Veal of the Sea: Survivalist called “Tarzan of LA” sparks blinding outrage by butchering, eating “adorably tender” baby dolphin on California beach!

"Definitely gamey."

But let’s very seriously look each other in the eye and have an honest, thorough discussion. What is the cutest animal you have ever eaten? A veal scallopini, made from ambrosial wee calf, as tender as the final scene of Ryan Gosling’s The Notebook? A melt-in-the-mouth pork cutlet shaved from the rump of a toddler pig all pink, round and innocent? Kangaroo tail soup where only a joey’s li’l end bit will do?

Adorably tender baby dolphin?

I would imagine the last is very difficult to find at your local meatery but a lucky survivalist who calls himself the “Tarzan of LA” happened upon one washed up on Laguna Beach and let’s learn about this brave epicurean together. Let’s flip through our cookbooks at the same time, thinking about various sauces and sides.

Gary Golding, who has made several appearances on Discovery show Naked And Afraid, was on Laguna Beach recently when he happened upon the animal carcass.

Golding filmed himself kneeling down in the sand before whipping out a hunting knife and carving up the creature.

He can be seen slitting the animal’s stomach open and removing its heart before starting to hack the meat off its sides.

Moments later, Golding is shown grilling the meat and some of the organs on a portable barbecue.

‘Definitely gamey,’ he tells the camera, before dipping a piece of heart in what appears to be mustard and adding: ‘Probably not seasoned the best.’

Quickly, how would you have seasoned it? Did you find any recipes? Maybe a Baja-style creamy white fish taco sauce? Something more hearty?

Well, the general public was not happy about the video Mr. Golding posted to his Facebook.

“Very disturbing.”

“I hope you go to jail.”

“Rot in hell.”

“I wish someone would carve you up in the same way.”

Etc.

And, not to rain on a perfectly good outrage parade, but by the looks of him, I would imagine the “Tarzan of LA” to be even more gamey than angelic baby dolphin. Theoretically, though, what would be the best sauce?

A rich béarnaise?

A ragú with extra garlic?

Any “outside the box” ideas?

Watch here!