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New Year, New You: Start 2020 off right by “oozing big-wave cred” with a “sophisticated, functional” work of art!

Dreams come true!

Now that the calendar has flipped for everyone, for us all, from 2019 to 2020 it is time to sober up and consider the changes we want to make in this new decade. How we would like to perceived by others. What we would like to see staring back from the mirror.

And there is one thing that we would all wear well.

More big-wave cred. Heaps more big wave-cred. So much big-wave cred that it oozes from our very pores.

But how do we get?

Of course we’re not going to paddle out at Maverick, Jaw or wherever, no. We are going to buy a Jeff Trotter Design Skin Surf branded as… “The synergy of style & sport. Surfboards, in a sophisticated and sleek neutral palette of crocodile inspired prints, that are both sculptural pieces of interior art and functional high-performance boards.”

Jeff Stone Trotter says, “I grew up spending endless summer days on the beaches of Santa Monica and Malibu, so coastal living has always inspired my design aesthetic. My goal was to design sophisticated, real boards, that function as beautiful works of art when they’re not out in the water.”

Elle Magazine promises, “The boards ooze big-wave cred, even if they never leave their perch above your mantle.”

Sold?

Buy here!

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77 Comments
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Mild mannered civil servant

I’m a firm fan of both the Beater and the 54 Special, but especially the Beater — it complements the reckless aquatic poncing persona I’ve cultivated, which in turns means I don’t get dropped in on… but God how the injuries are stacking up.

frank

surfboards as signs seems like the thin end of the wedge here, and this charlatan has taken it to a whole new offensive level!
here’s an upscale shoe store in Stockholm a few days ago for Christmas, and those are a bunch of shaped, airbrushesd, but strangely not glassed, fun boards
aaarrggghhh! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Corey Webster

I’m really having trouble deciding which size JTD Surfboard to buy. I’m torn between the size Medium and size Large surfboard.

Waterman of the year

Never trust a man who wears white shoes

Paulo De Tarso Duarte

The great rule
Someone with white shoes it’s someone’s who never touch dirty things, but command others to do that kinda of job

Beef & Beer

Or dyes his hair
(Especially grey)

Beef & Beer

And interesting that he’s emulating some of us on here who have naturally grey hair…

Hippy

Elle understands big wave cred as well as Daniel Duane.

Neither has witnessed a completed ride, but still celebrate equality.

Hippy

You could give this moron an aneurysm if you visit his display and wax the “boards”

Gadoot

I would rather ride the corona or coors light surfboard hanging on the wall at the local beach bar

Chief Hot stuff

Remember when Elle macphersons sisters sex tape was getting around.?
That’s all I got from this article

Beef & Beer

Never heard of it
Can ya post a link ?

Chief Hot stuff

Was before inte r net porn so it’s hardly worth a kleenex.

channelbottom

I wonder if he might care to elaborate on the precise specialised area of surfing in which these boards would function as ‘High Performamce’?

The specs describe a single fin box, so perhaps we might see someone riding one in the ‘Single Fin Classic’?

Also:
”High Each board is hand-carved, shaped, and glassed by Wax Surf Co. in Southern California.”

Hand-carved AND shaped. Awesome. Truly worth 2.5k +

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Hey Chas, how about a new year’s resolution to interview with Ashton Goggans, with questions submitted by commenters and Derek and Wee Mikey C doing the interview?

Phat-wan kerr

did you change your email address?

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Same.

Phat-wan kerr

yeah, that’s it. I flicked you a mail a couple of weeks ago, just the standard happy holidays waffle.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Ok will look for it. May try a Nica run with the fam in June if you can afford. Try to get VONR there too.

Phat-wan kerr

nice.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Actually resend as not showing in my inbox.

Phat-wan kerr

when are surfboards no longer surfboards?
when they are marketed as “sculptural pieces of interior art”

Lemon Next to the Pie

I’m no expert on tail rocker, but those look a little wider in the tail than I’m looking for in my big wave boards. So I guess that takes me out of the market, as if the price tag didn’t anyway.

Phat-wan kerr

they look like double enders.

channelbottom
OffRocker
channelbottom

Hey OR!
How are you?

OffRocker

Thanks man!!! Back on the horse after a few minor complications over Xmas that set things back. Hooked up to the poison as we speak… And stoked about it!

channelbottom

Great to hear things might be on the up!

Really stoked for you and delighted we still have you as grumpy local.

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt

Way to keep up the positive attitude. Best of luck to you. Let those poisons poison the bad stuff inside you and you come through all this with a great outlook on life.

Wowen Ilson

Requiem for a dream?

OffRocker

Double ender!!!

Wowen Ilson

I remember watching it for the first time. Stumbled across it after a night out partying. After the first 20 minutes I expected a light-hearted drug-comedy. Boy, was I wrong. Never thought a movie finale featuring a double-ender dildo can leave you feeling that bad..

OffRocker

Yeah it’s heavy eh. I had pretty much the same reaction…

Wowen Ilson

Right up there with Irréversible on the top of my feel-bad movie list

Keith Grace

Will the commercial for this run before or after the Michelob Ultra commercials during WSL Seeding Round heats in 2020?

Paulo De Tarso Duarte

Hello Mr. Stoner!
I want one … all white!
To serve as a sacrificial table!…
To the virgins I will take to my apartment… and after, offer their souls to our god and savior…
Cthulhu!

Tks!

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

Nick Carroll

And bring the shaggoths!

Paulo De Tarso Duarte

I think, with the arriving Shaggoths, maybe Chas will give a break to the poors whities…

Beef & Beer

Yaaawn…

James Bickerton

Surfing is ripe for a Dada moment / movement ?…… Would you like to see my crocodile skinned aging surfer ball bag hangIng over a porcelain urinal signed R Mutt ? Not fucking likely but beauty is in the eye of the beholder ……but this robot , Crocodile Trust Fundee , selling non surfing surfboards really riles me up ….

frank

dada is pretty spot on JB, I can imagine people seething at seeing that potty!
I feel your riled-ness brother!

James Bickerton

Yes , I would love to see ,( a bit like what Banksy’s “Girl with Balloon” did when sold at auction) , one of these boards , overnight , melt , staining the wall and leaving a blob on the floor reeking of decomposing seaweed , rotting dolphin and booty sluice juice …. the ocean giveth ?

Nick Carroll

I do like the way he throws “Stone” in there, like “Jeff Stone Trotter”

Otto

It adds volume, length and doubles the con cave.

Nick Carroll

Well it’s so easy to get these things wrong! What if the horse in the photo was shitting itself, or if he’d got the order of the names backward, “Stone Jeff Trotter” has an entirely different feel

Otto

I bet those are unicorns.

Nick Carroll

One can only hope.

Otto

I could hope for big wave cred too, but that shit’s expensive.

Phat-wan kerr

nah, just horny horses.

James Bickerton

I would like to throw stones at the objects d’art …… Stone the fucking crows a surfboard which you can’t surf on ….. consume , be silent …. die

Nick Carroll

These days it’s more like consume and never fucking shut up.

Kelly Slater’s Faith Healer

The more you complain the less time you have to listen to people.

Otto

Ben Marcus has no time to listen to the People™.

Lemon Next to the Pie

Ahem, ‘comment to the People’.

Lemon Next to the Pie

First thing I thought was ‘Pig’s Arse’.

channelbottom

Is he perhaps related to Volcom Stone?

Stephen Wolfram

Some dudes have a punch me face, he has a punch-me face AND a punch-me name.

Abscessed Llama

The guys who built these boards are the real artist..

astro

Mrs a frequently describes my interior design piece as being misshapen or deformed, also ugly and crude.
I think it’s beautiful.


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