"An amazing human being!"
Remember when, last week or maybe two weeks ago, once proud Hurley’s corpse was being paraded through the streets mourned so woefully? Non-surfing east coast interlopers swinging in, cutting the brand into pieces and licensing those pieces out. A beard oil line launched. Employees fired in droves. Team riders disappeared each and every one. John John Florence walking away from, allegedly, millions of dollars in disgust. Stab magazine’s Ashton “Bilbo” Goggans, spilling every ounce of ink, declaring it the “story of the decade.”
Hurt, rage, sadness.
Well, today the very famous Carissa Moore “extended her partnership” with the new owners and let’s press release together.
The Hurley Brand (“Hurley”) is proud to announce it has extended its multi-year partnership with Olympian and 4X World Champion surfer, Carissa Moore.
A prodigious talent, Carissa Moore has been a massive presence in competitive surfing since the moment she put on a jersey, racking up eleven national titles in her amateur career before arriving on the World Championship Tour in 2010, winning World Titles in 2011, 2013, 2015 and 2019. Following her storied 2019 season, Carissa qualified for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, where she will go for the gold as part of Team USA.
“Carissa is an amazing human being, in and out of the water. We couldn’t be more excited to have her continue to partner with us and we can’t wait to see what she accomplishes in Tokyo and beyond,” said Brandon Guilmette, Chief Marketing Officer at Hurley.
With a larger focus being placed on the Hurley Women’s business, and exciting new partnerships with Hybrid Apparel for sportswear and InMocean for swim, Carissa will be the center of this evolving division for Hurley.
“I’m excited to be extending my partnership with Hurley. There has been a lot of change recently but I’m optimistic about the future and opportunity for growth. Hurley’s innovation has helped me perform my best in and out of the water. I am looking forward to contributing to the design process with the team for 2020 and beyond,” said the 4X World Champion, Carissa Moore.
This signing on the heels “quiet negotiations” to bring back some of the once-greatest surf team ever assembled amid “furious backlash” according to BeachGrit’s own Derek Rielly, stealing the “story of the decade” from poor Ashton Goggans while the boy had his lovely, soft eyes on the buffet bar, wondering how high prime rib can be stacked and wondering how many succulent ribs can fit alongside.
Now, in light of… all things, will these newly resigned surfers be hailed as financially prudent heroes unbent by the cries of a flimsy public or scabs crossing a picket line?
Moore as the story develops.
That reads like a marketing blurb from Need Essentials.
“very famous” her instagram is 80% middle eastern bots.
Is this a true statement? If so, very interesting.
The best restaurant in San Francisco is the House of Prime Rib. About a million years old, grease oozing and sweating down the dark walls. High, red leather-backed booths. Stong martinis, cheap. One order nets you two martinis, they plop the shaker down on the table and let you have at it.
The menu is small: prime rib. The only choices are sides. Big baked potato, creamed spinach, yorkshire pudding is the way to go.
After the big, comically prepared salad course is finished (seasoned salt, canned beets, iceberg lettuce, and French dressing and it’s fab, a huge bowl spinning in a bed of ice to chill), they wheel a giant metal airship over to the table containing nearly a side of beef and begin slicing great hunks of prime rib from the bone. The chef sweating, the meat sweating.
Then you eat.
Only a fool touches the baked potato. Maybe one bite. Save the rest for your hungover morning that’s sure to come because you’ve ordered a second (fourth) martini. The best part is that if you finish the meat, they offer you seconds. Seconds. In a restaurant. Not a buffet, but, “Sir, would you care for another slice of prime rib?” Yes, yes I would.
I’m 6’2 x 160 pounds. I can put away a king’s cut, seconds, all the sides but the potato, couple martinis, and dessert. One’s love of prime rib has little to do with the size of their (31) waist.
I’m famished.
so much sex in this comment.
Fuck, sex is nearly — nearly — impossible after a meal like that.
speak for yourself
That sounds like heaven
So good
I want to go to there.
That you Tony?
Sounds great. I’m 6’1″ x 210 pounds with size 34 waist but I’d smash the potato as well.
I personally love the prime rib at Izzy’s steakhouse.
She’s perfect for the new Hurley (albeit no beard to speak of, but still). She’s safe, kid friendly and perfectly marketable for the Target shopper. Plus. you can guarantee this was agreed to at a reduced rate – she’s on hiatus for the year and unlikely to be picked up by another major brand. Probably a win for both parties.
The Champ taking a cut; I doubt that. Plus they have a surplus to spend now.
If you’re skilled in the buffet arts as Ashton undoubtably is, you could probably stack your prime rib three times the diameter of your plate?
Based on the (relative) success of “Stab in The Dark”, they could do a “Prime Rib in The Dark” where it’s just Ashton blind taste testing different prime ribs. Could be their pivot to the lucrative food culture content.
An idea whose time has come!
It’s right in line with the Balter boys preparing to make another fortune out of dog food.
Nick knows whats up.
his brother’s BAC.
you stink of jealousy
Envy
This has got legs. I can see this.
Mr Musubi eats …. Hawaii !
Roundy rolls into Bells Bakery !
Pasta, pasta and more pasta !
Sign me up for that!
“Chas Smith is an amazing human being.” You have two options of hearing this, Chas:
1) from Derek, when he renews your contract; or
2) from Ashton in 30 years when the dust has finally settled.
Which do you pick, and moreso, would you believe either of them?
^^^^^
Hahaha…
gotta say that i’m a Chas fan too!
Chas is a fabulous ‘regurgitator’,
dude readz a story else~where, types out some drivel, + ta~da!
Another bitchin’ Beach Grit article!
I too hope they re~new his contract,
+ he makes himself/ Fam a livin’ wage,
what with B/G’s recently soarin’ click #’s.
For real…
And now shall we listen together, “quotidian quote inserted here” Let’s let the source tell us directly, (after I hyperbolically commandeered the “bi-line” in order to deceive you into reading the trite propaganda and then made up a faked offense, I demand you become incensed over…)
Ash! I don’t need Derek to tell me with his words…
“Will these newly resigned surfers be hailed as financially prudent heroes unbent by the cries of a flimsy public or scabs crossing a picket line?”
Public perception won’t change for the resigned surfers. In fact, the only surfer to formally resign was Permed Ramen Noodle Head, throwing away a bunch of money, like real time dollars. The dregs were fired, and no one really cared about them anyway. Now the RE-signed surfers will also not take a public relations hit. NO. ONE. CARES. It makes me almost feel bad for Barbeque Bilbo, looks like he’s going to have to stick with pumping out recycled Beach Grit articles no one engages with.
As a student… I learned that the correct term is “re-signed”. In regards to hiring, firing and work opportunities…”Resigned” is the absolute antonym of “Re-Signed”.
Probably a pretty cheap pick up for Hurley because if we are being honest and this is not to criticise Carissa but compared to her contemporaries she’s not selling much product, world title or not.
what product?
neoprene tampons
ha!
Who do you consider her “contemporaries”?