Surfers make me SO MAD!

Thumb your nose at Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Hillary Clinton and all other “surf hating” Presidential hopefuls!

Youth(ish) Against Establishment!

It is President’s Day tomorrow in America, I suppose today in Australia if Australia was a truly free country untethered from London like those beautiful Sussexes. Brave, young, multi-racial, wealthy the whole entire world (Canada) filled with unknowable possibilities (various charities) but I digress.

Technically, President’s Day is George Washington’s Birthday but other Presidents, hungry for any spotlight they can claw have narcissisticly made it about themselves too.

All fine. The more the merrier, as they say, and since they say it, why not open up President’s Day to Presidential Hopefuls too, even surf hating ones like Mayor Pete Buttigieg and his best friend Hillary Clinton?

A wonderful idea and much easier for us to show our youth(ish) against establishment credentials by flipping a defiant (metaphorical) middle finger?

What is the very most rebellious thing to do?

Sucking on Ultra Hard Surf Candy right in their faces!

Right now, for 24(ish) hours every piece of BeachGrit clothing is on sale. Freak flags that strike fear into the hearts of Da Man.

Or what about a red, white and blue traction pad? Pretty much like stomping all over Da Man and his colors of oppression.

At these low, low prices whatever you decide won’t be wrong.

And there is free shipping worldwide.

You can flip a defiant (metaphorical) middle finger from anywhere the Sussexes might go (Toronto)!

Savage: Woman who had been told sea lions were gentle creatures bit through thigh by “aquatic pitbull” in Western Australia!

Bad days.

If it swims in the ocean it must not be trusted. This rule applies to “man-eating” sharks, to rapist dolphins, to sneaky stingrays, heartless jellyfish and crusty, grumpy, mean-spirited surfers. Jerky, rude, foul surfers.

Sea lions too.

And I’ve always been very wary of the aquatic pitbulls. They don’t look nice, that’s for certain, but a tourist in Western Australia felt differently after locals told her that region’s sea lions were gentle creatures.

Well, as one does in Western Australia, she went swimming in a pack of them with her friend. It was such a wonderful pleasure she returned and repeated the activity for a second day. Even better than the first and so back for a third when a savage beast turned on her and…

“…all of a sudden, all I saw was a sea lion in front of me, and when I turned my back, he bit me.

“It was on the back of my right leg, and straight away I could see he had drawn blood.”

The tourists didn’t think the animals were dangerous, or that a tour guide was needed to swim in the area.

Elena Precillia (pictured) with her attacker.
Elena Precillia (pictured) with her attacker.

“Locals had told us that the sea lions were friendly, and that many went there without a tour guide or anything like that,” she said.

“It was an amazing experience, as they liked to dance with us, playing and jumping out of the water.”

But when a sea lion decided to have a taste of the backpacker, she was in a state of shock.

“The pain was shock – I couldn’t really feel thanks to the adrenaline, but I couldn’t swim to get out of the water.”

Thankfully Ms. Precillia was with her friend who took her to a hospital which charged her nearly $5000 dollars because sea lions contain a rare bacteria in their mouths very bad for human beings.

The moral of this story?


Become a tuberiding queen in North Sumatra.

Gimme: Retire on vast beachfront estate in Sumatra with epic waves for $US295,000!

Say so long to the West and live out your days in tropical splendour.

You got a retirement plan?

You ever worked out how the harvest years are going to play out?

You going to be the old man who sits in the front room of his rendered brick townhouse in the heart of suburbia, an unresponsive wife ignoring your pawing at night, every dream you ever had so crushed you pray for the local teen hoodlums to break in and end your suffering with an iron bar?

A common retirement among the gung-ho, of course, is to take your First World money into the tropics, where your dollars buys palaces and endless indulgence.

It ain’t such a bad idea if you can take the suffocating heat and the feeling you’re just another in a long line of damn colonialists, spraying your cash, stomping over local culture, buggering the coolies etc.

Earlier today, I saw, and was rather taken by a beachfront site, with a development plan, on Simeulue Island, the next island up from Nias in North Sumatra.

The joint, which still has to be built, costs $US295,000, a number you’ll negotiate down by at least ten per cent, so let’s call it $US270,000.

It comes with five bungalows, an open air restaurant, a couple of beachfront gazebos, a boat, a van, a couple of scooters and enough land, or so they say, to build four or five more bungalows.

Your pretty open-air restaurant.

The only downside is it’ll only be sold as a land-and-building contract only, and must be sold to a private owner or syndicate.

Which means, you can’t run it as a commercial surf resort.

But who needs kooks and guests weeping about sunburn and the wind direction and too much and not enough swell when you’re the master of your little piece of surf heaven, anyway?

Less than three hundred gees for all this, can y’believe.


Important a few lovers of various stripes from Medan, bring your friends from the west and away you go,

Buy here. 

Mayor Pete, throwing a mock shaka. Divisive. Rude.
Mayor Pete, throwing a mock shaka. Divisive. Rude.

Nasty Turn: “Hated” surfers and other openly queer protestors kicked out of Democratic frontrunning candidate Mayor Pete Buttigieg’s San Francisco rally!

We're here. We surf. We're in your face!

But have you ever tried to surf San Francisco’s Ocean Beach? That stretch of sand and tired arms and swell line after swell line after swell line just hammering and hammering and hammering?

I haven’t but have stood in the parking lot there, alongside local and Maverick charger Taylor Paul, thinking, “How in the world do people do that? Put themselves on such a paddlewheel, multiple 100s of duck dives paddlewheel? For what? For why?”

So didn’t paddle out.

But God bless the San Francisco surfer. Bless her fortitude. Bless his pluck.

It is a proper hell out there and these same surfers, or at least some of them, presumably, tried to attend the caustic, surf hating rally of Democratic frontrunning candidate Mayor Pete Buttigieg’s San Francisco. Were they welcomed with open arms? Thanked for being personally progressive and also likely slamming their heads into Ocean Beach’s unrelenting negativism? An apt metaphor for current American politics if ever there was one.



And we must turn to the New York Post for more.

Two queer activists unhappy with Pete Buttigieg’s “middle of the road” politics were kicked out of his San Francisco fundraiser Friday after interrupting him on stage with shouted questions, a report said.

The protesters peppered Buttigieg with questions at San Francisco’s National LGBTQ Center for the Arts, immediately drawing boos from supporters of the former South Bend, Indiana mayor, according to The Guardian.

“I respect your activism, but this is a gathering for supporters of our campaign and I just got a question about my husband and I’m really excited to answer it,” Buttigieg said in response to the activists, the report said.

After the event, a Buttigieg supporter confronted the activists.

“You’re homophobes, that’s what you all are, you’re homophobes!” the supporter yelled.

“We’re all gay!” a protester responded.

And we are.

Truly are. Surfers and Mayor Pete must not, should not forget that however much he hates us and Hillary Clinton hates us that we will not be silenced.

Is this our political moment?


More as the story develops.

Hollywood funnyman and brave VAL pioneer Jonah Hill on surfing: “Damn, at 35 you can start doing shit you’ve always wanted to do!”

A Surfing Life.

It’s impossible not to love Jonah Hill. The actor, a very funny man, first popped onto my horizon starring alongside Martin Starr, Seth Rogan, Michael Cerra etc. in Superbad. From there it was Moneyball, 21 Jump Street, The Wolf of Wallstreet, on and on.

The only dog, maybe, was Get Him to the Greek alongside Russell Brand but I only say such critical things because I watched it on an airplane and was possibly not in the right mood.

In any case, six shorts months ago Jonah Hill faced his fears and went surfing. Via Instagram he declared:

Been terrified to surf my whole life . Totally random fear and at the same time always been a secret dream of mine. Turned out to be one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had. Not only was it so fun and challenging but more so I’m like “damn, at 35 you can start doing shit you’ve always wanted to do.” Thanks @patmillin and Franco for taking me and @88surfboards.

Well, if you believe you can achieve and Jonah Hill just went out and slayed Malibu.

Don’t believe?

Per celebrities-in-the-wild website TMZ;

Jonah hit the sand with his surfboard just before 10 AM Friday near the famous Gladstones restaurant in Malibu.

Pretty impressive … considering the waves there can be pretty intense.


Click here for many pictures of where six months of training can take a purpose-driven VAL.

But, quickly, does it surprise you that James Franco (above) rides a wax-free Tomo much taller than he?

It does me for some reason but should it?