Wash the hypocrisy away!
But did you watch Ricky Gervais’s gorgeous Golden Globes’ monologue from a few days ago? Oh, you must. The world’s second funniest man laid absolute waste to elite Hollywood hypocrisy, declaring at the end that they all work for gross polluters so spare all the green-washed, human rights-tinged speeches.
He’s right. Leo DiCaprio by hisself accounts for more naughty gasses in the atmosphere than a whole village of trash burning Peruvians. The only grosser polluter is Kelly Slater.
And us.
Our boards are downright toxic, no question about it, but… we like to surf so… somebody else should be greener.
No?
Well, a Milwaukee psychiatrist named Ken Cole has invented a progressive new surfboard technology from coffee bags and can we learn about him? Can we feel better about ourselves, slightly? Lets right now.
“Every single surfboard — approximately 400,000 are made each year and of those 99.999 are made out of foam and fiberglass and also toxic resins. And it’s going to go into the water and eventually break down,” he explains.
So, Cole decided to try making his own in his garage about three years ago. “Much to my wife’s and my family’s chagrin because making surfboards as you can see is extremely dusty.” Cole adds, “But that was the first time I used jute.”
Jute is a vegetable fiber used to make coffee bags. Thanks to a local roaster, Cole stitches donated bags together. They cover the core hand-cut by Cole.
Jute eliminated the need for fiberglass.
“So this board will have zero fiberglass whatsoever …. The process is a pretty long one because what I have to do is lay this jute down and pour bio-resin on it. All surfboards use resin of some sort — again an oil-based product,” Cole says.
He opts instead for a plant-based resin. “So you pour the resin on this, it eventually cured and then you have to massage it in and then you have a solid surfboard.”
Jute.
Are you in?
Kelly Slater should be.
Damned hypocrite.
Like the dude in a survival situation that was forced to smear his own feces all over himself to survive.
Beavis or butthead.
On overall performance, I say Michael Palin.
haha…or Bob Hope, yeah?
Some things really don’t deserve our mercy.
That’s nothing. I can invent a crowded lineup from recycled left over douche bags. Where is ELO anyways ?
That’s what I tell my wife and kids as they exit quickly; “It’s just off-gassing. The technology is still developing.”
Leonard Cohen?
Has he ever really been alive?
True story: Bought one of these for my niece as she asked for it as a Christmas present. So I got it. Took it home. She unwrapped it on Christmas morning and then calmly walked in to her Dad’s garage, got a hammer…. and then smashed it to pieces. I’ve never been so proud. It was the Colorado one – whatever year that was. A cowgirl as I remember.
#recycling (comments)
Why not just post that picture of the penis fish again?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Old Ken Cole
Old Ken Cole
Was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his WSL pipe masters,
And he called for his rip bowl,
And he called for his recycled bags of coffee!
And every coffee, he had a fine coffee,
And a very fine coffee had he.
“Twee tweedle dee, tweedle dee,” went the barista.
Oh, there’s none so rare
As can compare
With King Cole and his recycled bags of coffee.
People have been doing this stuff for 30 years Jen. It never quite takes off because it is Crap.
No shark, no comment.
It’s okay under a layer of standard glass otherwise it ‘fluffs’ when hit with a sander. I use it for tail patches from time to time. Sanded Australia have been supplying it for a long time. Just laminated a deck patch made from 100% recycled PET. Again under standard glass for the same reason but it’s a start.
If Gervais is the second funniest, who’s number one?
Apparently Pyzel is testing John F boards with algae based blanks. CI and others too.
https://www.google.com/amp/…
Jute and bio-resin that has to be massaged in. Anyone else is reminded of Marquez’s José Arcadio Buendía in 100 Years of Solitude?
It’s funny cause its true.
Happy Days , Ron Howard as Richie Cunningham,Joanie loves Chachi , Laverne and Shirley ,THE FONZ JUMPING A SHARK , Beer …. I Love Milwaukee ! And now Surfboards made from Coffee ..
https://youtu.be/ahxG3iPeVcU
Drove thru Malibu over Xmas and pointed to the water over yonder. Kids that’s where the actual jumping of the shark occurred in Happy Days.
what happened to the wool boards made from New Zealand sheep?
Ba Ba All Black Sheep ,
Have you any boards ?
Just saw on his FB “exciting new development In wool tech coming in 2020“
Same dude came up with the flexbar Tech that channel Island uses.
Dan?
Paul Barron.
There’s a Coffey sisters joke somewhere here, I just haven’t found it yet.
More as this joke develops.
What’s the difference between a surfboard made of old coffee bags and the Coffey sisters?
Less chemicals in the surfboard.
… the surfboard has a higher IQ.
One lump or two ?
What’s the difference between Coffey sisters and coffee bags?
You don’t massage a Coffey sister after you’ve laid her down and poured sticky liquid over her.
Kelly is all in!…
Sal: Yeah, so was talkin’ to Kellaaay on the phone just now… we’re buds. He told me he loved the jute surfboard idea. What would it take for you to come to FireWire, work for Slater Designs?
Ken: That’s awesome! It is pretty labor intensive, but I think I could do it! How much does it p… wait, who are you?
Sal: Sal Masekela, brah, don’t pretend like you don’t know me…
Ken: …
Sal: Anyway, yeah, we like the idea… hold on, I’m getting a call… hehe, it’s Kelly *clicking answer* Yo, Kellllaaay!! Oh, hi, Charlie… Lord Goldsmith, pardon me… mmmhhmm, yeah, I see. Really? Alllriiiiiight. Cool. Yeah, Laker tickets? How ’bout Clippers?… I know, but ELo gets a deal… mmhmm, OK, cool. Thanks for calling Char… Lord Goldsmith on Kelly’s phone. Have a lovely day.
Ken: What was that about?
Sal: Oh, um, that was Kelly’s spiritual healer… anyway, what kind of designs can you do?
Ken: Never made a shortboard, but should be able to figure it out.
Sal: Cool, cool, cool. How about Kelly brings you on to FireWire, and he paints his boards to look like the jute ones? What about that?
Ken: Like a PU board? Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of my boards?
Sal: yeah, but Kellz needs performance, and he doesn’t really care about the environment… here he sees a marketing opportunity…
Ken: I’m not gonna do it. Sorry.
Sal: Hold on a sec *answers phone* Hi Lord Goldsmith… oh, Kelly, it’s y… I mean, Kelllllaay! Here with Ken. He’s totally interested. Yep, uh huh, cool. Yeah, so where we golfing tonight? Penmar, cool, cool. Then we’ll get some Hot-N-Readies. Awesome. Later, brah. Love you… byyyyyyyyeeee. *hangs up* He also needs the boards to have chakra crystals or something…
Ken: What the fuck is going on?