"Mama! Where's my mama?"

Shocking Discovery: Marine biologists stumble upon Great White shark that displays never-before-seen “sissy little mama’s boy” traits!

Is the Shark Apocalypse taking a horrifying turn?

And 2020 has taken a nasty down turn as it relates to our ongoing Shark Apocalypse. The one where the vicious, unrepentant apex predators heed neither good manners nor shark repellant technology in order to eat men at a near record clip. The one where they flash their sharp teeth with reckless abandon from California to Australia, America’s eastern seaboard to Réunion Island.

Oh it is a scary time to dare venture into ocean waters, positively terrifying, and all hope is near lost. Near lost and possibly nearer with today’s troubling developments that marine biologists have discovered hovering off the coast of North Carolina. For it is there that a massive Great White named “Shaw” has displayed perplexing behavior, refusing to migrate south to warmer waters as is the norm.

But why?

The very latest suggests Shaw is a sissy mama’s boy refusing to leave his nursery and let us go straight to The Charlotte Observer for more.

A 10-foot-3-inch great white shark is entering its third month of mysteriously pacing up and down the same stretch of coast off Virginia and North Carolina, and experts now have a theory.

OCEARCH began tracking the 564-pound apex predator’s strange coastal fixation in December, and the shark, named Shaw, was still there Monday. Shaw showed up on satellite at 4:13 a.m. off Cape Hatteras on the Outer Banks, tracking shows.

The nonprofit research agency believes this odd behavior may come down to a matter of ocean temperature, specifically a spot off Cape Hatteras known as the “faunal break.”

“White sharks usually cross it easily and spend the cooler months south of the break, but Shaw has been flirting with the line for over a month now.”

Other white sharks tagged by the nonprofit have “breezed past” the barrier, so OCEARCH isn’t sure why Shaw is so reluctant.

Some data collected by OCEARCH has suggested young sharks prefer to stay close to their nursery in the first two years of life. But Shaw is categorized as a “sub-adult,” not a juvenile, according to data collected Oct. 1, when he was tagged off Lunenburg, Nova Scotia.

The socially unaware among us may be inclined to mock Shaw and even bully him, calling him names etc. but we students of uncomfortable behaviors know that many, if not most, serial killers have mother issues. That they were either too coddled, or entirely neglected, maternally.

Might Shaw be preparing to serially kill due some over-infatuation with mommy?

Like Norman Bates in Psycho?

More as the disturbing story develops.


Surf City: American Girl Doll’s 2020 “Girl of the Year” is a “lightly disabled” goofy-foot from Huntington Beach, California!

A proud day for surfers everywhere!

If you have a young daughter, or had a young daughter at any point during the last fifteen years, then you are certainly aware of American Girl Doll phenomenon. The popular figurines have their own megastores, cafes, salons and complex storylines that “cover significant topics such as child labor, child abuse, poverty, racism, slavery, animal abuse and war in manners appropriate for the understanding and sensibilities of their young audience.”

Each year, a “Girl of the Year” is introduced. 2019 brought us “Blaire… a girl from Hudson Valley, New York with a passion for farm-to-table fare and some food sensitivities.”

This year brings us Joss, a hardcore HB local and let’s meet her together.

On the beaches of sunny southern California, Joss Kendrick™ can’t wait to hop on her surfboard. But is she ready for a new way to fly?

As a girl who’s all in when she takes to the waves, Joss won’t back down when her brother dares her to try out for the cheer team. What Joss expects to be a silly sport turns into something much more as she discovers the girls on the team are real athletes. Now that she’s waded into unfamiliar waters, will Joss sink—or soar higher than she ever has?

Follow Joss’s story as she strives to reach new heights while uncovering a whole new side of herself.

Now, Joss is has a slight hearing problem and comes with a removable hearing aid but, of course, that doesn’t stand in her way. What might, though, is this new interest in cheerleading. If Joss expects to follow in the proud footsteps of Kanoa Igarashi then she will have to focus, exclusively, on her air-reverse game.

And not getting swept into the underage bacchanal called The U.S. Open of Surfing where young teenaged boys and girls are dragged into a whirlpool of unthinkable debauchery.

The American Girl Dolls come with many accessories. I can only hope one of Joss Kendrick’s is a bottle of pepper spray. I also hope she is not part of Hurley’s flow team.

Much heartbreak.


Police search for the body of diver Gary Johnson.

Revealed: Diver wearing govt-subsidised shark repellant when killed by Great White: “About nine out of ten times it does work.”

Shark repellants. They work until they don't.

On Sunday, diver Gary Johnson was killed by a Great White shark minutes after entering the water off Esperance in Western Australia’s south-east.

Johnson’s wife, Karen Milligan, was in the water when the White attacked.

“I tried to hit the tail of the shark but it did nothing,” she told The Australian.

Milligan’s emergency call was succinct.

“My husband’s been taken by a Great White,” she told police operators.

Equally ineffective was Johnson’s government-subsidised Shark Shield, a device that can be attached to a surfboard or ankle.

In a social media post from 2017, Johnson had praised the device.

“In my nine years diving in Esperance (most weekends – weather permitting) I have only seen one shark – a bronze whaler who showed absolutely no interest in me,” he wrote.

The state’s Fisheries Minister, Peter Tinley, admitted the Shark Shields weren’t “fail-safe.”

“Nine out of times it does work,” he said.

Shark repellants do present an interesting case given their effectiveness is rarely tested.

Do you remember Modom’s $250 shark leash, built with magnets from New Jersey-based SharkDefense, a company that also sold a Batman-style shark repellant spray.

When Florida surfer Zack  Davis was hit by a black tip while wearing a Sharkbanz bracelet he was contacted by the company who said it was the first time anyone had been attacked while wearing the magical trinket.

“What happened here is essentially the rarest of shark encounters,” co-founder Nathan Garrison said.

And Shark Shields?

They work until they don’t.

This abalone diver, Peter Clarkson, also from Esperance, praised Shark Shields in a testimony on the company’s website only to be killed by two Whites in South Australia.

It’s unknown whether he was wearing the device or whether or not it was switched on.

Same with Johnson although you would think he’d flick the switch when he jumped in the water.

Hits by sharks in the pretty coastal hamlet aren’t a rarity.

In 2017, seventeen-year-old surfer Laeticia Brouwer died after being mauled by a Great White at a popular wave in Esperance called Kelpies.

In 2014, surfer Sean Pollard lost an arm and both hands in an attack during a solo sesh at Wylie Bay.

Meanwhile, police divers continue the search for Johnson’s body.


What if your kids could see you in your prime? Would they be very impressed or horrified?

Brave thoughts on Cowardice: “At what point do we reconsider? When is it time to put on the brakes a bit?”

(You’re welcome you rotten kids)

I’m not young or old but a thought just struck me that might be of interest.

Mortality.

Going down a mine shaft, a firery, crewing an Aleutian crab boat, an LAPD cop? Risky jobs, sure but Surfing 12-15’ pipe for a living is right up there for sheer danger.

At what point do we reconsider?

I used to enjoy pushing myself to my limit*. Now I just enjoy dodging fear.

A mate of mine, a very good snowboarder and a fellow grommet team member’s dad. Went down a green run carrying a backpack with a water bottle in it. For reasons unexplained he went over a medium jump backwards (dodging someone?)

18 fractures in 11 ribs. 10% chance of survival. Has since improved (thank Twillsy) and has narrowly escaped death or permanent disability.

On to Kohl Christensen. I’ve been following this guy’s career for years. Same vintage as Kelly. A perennial Wave of the Winter guy. Amazing surfer.

We’re all WOTW guys in our own right, I suppose. In our own fields or great passions but when is it time to put on the brakes a bit?

I’ve got two young kids that constantly piss me off and impress me occasionally.

I’d do anything for them.

I’ve lead a reckless and selfish life and still do. Not as extreme as Kohl, or Chesser, or Brock, or Jay but just as risky and frivolous in different ways that might even horrify the above mentioned.

But I want to be around for my kids.

Divorce, booze, depression, temptation, addiction, selfishness, can lead even the strongest of us astray.

Forget oxy, Stoli, coke (sniff here) a nice Malbec or 6, adrenaline is as dangerous a drug as any of ’em.

As our skill sets decline should not our desire to be doing double back flips or pulling into close outs at 12-15’ pipe decline also?

I’m doing my bit.

(You’re welcome you rotten kids)

Respectfully

R. Matic

*yawn.


Justin Trudeau (pictured left) not in Costa Rica.

“World’s Sexiest Head of State” and Canadian Justin Trudeau goes on holiday surf vacation to Costa Rica!

"Happy to life!"

It is wonderful to know that while the world burns both literally (Australia) and figuratively (Iran) that important heads of state can still carve out some much needed “me time.” Politicians… they’re just like us! And Canada’s own Prime Minister, the universally declared “Sexiest Leader of a Nation in both the Developed and Non Categories” Justin Trudeau just returned from a much needed surf vacation down to sunny Costa Rica.

The Ontario native is no “first timer” as it were. Nine-some months ago, he traveled across his Great White North to surf Tofino. At the time, Canadian press excoriated their beloved first son because, “The family trip, which was expected to have emitted more carbon than an average Canadian does in a year, is once again being investigated by the Lobbying Commissioner.”

Canadians… they’re just like us!

In any case, the Costa Rica surf adventure was, by all accounts, happy but let’s not speculate. Let’s go directly to The Costa Rica News for slippahs-on-the-ground reportage:

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau left Costa Rican territory on Saturday after having enjoyed the waves in the Central Pacific.

Trudeau said he was “fascinated” with the country and said he will return, said the pilot Everardo Carmona, owner of the CarmonAir Charter line and responsible for returning the president to the Juan Santamaría International Airport (AIJS) in Alajuela.

He came to surf, happy of life. To spend the end of the year with his family (his wife Sophie Grégoire, and their children Xavier, Ella-Grace, and Hadrien) and what he was sharing with them, “said the aviator in a telephone conversation with The Observer.

He was fascinated with the country. That he returns is what he says, “he added.”

Happy to life.

Costa Ricans… they’re just like us!