Shark bites surfer.
Shark bites surfer.

Revealed: Surfers account for vast majority of world’s unprovoked shark attacks, attracting the apex predators by “splashing” and “wiping out!”

We're number 1!

We’re number 1, we’re number 1 and don’t tell me you don’t have a warm glow in your chest right now, emanating outward, feeling real nice. Don’t tell me you aren’t proud as punch because when was the last time we were number 1 in anything? Our industry has been decimated, climate change is chewing through our communities and/or burning them to the ground, Kelly Slater will soon retire and then no one will even know what surfing is anymore full stop.

Not even after it’s “huge” Olympic debut.

But today we’re number 1 as it was just revealed in the Yearly Worldwide Shark Attack Summary.

Today we are proud as punch and let’s read the section pertaining to our singular glories, what we do better than all ocean-going folk combined.

Following recent trends, surfers and those participating in board sports accounted for most incidents (53% of the total cases). This group spends a large amount of time in the surf zone, an area commonly frequented by sharks, and may unintentionally attract sharks by splashing, paddling, and “wiping out.” Swimmers and waders accounted for 25% of incidents, with remaining incidents divided between snorkelers/free divers (11%), body-surfers (8%), and scuba divers (3%).

It makes much sense that sharks don’t like to be splashed.

To be quite honest, I don’t like to be splashed either especially when my eyes are open and the splashed water hits one of them with some velocity. It hurts and, if I recall in my nearly finished graduate degree in shark behaviors, the man-eating beasts don’t have eyelids.

In any case, I’m proud of us and we all deserve to take the rest of the day off.

Go surfing, get attacked, smile.

Today is ours.

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Italo Ferreira: “The Olympics is something gigantic for surfing seeing as just a few years ago it was seen as a sport for bums!”

I'll pack my bags, I guess.

Our new world champ is wonderful, bright, effervescent, magnetic, handsome, talented, fun, funny, has a beautiful better half, progressive, snappy, happy, glorious, grand but he said something today that made me very sad.

That put a tear in my eye.

I’m having trouble seeing right now, with that tear, so let’s just go to Reuters. Let’s allow the news organization to give you the details.

On Wednesday, freshly crowned surfing world champion Italo Ferreira sliced through steep, fast-barreling waves off Rio de Janeiro’s Leblon beach and popped several feet into the air.

On the shore, dozens of young fans cheered and shouted as the soft-spoken native of Brazil’s impoverished northeast carved effortlessly through the swell. Most had arrived – parents in tow – for a skimboarding clinic, a close cousin of surfing where riders focus on small waves close to shore.

For Ferreira, one of two surfers set to represent Brazil at the sport’s Olympic debut in Japan this summer, scenes like this help explain how the sport, after decades of trying, finally scored a spot at the Games.

“(The Olympics) is something gigantic for surfing, seeing as just a few years ago, surfing was seen as a sport for bums,” said Ferreira, after exiting the water, signing autographs and snapping photos with fans.

Surfing is no longer a sport for bums?

No?

Well…

First they came for the standard thrusters, and I did not speak out—
Because I did not ride a standard thruster.

Then they came for the men who wear below-the-knee boardshorts, and I did not speak out—
Because I did not wear below-the-knee boardshorts.

Then they came for the Hurley team riders, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Hurley team rider.

Then they came for the bums—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Weeping.

Weeping openly.

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"Colleagues and co-workers, Italo JUST won!"
"Colleagues and co-workers, Italo JUST won!"

Scientific Study: Watching surf contests online while at work helps employees “cope with exceptionally stressful environments” thereby increasing productivity!

Let them eat cyberloaf!

Science is a tricky, tricky son-of-a-gun. One minute we think we have something all figured out. Think we know real hard facts, like going to work, flipping on the computer, heading to BeachGrit, chatting with best friends in the comments or – even better – watching a full eight hours of online surf contest while getting paid to do something else (read: work) is devious, at best. Lightly criminal, at second best.

The next minute we learn that BeachGritting, Wozzling, Instagramming Kelly Slater then getting involved in flat-earth debates just to get the GOAT’s goat is not only healthy but increases employee productivity.

Whoa!

But true?

Let’s waste time deciding for ourselves. Let’s dig straight in to the Chicago Sun Times and sort the pieces out together.

If you’re like most workers, you don’t spend 100% of your time at the office doing what you’re supposed to be doing.

In fact, on average, U.S. workers spend about 10% of their work day surfing the internet, emailing friends or shopping online. This so-called cyberloafing costs employers up to US$85 billion a year.

But it turns out, these behaviors may not be a sign a worker is lazy or just wasting time. New research I conducted with several colleagues suggests cyberloafing can help workers cope with an exceptionally stressful work environment.

Existing research on cyberloafing, a term first coined in 2002 by researchers from the National University of Singapore, typically assumes that this behavior is problematic and counterproductive.

Therefore, the majority of cyberloafing research focuses on ways to deter employees from engaging in this behavior through interventions such as internet monitoring and computer use policies.

However, more recent research has found that using the internet at work for personal purposes may also have some positive outcomes. For instance, social media use at work has been linked to higher levels of employee engagement and job satisfaction.

And other studies indicate that cyberloafing may provide a way for employees to manage workplace stress. For instance, empirical research suggest that employees surf the web as a response to boredom and unclear instructions.

But is cyberloafing actually effective at reducing employee stress levels?

Blah, blah, blah… study, study, study.

Overall, about 65% of participants reported spending at least some time at work cyberloafing, in mostly moderate amounts, with the most common form being the use of personal email.

While we did not directly assess how cyberloafing affects worker performance, we believe that by relieving stress this buffering effect may ultimately help employees be more productive. This fits with other recent research that suggests taking short breaks throughout the work day is indirectly associated with higher levels of daily job performance.

And there we have it.

Science, amiright?

Where’s your favorite place to cyberloaf?

Should BeachGrit bake and sell actual cyberloafs?

How would they be flavored?

Very exciting.

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Urbnsurf, not today.

Extreme weather: Australia’s climate change apocalypse forces Melbourne wave pool to close!

"Australia today is ground zero for the climate catastrophe."

Hell of a summer for Australia’s east coast.

An apocalypse of fire and brimstone and skies so red with smoke and debris The New York Times headlined an opinion piece, “Australia is committing climate suicide: As record fires rage, the country’s leaders seem intent on sending it to its doom.

Opening line: “Australia today is ground zero for the climate catastrophe.”

But what seemed a little hyperbolic now appears prophetic with today’s closure of the country’s first commercial wave pool, Urbnsurf, near Melbourne’s Tullamarine airport, after its gorgeous azure waters were turned brown by extreme weather.

“First it was the hazardous smoke haze, then golf ball-sized hail and flooding rain. Now Melburnians are scratching their heads at dirty orange swimming pools and sludge-coated cars, clothes and outdoor furniture,” reports The Age

Dust from storms in the country town of Mallee, five hundred k’s north, had drifted south and, last night, mixed with rain over Melbourne and fell as mud.

From Urbnsurf:

Due to a severe rain and dust storm that hit Melbourne late last night, @urbnsurf will unfortunately be closed today, 23 January 2020. Our guests’ health and safety is paramount, so our dedicated facilities crew have been working around the clock to return our lagoon to its crystal-blue norm.

If you’ve booked a sesh, you’ll get a pool credit and three years to redeem it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B7oo4n6HKHU/

Is the end truly nigh?

When even man-made waves are forced to bow before the might of the climate change juggernaut?

Are we staring into the pit of death?

Etc.

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Supernatural: Wife of Australian shark attack survivor dreams of “dark, murky, rainy bite to the bone” two days before it occurs!

"I had a dream..."

And just imagine, for one second, that your wife or significant other had supernatural abilities. Could see into the future, as clear as anything, dreaming of a “dark, murky, rainy day. You sitting on your board. Your face then… a tug.”

Would you wink, mutter, “Onya” then paddle out at a break in New South Wales, Australia named “Sharkys” on a dark, murky and rainy day?

Men aren’t built as devil-may-care as Wil Schroeter anymore and let’s learn of his harrowing encounter then be inspired by his bravery then be jealous of his wife, who we would certainly pack up immediately and take to Las Vegas for a wild week-long bender of winnings not seen since Back to the Future II.

‘Just paddling – I’m going, when’s this thing going to bite me again?’ he said.

The bite went through to the bone of his foot and caused ligament damage.

Mr Schroeter’s wife Michelle said she had a dream he would be bitten by a shark two days earlier.

‘I remember it was clear as anything. Dark, murky, rainy day. I remember Wil sitting on his board. I didn’t see the shark, either. I just saw his face with the tug,’ she said.

The surf break is known as ‘Sharky’s’ and is a regular spot where of Mr Schroeter’s.

NSW Police said in a statement on Friday that no shark has been sighted in the area despite lifeguards patrolling on jet skis during the day.

Two hammerhead sharks were, however, seen in the area two weeks ago.

Hammerheads?

Hold one just one moment. We’ve been fixated on Great Whites, Tigers, Bulls and Flying Needlefish but Hammerheads?

Oh boy.

Oh literal boy.

No more surfing anywhere until this new threat can be assessed.

Also, Ms. Schroeter, if you are available for a Vegas run it will be all-expense paid.

More as the story develops.

But quickly, Niners or Chiefs?

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