circuit. The waves there are currently considered to be too dangerous for women surfers.

Organisers said they would get round the problem of hosting the Olympic women’s surfing events with careful scheduling.

“We can put the women on at a time of the day when the waves are less powerful,” Teihotu said. “We have ways of planning that now and it will allow women to also surf at Teahupoo.”

Viva la France. Viva her real good.

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oceanyeti
oceanyeti
6 years ago

I read “Paris Olympics” as “Para Olympics”, now that’d be heroic!

OffRocker
OffRocker
6 years ago

They might need to park one of those hospital ships in the channel…. can cross live to coral cut scrubouts and stitching, get immediate ct brain updates, and check the latest from the secondary drownings observation ward…

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
6 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

Man I hope Russia’s back in the games by then. So much gore from Sergei and Vladimir. It will be like the SNL all drug Olympics https://www.youtube.com/wat…

OffRocker
OffRocker
6 years ago

2023: IOC official letter head – “you have been offered journalist pass ….”

“For ARCHERY”

😭

So close… but Still half a world away.

Johnny Spiteri
Johnny Spiteri
6 years ago

Fair game for the Olympic circus to ruin a major city… but to take over a quaint little Tahitian village is down right fucked!

Waxingfitzgibbous
Waxingfitzgibbous
6 years ago

This is landing nicely for Jack Robinson’s impending world domination

Nego Padaratz
Nego Padaratz
6 years ago

Massive loss for anyone that loves the wave and spends time there. Place will never be the same after the Olympics roll through. How long until there’s a 5 star hotel in the village teeming with Val’s & Ziff’s mates. Fuck the Olympics and the reptiles selling out surfing.

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago
Reply to  Nego Padaratz

Have you seen what that wave does to people? It’s pretty safe

Ricky Spanish
Ricky Spanish
6 years ago

Did they really say that Chopes has been deemed to dangerous for women? Where’s the equality? Not very woke

Magnum
Magnum
6 years ago
Reply to  Ricky Spanish

Reality isn’t very “woke”.

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Finally a gladiatorial bloodsport that’s legal to watch
Definitely gonna be some shattered skulls
(I wonder what time of day the waves are less powerful ? haha)

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Yec’hed mat …. Cheers in Breton …. A bloody shame they didn’t hold it in Britany … I left a whole lot of brain cells in the bars and night clubs of the rustic villages surrounding the point of La Torche before , during and after a surf comp in 98 won by Sam Carrier . It rained non stop for 5 days but the spirits were not dampened especially at the opening ceremony with Madame the Mayor offering free Scotch …… setting the ambiance for the festivities ….. I turned up old , and relatively well dressed , on the first day , and the officials , thought I was just there to by a T-shirt and pointed me towards the merchandising tent …. luckily , for my bruised ego , I finished 9th , 1200 francs richer , though I spent 3000 , and got a Ronnie Coote . So as they say in Breton Kenavo , until next time but it ain’t going to happen so I will pull out my Hinano T-shirt instead …

c4
c4
6 years ago

Siiick!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  c4

No , I didn’t vomit … ha ha … but did fall off the dance floor backwards while dancing with a local lady , dropped my wallet , which my mates then hid until the next day , and sprained my shoulder , all this on the first night after having been asked to leave a well known and chic eating establishment after French mate decided it was a good idea to put the seaweed , a decoration for the oysters , on his head and charm customers who were there on a romantic dinner for two .

c4
c4
6 years ago

I was living with the craziest twenty year old girl back then that would have matched that. haha

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
6 years ago

The Japan Olympics comp will suck so much dribbly ass that I’ll be surprised if surfing isn’t replaced by jenga in time for Paris

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

The Luxemburg team seems to be sitting a little wide

c4
c4
6 years ago

I would love to see some lady in a burka get blown out of a ten foot chopes barrel. They have four years to practice.

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
6 years ago
Reply to  c4

Extra cloth will help with the stall in the barrel. Although foam ball grab my offset any benefits

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  c4

Inshallah …. if god wants it to be

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

This will be sick. Imagine the lesser known surfing nations reps seeing that place on fire. They’ll no way paddle off the boat. Slater is sticking around into his 50’s now for sure for sure.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

You never know … The guys from Peru and Chile fucking Charge …. I thought the Peruvian Goofy , Alonso Correa was a standout at the 2 comps at Sunset this year and has , provisionally , qualified for Japan 2020 .

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

I was thinking more like some landlocked pool qualifiers.. By ’24 there’s gonna be a few of them!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

The reality is that rich kids from landlocked countries , will spend years living in Costa Rica , The US , Hawaii , Australia , Indonesia etc and will put there hands up when Olympic Qualification raises its fruitful head . Just looking at the German Team …. Rachel Presti is from Melbourne Beach Florida and won an ISA World Junior Title , Frankie Harrer from California won more NSSA titles than Kolohe , possibly and Leon Glatzer is not living and surfing in Berlin but Costa Rica …

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

Treasonous or opportunistic?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

Practical . As Glenn Hall said “ I’d much prefer to surf for Ireland than dig holes ( on the shovel ) for Australia “

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Perhaps those particular hard chargers won’t make the qualification though.
Guess the rich kid competitors will have to set up permanent bases near the end of the road immediately then as California, Florida and Costa Rica etc ain’t gonna do much good for their training.
For instance, Toledo is a great competitor in normal waves, though was shamed at the Box and had his mojo stolen at Pipe yesterday.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Beef & Beer

Frankie Harrer charges Chopes with the help of … guess who ? Raimana , lives at Malibu with German Parents , possibly cashed up … ?

See her story here https://wavelengthmag.com/f…

Beef & Beer
Beef & Beer
6 years ago

Surprised Kelly hasn’t got him locked into a contract forbidding him from working with others

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago

Jesus man you really consume a lot of surf nonsense

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Superworm

Living in Germany allows one lots of time to inform one self about the current state of international surfing ( there is not a lot of waves ) …. having lived as an immigrant in France for 20 years then Germany one also has the chance to see surfing from different cultural perspectives outside of the US , Hawaiian and Australian Triangle …

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago

Do you ever wake up and ask yourself, well, how did I get here?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago
Reply to  Superworm

Since I was four years old ….

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Did he get a box from Renato? Or you know, it didn’t happen.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
6 years ago

No idea …. The first presentation I saw was at at Honolua Bay …and Sophie snuck up on the provisional qualifier as if she was going to announce they were going to appear on “ This is Your Life “ …..I think they may have sourced the tragic tapestries from a local Hawaiian Army Disposal Store and got some youngsters from a sheltered workshop to create the two dimensional representations of the athletes …. god love em

Jordy's pout
Jordy's pout
6 years ago

So we’ll get to cheer the heroics of half the field who’ve qualified on the basis of their ability to charge, and mock the cowardice of the other half who’ve qualified in small onshore slop. Sounds like a regular WCT event.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
6 years ago
Reply to  Jordy's pout

So true!

madmaxmedia
madmaxmedia
6 years ago
Reply to  Jordy's pout

It will make for good spectacle- the thrill of victory, and the agony of cowardice…

OffRocker
OffRocker
6 years ago
Reply to  Jordy's pout

And no wsl wall of positive noise….. there is nothing Olympic sports broadcasters love more than tears… 😭

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

They will really feel and be part of the Olympic experience.
Watching it on tv.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Just goes to show how little faith the Olympic Committee members have in Surfing. Without an audience on the beach, it’s all subject to broadcasting production gimmicks. If it sucks, they can literally pull the plug without anyone the wiser. Either all time viewing spectacle, or relegated to the winning wave highlight reel.

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
6 years ago

Dick thinks this will never happen. Weather it’s big or small, that money saved will be spent on trips to the hospital for the ladies. Someone will have to realize this before 2024.

Dane's Big Gulp
Dane's Big Gulp
6 years ago

Wonder how team China will begin training their boys to throw over the ledge. Would be a fantastic documentary…

Superworm
Superworm
6 years ago

I was about to post a silly comment then saw a strange black car pull up out front of my place with four Chinese suits peering out of it in my direction


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