Breaking: Man found dead near famous Arizona wave pool; “surf rage” not ruled out as motive!

"Suspicious by nature."

Big Surf, in Tempe, Arizona, is where most surfers aged twenty and up got that very first taste of our thoroughly dystopian present. For it was at Big Surf that Rick Kane wiggled and jived his way to a surf competition victory, winning a belt buckle and enough money to change his destiny forever.

Surf competitions in a pool. Who could imagine such things? But there it was before our eyes. Today, of course, we have Surf Ranch, Wavegarden, BSR Cable Park, URBNSRF and possibly still Surf Lakes though no one has seen or heard from the Yeppoon facility in some time.

A very long time, now that I think about it, and someone should go do a welfare check to make sure Mark Occhilupo and Barton Lynch’s love child is still breathing.

Speaking of welfare checks, police in Tempe, Arizona just carried one out very near Big Surf and found a dead man inside an apartment. Per the local news:

Officers were called to the scene just after 4 a.m. when somebody who was concerned because they had not seen or heard from a friend in some time requested a welfare check.

According to Detective Greg Bacon of the Tempe Police Department, the address officers were given is a rented office space, and the door was open when they got there. They found the dead man inside.

Police have not officially identified the man, nor have they said how he died. Bacon said investigators are looking at surveillance cameras in the area, as well as talking to people who were in the area when officers arrived.

Bacon said the man’s death in “suspicious by nature.”

And I’ll solve this crime right now.

Surf rage.

Oh we were promised such a bright, brilliant future with these pools. Waves on demand. Waves conjured via button but if Surf Ranch has taught us anything it is that Kelly Slater has an evil master plan to descend humanity into madness. Never before have I seen such hungry eyes, such lust-filled eyes, as I did at surf journalist day in Lemoore, California.

An infinite resource made finite. Doled out like precious gems. Not enough. Never enough.

I’m not suggesting that Kelly pulled the trigger, or plunged the knife, there in Tempe but neither did Charles Manson there in Benedict Canyon.

Speaking of “plunged” though, Surf Lakes. Any news? Any updates?

More as the story develops.

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Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

Hey Guy, nice hairdo! Party in the back, but a little more than just business in the front. Maybe like 80’s electro pop lead singer in the front. With high class cocktail party in the back. Puts my standard mullet to shame. Nice to see you rocking the same hairstyle since you went to the Oasis wave pool when you were a kid. You are my hero.

Wayne Lunch
Wayne Lunch
6 years ago

Definitely a Val

Katherine
Katherine
6 years ago

now that I think about it, the outcome of this upcoming ultimate surfer series could be a lot like the north shore movie. I’ve never been more excited for a beautiful disaster to unfold

Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

Yep, that’s what I thought too. Because I went to the Palm Springs pool as a kid a few years before the movie came out and I recognized the pool. I also remembered how I got kicked out of the park by an overzealous lifeguard at the pool. Fucking dick. I didn’t get any refund or anything. At least I was there for 5 hours before I got the boot. I do remember skateboarding some huge flood drainage canals with really rough concrete nearby in Palm Desert. Probably 20 foot deep canals with 45 degree angle sides with sharp transitions.
Maybe some day I will go back?

OffRocker
OffRocker
6 years ago

Surf lakes were spruiking hard at the Global Wave Conference in GC. Methinks they are getting their plunger “just so” before putting any more video out. They didn’t seem as ….. desperate …. as the fella pushing the air /sand filled plastic sacks they couldn’t deploy in dead calm Bunbury waters. But they better get in the game soon – they did mention it would be good to get some “surf amenity for the crowded waves of southern Gold Coast”. Don’t know what that means. And yes can confirm – nick Carrol is a fair imitation of an Easter Island statue 🗿 .

Irony being Kirra was pumping the whole time people were sitting and talking. Or was it mother nature’s way of saying Thankyou to Surfrider foundation and sea trees and Parley X, and all the scientists who study the surf ecosystem and protect surf spots. I went there quite cynical and left inspired to be honest. Rabbit did a good speech at the end summing it up.

I went to watch waves from the rockwall, but ended up in snapper surfclub pretending to drink a beer to fit in with the wasted tradies all “sneaking Out for a nosey” rather obviously. Water was way to feral for me to get out sadly, otherwise I would have happily made a lame attempt to paddle out, get washed all the way down from snapper around greenmount to the rock wall, nearly die “catching” a close out on the inside shore break, get caught inside but still get sucked out around the rocks and end up half way to the little groyne down Kirra beach. That would be the best case scenario…. but I did get to watch a lot of sick waves with a stadium atmosphere, with some of the worlds best surfers dodging a thousand heads. Way better than the comp this year…..

OffRocker
OffRocker
6 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

I didn’t talk to the surflakes mob cuz I’m not “investor material”, and I’m not a journalist. Can’t offer any deeper analysis other than that they seemed to be trying to schmooze the big wigs.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

Good reporting.
Beats sharks and real estate

Brendan M. Wood
Brendan M. Wood
6 years ago

Hands down the stupidest title I’ve ever read.

ricmatic
ricmatic
6 years ago

No! There was a dumber one a couple weeks ago. Name escapes me.

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago

You should try reading more

Brendan M. Wood
Brendan M. Wood
6 years ago
Reply to  Billy Hunt

Damn! I must have hit respond to the wrong article. I didn’t even see this one. Apologies for that.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Officer Bacon? Really?

frank
frank
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

he was a natural for the job

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago

My guess is the guy was a kook in and out of the water and liked toblay the glassing on extra heavy.

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago

I hear the man was barely 4 foot 8 inches. Arizona is well known for cleansing their territory of surfing pygmies. So beware Nick Carroll, don’t go to Arizona.

Subantarctic Communist Sealion
Subantarctic Communist Sealion
6 years ago

Heightist pricks in AZ. Otherwize a very nice place.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
6 years ago

“Suspicious by Nature”
Sounds like a terrible surfboard shaper brand name from the ’80s (or current surf brand from Santa Cruz)…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

SSD
SSD
6 years ago

Ah yes, the shaper that sued the hip hop group of the same name, forcing them to go by Naughty by Nature after a lengthy court battle. Feel my flow?

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

It’s high time The Hurluley and KVF did a reb-bilious collab.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Not a great start!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Surflakes … sounds like the kind of breakfast cereal Hurluley would release …

Party Pete
Party Pete
6 years ago
Reply to  Billy Hunt

Sir flakes?

Anthony Arturo Leone
Anthony Arturo Leone
6 years ago

i know a few that got to have a crack at surflakes not to long ago. apparently everything is still on the up and up. the public is never going to get to ride that place though. its just a demo for the company to show to developers. people should just give the fuck up on the idea of asking about surfing that place for at least 5 years. Unless you have an in or are going their with someone who wants to build one and is serious about it you arent gonna get a crack at it.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Sounds like one of those places where you throw your money in the water and make a wish.

Anthony Arturo Leone
Anthony Arturo Leone
6 years ago

No one I know that has been there has had to pay.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Except the ones that paid for it

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

So what you are saying is that DEFINITELY what happened is:
This kid tried to sneak in for a session and the pool owners caught him and killed him to hush-up their secret shark drug spy blackmarket surf-wax operation???

delusionalme
delusionalme
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

…and pygmy smuggling

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago
Reply to  delusionalme

That’s just a small part of it.


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