We are under attack.

It is political season, in America, the most delicious time of four years when mayors pick themselves up by the loafer laces, stare hard in the mirror, shout at their husbands to give them “One more damned minute, Chasten” and will greatness.

“I’m what the greatest nation the world has ever produced needs. Time to run for president. Time to run for president. Time to run for president.”

The most delectable time of four years except this four years American surfers are very much in the crosshairs. Very much “grist for the mill.”

Four years ago, Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton lost in shocking fashion to the world’s richest man Donald J. Trump and blamed the vicious defeat on surfers, waging a quiet campaign to disparage and destroy our vile kind since.

We had (have?) a candidate. A Hawaiian who rips cold New England and understands (?) both Jed Smith and Vaughn Dead.

The Clinton Machine tagged her with a “Russian Asset” label and left her for dead.

And now in just revealed evidence, the  face of the Clinton Machine, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, is continuing the feud by hating “The Jack Johnson of South Africa” Dave Matthews.

Stunning but true.

A post pulled from Buttigieg’s Harvard days disparages Matthews’ “dark turn” in the early 2000s and shall we read?

Difficult but we must.

“This week, I picked up a new album by Dave Matthews, a prophet of the carfree joy of my high school years. But unlike the cheerful strains of the late-nineties-Dave, the solo project Some Devil is a sober, even grim reflection of how much the world has changed in a few short years. The man who brought us the playful riffs of “Too Much” and “Everyday” is now promoting the album’s first single “Gravedigger.” Matthews is not the only one undergoing a tonal shift: if you’ve paid attention to Radiohead this year…”

And it is too painful for me to continue as Radiohead’s Thom Yorke is also a rabid surfer, even though a British man with a very lazy eye. Also one of us.

Damn you, #MayorCheat. Damn you for hating us surfers in the day and age of tolerance. We will not stand for this.

Will we?

More as the story develops.

“Our main focus is to get more Queenslanders more active, more often through the sport of surfing.”

In an appalling, unprecedented and unprovoked attack, Queensland Australia’s state government has declared war on its local surfing population. Officials and community leaders are gathered days ago for the sixth biennial Global Wave Conference in order to implement a partnership between Queensland Government and Surfing Queensland that will likely “aggravate and annoy” surfers from Mick Fanning’s Gold Coast to Julian Wilson’s Sunshine Coast and never has a specific group been so brutally targeted for destruction in Australia’s proud history.

Per the press release dripping with malice and indignity:

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk announced the partnership at the Gold Coast World Surfing Reserve, stating that the “Government fought to protect this part of the Gold Coast for surfers and ocean lovers, and WE WANT MORE PEOPLE to take part in surfing at all levels from recreation to elite.

“So supporting people who face barriers into surfing makes sense right now.”.

With more than 350,000 surfers in the state, Queensland Minister for Sport Mick de Brenni said the partnership would encourage more people to take part in surfing, regardless of their age, gender, background, ability or location, commenting “this partnership delivers diversity and inclusion programs for recreational, club and surf school participants that will allow individuals to overcome barriers to participation, including targeted programs for people with a disability, women and girls, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people and other under-represented groups.

Surfing Queensland Chief Executive, Adam Yates said he is thrilled to see the new partnership come to fruition, noting “we are incredibly proud that surfing is one of six sports identified to create a meaningful impact with this strategy.

“We firmly believe that surfing promotes a healthy lifestyle and can improve the quality of life for all Queenslanders.

“This new partnership will strengthen our delivery network, making surfing more accessible for all Queenslanders – whether you are five years old or 50.

“Our main focus is to get more Queenslanders more active, more often through the sport of surfing.”

New South Wales is already rumored to have closed its borders with Queensland and all flights from Coolangatta’s airport to Melbourne and Perth have been cancelled.

BeachGrit will continue to monitor the situation from its Cardiff-by-the-Sea desk and plans to up reports of shark attacks in and around Queensland as well as stingray attacks, jellyfish attacks and broken bottle attacks, the broken bottles being held by disgruntled and stupid surfers.

More as the story develops.