Is the end nigh?

There is, likely, no surfer in our universe as iconic as “Mr. Pipeline” Gerry Lopez. No? You disagree? Well, I would say that you have surf goggles covering your eyes and are not seeing things correctly. Lopez’s mark is everywhere, from our favorite wave to our favorite movie, and now his mark is inside big box discount retailer Costco, partially covering the “stringer” of a Gerry Lopez signature model sotftop surfboard.

When I became aware of this truth, late last night via secret message to Derek Rielly then forwarded to moi, it surprised. I assumed the Gerry Lopez model was part of the Wavestorm line. As you know, the ubiquitous VAL steed is produced in environmentally dubious Chinese factories very near even more dubious Chinese factories producing exotic new diseases. As you also know, Gerry Lopez is a Patagonia brand ambassador. Very ecological etc. and I was having trouble synching his involvement with Wavestorm.

Well, as you continue to know, I am a surf journalist of rarely seen integrity and before writing the title “Seventh Seal: “Mr. Pipeline Gerry Lopez releases signature Wavestorm softtop surfboard at Costco!” first Googled “Gerry Lopez Wavestorm” and discovered a treasure trove of information on the discussion website Reddit.

Let’s read.

Went to Costco to get a wavestorm (reserve your judgements, they’re great for what they are) and was surprised to see only 8’ white soft tops bearing Gerry Lopez’s surfboard logo and his face in the packaging. That was weird on a couple levels. This board has a fake stringer painted onto it. Fins are removable/different from wavestorm’s. Felt slightly heavier than a wavestorm too. As someone who already feels a little conflicted purchasing a surfboard from Costco, I couldn’t stomach buying one of these.

Anyone know what’s up? Are wavestorms a thing of the past? Anyone surf one of these Gerry Lopez soft tips? Do they surf differently than a wavestorm? I’ve got a pink fin that I put on my old wavestorm and it made the thing surprisingly fun/able to hold in steeper waves. Don’t think it would work in the new one….

The comments were mostly sad about how Gerry Lopez did naughty, collaborating with the devil etc. UNTIL…

Yes, that’s our board!! California Board Company. We’re out of Vista CA and have been making soft surfboards since Scott Burke was making BZ softops back in the 1980’s. Gerry felt it was time to put his name on a softie – he’s a legend as you know, and he hooked up with us for 2020 to compete with WaveStorm. We chose to do fin boxes instead of the screw/plug version. Gerry shaped the blank, Scott made it a foam board and our business partners at the factory did the rest. We’d love to hear your feedback!

I immediately gumshoed straight over to California Board Company’s website and smashed the “View Surfboard” button many times but apparently it is broken. Still, much good surf journalism, no? You disagree? I would ask that you please remove your surf goggles and take another look.

But quickly, any opinions? It seems as if Lopez’s board may sell for $400 while that Wavestorm is a cool $99.

I think California Board Company might make “The Sushi.” You know, that foam board that looks like sushi?

Much good surf journalism.

Get laid tonight!

I don’t have many occasions to feel good about my surfing ability. I know who I am, what I am, not that it robs any pleasure, any joy,  I feel at bogging a roundhouse cutback. At doing a “floater” going “backside.”

Zero disillusionment. Full transparency. Still, pure joy.

And today that joy was enhanced by the realization that I likely surf* better than the great Laird Hamilton.

You do too, since you surf* better than me.

And let me explain.

Laird Hamilton is the name that pops into every fringe-surfer, non-surfer’s mind when they hear the word “surf”, no?

The Maui now Malibu legend cemented his position in the VAL and/or VAL-adjacent hierarchy decades ago.

He is who your grandma thinks about when she thinks about a “surfer.”

He is who hangs on the World Surf League’s new CEO and Lord Commander’s office wall.

He is a saint.

And you surf* better.

I surf* better.

Don’t believe?

When was the last time you saw Laird Hamilton paddle himself into a wave on any respectable surf craft?

30 years ago?

Never?

That’s right. Laird is perpetual Waterperson of the Year (apologies to Dirk Ziff), inventor of modern day SUPping, hydrofoil, strapped tow-in master but…

…if the ice bath frozen cro-magnon paddled out to your lineup, with his own arms, on a surfboard*, you’d smash him.

No?

He hasn’t put his toes in that sorta wax in forever. Since losing to Rick Kane.

For sure. He only does weird surfing shit plus longboarding. He’d have no idea how to even pump down a straight line.

No?

Listen and then tell me how we wouldn’t smash that cro-magnon in a surf-off.

*surf, surfboard, surfing all refer to the real stuff. Some sort of shortboard paddled with arms.

Also, if you listen to podcast I say Justin Timberlake and Jessica Beal were at Sugarfish. In real life it was Brian Austin Green and Meghan Fox but you can certainly understand my confusion.

"An amazing human being!"

Remember when, last week or maybe two weeks ago, once proud Hurley’s corpse was being paraded through the streets mourned so woefully? Non-surfing east coast interlopers swinging in, cutting the brand into pieces and licensing those pieces out. A beard oil line launched. Employees fired in droves. Team riders disappeared each and every one. John John Florence walking away from, allegedly, millions of dollars in disgust. Stab magazine’s Ashton “Bilbo” Goggans, spilling every ounce of ink, declaring it the “story of the decade.”

Hurt, rage, sadness.

Well, today the very famous Carissa Moore “extended her partnership” with the new owners and let’s press release together.

The Hurley Brand (“Hurley”) is proud to announce it has extended its multi-year partnership with Olympian and 4X World Champion surfer, Carissa Moore.

A prodigious talent, Carissa Moore has been a massive presence in competitive surfing since the moment she put on a jersey, racking up eleven national titles in her amateur career before arriving on the World Championship Tour in 2010, winning World Titles in 2011, 2013, 2015 and 2019. Following her storied 2019 season, Carissa qualified for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, where she will go for the gold as part of Team USA.

“Carissa is an amazing human being, in and out of the water. We couldn’t be more excited to have her continue to partner with us and we can’t wait to see what she accomplishes in Tokyo and beyond,” said Brandon Guilmette, Chief Marketing Officer at Hurley.

With a larger focus being placed on the Hurley Women’s business, and exciting new partnerships with Hybrid Apparel for sportswear and InMocean for swim, Carissa will be the center of this evolving division for Hurley.

“I’m excited to be extending my partnership with Hurley. There has been a lot of change recently but I’m optimistic about the future and opportunity for growth. Hurley’s innovation has helped me perform my best in and out of the water. I am looking forward to contributing to the design process with the team for 2020 and beyond,” said the 4X World Champion, Carissa Moore.

This signing on the heels “quiet negotiations” to bring back some of the once-greatest surf team ever assembled amid “furious backlash” according to BeachGrit’s own Derek Rielly, stealing the “story of the decade” from poor Ashton Goggans while the boy had his lovely, soft eyes on the buffet bar, wondering how high prime rib can be stacked and wondering how many succulent ribs can fit alongside.

Now, in light of… all things, will these newly resigned surfers be hailed as financially prudent heroes unbent by the cries of a flimsy public or scabs crossing a picket line?

Moore as the story develops.