Analyze This: Milwaukee-based psychiatrist invents progressive new surfboard technology from coffee bags!

Wash the hypocrisy away!

But did you watch Ricky Gervais’s gorgeous Golden Globes’ monologue from a few days ago? Oh, you must. The world’s second funniest man laid absolute waste to elite Hollywood hypocrisy, declaring at the end that they all work for gross polluters so spare all the green-washed, human rights-tinged speeches.

He’s right. Leo DiCaprio by hisself accounts for more naughty gasses in the atmosphere than a whole village of trash burning Peruvians. The only grosser polluter is Kelly Slater.

And us.

Our boards are downright toxic, no question about it, but… we like to surf so… somebody else should be greener.

No?

Well, a Milwaukee psychiatrist named Ken Cole has invented a progressive new surfboard technology from coffee bags and can we learn about him? Can we feel better about ourselves, slightly? Lets right now.

“Every single surfboard — approximately 400,000 are made each year and of those 99.999 are made out of foam and fiberglass and also toxic resins. And it’s going to go into the water and eventually break down,” he explains.

So, Cole decided to try making his own in his garage about three years ago. “Much to my wife’s and my family’s chagrin because making surfboards as you can see is extremely dusty.” Cole adds, “But that was the first time I used jute.”

Jute is a vegetable fiber used to make coffee bags. Thanks to a local roaster, Cole stitches donated bags together. They cover the core hand-cut by Cole.

Jute eliminated the need for fiberglass.

“So this board will have zero fiberglass whatsoever …. The process is a pretty long one because what I have to do is lay this jute down and pour bio-resin on it. All surfboards use resin of some sort — again an oil-based product,” Cole says.

He opts instead for a plant-based resin. “So you pour the resin on this, it eventually cured and then you have to massage it in and then you have a solid surfboard.”

Jute.

Are you in?

Kelly Slater should be.

Damned hypocrite.


Queensland Government reveals hunt for Great White spotted at new artificial reef: “Human life is absolutely paramount”

Fishermen say the reef has become a magnet for mackerel, a popular dish of Great Whites.

A couple of hundred yards off the northern end of Palm Beach, just south of Burleigh Heads on the Gold Coast, is a just-completed artificial reef, which was designed to stop erosion on the area’s beaches.

The reef is also very good for fishing and, momentarily, featured a pretty wild righthand slab until authorities blasted a shallow chunk of reef to remove the danger.

On Christmas Day, the beach was shut-down when two teenage surfers came in panicked saying they’d been circled by a Great White and that it had come so close they could see the markings on its dorsal fin.

Fishermen say the reef has become a magnet for mackerel, a popular dish for Great Whites.

Now, after further sightings, six drumlines have been installed two hundred yards further out to catch the Great White.

Palm Beach shark. Source: 9News

“Human life is absolutely paramount,” said Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk and said the drumlines would remain “as long as they need to.”

How do drumlines work?

It’s simple and it ain’t pretty.

A baited hook is suspended from a plastic float which is anchored to the sea bed.

If it’s a regular drumline, the shark hangs there, dying slowly, until it’s removed.

If the drumline is the so-called SMART (Shark-Management-Alert-in-Real-Time) version, a satellite-linked GPS communications unit is attached to the baited hook. When the shark takes the bait, the communication unit sends its location to the drumline operator who tags, relocates and releases the animal.

Do they work?

Yep, but they’re messy and do a lot of killing of non-lethal animals.

From the ABC, 

Fact Check’s assessment of historical shark attack figures and discussions with experts suggest that the use of traditional drum lines and shark nets do markedly reduce the incidence of shark attack when implemented on a regular and consistent basis, although this comes at a cost to marine life.

Professor Colin Buxton of the University of Tasmania has told Fact Check “the use of shark nets and drum lines is a proven way of reducing shark attack, however the public need to understand and acknowledge that this works by killing sharks”.


"Mama! Where's my mama?"

Shocking Discovery: Marine biologists stumble upon Great White shark that displays never-before-seen “sissy little mama’s boy” traits!

Is the Shark Apocalypse taking a horrifying turn?

And 2020 has taken a nasty down turn as it relates to our ongoing Shark Apocalypse. The one where the vicious, unrepentant apex predators heed neither good manners nor shark repellant technology in order to eat men at a near record clip. The one where they flash their sharp teeth with reckless abandon from California to Australia, America’s eastern seaboard to Réunion Island.

Oh it is a scary time to dare venture into ocean waters, positively terrifying, and all hope is near lost. Near lost and possibly nearer with today’s troubling developments that marine biologists have discovered hovering off the coast of North Carolina. For it is there that a massive Great White named “Shaw” has displayed perplexing behavior, refusing to migrate south to warmer waters as is the norm.

But why?

The very latest suggests Shaw is a sissy mama’s boy refusing to leave his nursery and let us go straight to The Charlotte Observer for more.

A 10-foot-3-inch great white shark is entering its third month of mysteriously pacing up and down the same stretch of coast off Virginia and North Carolina, and experts now have a theory.

OCEARCH began tracking the 564-pound apex predator’s strange coastal fixation in December, and the shark, named Shaw, was still there Monday. Shaw showed up on satellite at 4:13 a.m. off Cape Hatteras on the Outer Banks, tracking shows.

The nonprofit research agency believes this odd behavior may come down to a matter of ocean temperature, specifically a spot off Cape Hatteras known as the “faunal break.”

“White sharks usually cross it easily and spend the cooler months south of the break, but Shaw has been flirting with the line for over a month now.”

Other white sharks tagged by the nonprofit have “breezed past” the barrier, so OCEARCH isn’t sure why Shaw is so reluctant.

Some data collected by OCEARCH has suggested young sharks prefer to stay close to their nursery in the first two years of life. But Shaw is categorized as a “sub-adult,” not a juvenile, according to data collected Oct. 1, when he was tagged off Lunenburg, Nova Scotia.

The socially unaware among us may be inclined to mock Shaw and even bully him, calling him names etc. but we students of uncomfortable behaviors know that many, if not most, serial killers have mother issues. That they were either too coddled, or entirely neglected, maternally.

Might Shaw be preparing to serially kill due some over-infatuation with mommy?

Like Norman Bates in Psycho?

More as the disturbing story develops.


Surf City: American Girl Doll’s 2020 “Girl of the Year” is a “lightly disabled” goofy-foot from Huntington Beach, California!

A proud day for surfers everywhere!

If you have a young daughter, or had a young daughter at any point during the last fifteen years, then you are certainly aware of American Girl Doll phenomenon. The popular figurines have their own megastores, cafes, salons and complex storylines that “cover significant topics such as child labor, child abuse, poverty, racism, slavery, animal abuse and war in manners appropriate for the understanding and sensibilities of their young audience.”

Each year, a “Girl of the Year” is introduced. 2019 brought us “Blaire… a girl from Hudson Valley, New York with a passion for farm-to-table fare and some food sensitivities.”

This year brings us Joss, a hardcore HB local and let’s meet her together.

On the beaches of sunny southern California, Joss Kendrick™ can’t wait to hop on her surfboard. But is she ready for a new way to fly?

As a girl who’s all in when she takes to the waves, Joss won’t back down when her brother dares her to try out for the cheer team. What Joss expects to be a silly sport turns into something much more as she discovers the girls on the team are real athletes. Now that she’s waded into unfamiliar waters, will Joss sink—or soar higher than she ever has?

Follow Joss’s story as she strives to reach new heights while uncovering a whole new side of herself.

Now, Joss is has a slight hearing problem and comes with a removable hearing aid but, of course, that doesn’t stand in her way. What might, though, is this new interest in cheerleading. If Joss expects to follow in the proud footsteps of Kanoa Igarashi then she will have to focus, exclusively, on her air-reverse game.

And not getting swept into the underage bacchanal called The U.S. Open of Surfing where young teenaged boys and girls are dragged into a whirlpool of unthinkable debauchery.

The American Girl Dolls come with many accessories. I can only hope one of Joss Kendrick’s is a bottle of pepper spray. I also hope she is not part of Hurley’s flow team.

Much heartbreak.


Police search for the body of diver Gary Johnson.

Revealed: Diver wearing govt-subsidised shark repellant when killed by Great White: “About nine out of ten times it does work.”

Shark repellants. They work until they don't.

On Sunday, diver Gary Johnson was killed by a Great White shark minutes after entering the water off Esperance in Western Australia’s south-east.

Johnson’s wife, Karen Milligan, was in the water when the White attacked.

“I tried to hit the tail of the shark but it did nothing,” she told The Australian.

Milligan’s emergency call was succinct.

“My husband’s been taken by a Great White,” she told police operators.

Equally ineffective was Johnson’s government-subsidised Shark Shield, a device that can be attached to a surfboard or ankle.

In a social media post from 2017, Johnson had praised the device.

“In my nine years diving in Esperance (most weekends – weather permitting) I have only seen one shark – a bronze whaler who showed absolutely no interest in me,” he wrote.

The state’s Fisheries Minister, Peter Tinley, admitted the Shark Shields weren’t “fail-safe.”

“Nine out of times it does work,” he said.

Shark repellants do present an interesting case given their effectiveness is rarely tested.

Do you remember Modom’s $250 shark leash, built with magnets from New Jersey-based SharkDefense, a company that also sold a Batman-style shark repellant spray.

When Florida surfer Zack  Davis was hit by a black tip while wearing a Sharkbanz bracelet he was contacted by the company who said it was the first time anyone had been attacked while wearing the magical trinket.

“What happened here is essentially the rarest of shark encounters,” co-founder Nathan Garrison said.

And Shark Shields?

They work until they don’t.

This abalone diver, Peter Clarkson, also from Esperance, praised Shark Shields in a testimony on the company’s website only to be killed by two Whites in South Australia.

It’s unknown whether he was wearing the device or whether or not it was switched on.

Same with Johnson although you would think he’d flick the switch when he jumped in the water.

Hits by sharks in the pretty coastal hamlet aren’t a rarity.

In 2017, seventeen-year-old surfer Laeticia Brouwer died after being mauled by a Great White at a popular wave in Esperance called Kelpies.

In 2014, surfer Sean Pollard lost an arm and both hands in an attack during a solo sesh at Wylie Bay.

Meanwhile, police divers continue the search for Johnson’s body.