The gorgeous Coachella Valley, soon home to surf country club and 18-million gallon wavepool. | Photo: The Desert Sun

New Kelly Slater wavepool in Coachella Valley will be a “revolutionary new way to live and travel” and will “focus on sustainability’!

It's a greenwash!

As reported, yesterday, and with its teat still being squeezed today, Kelly Slater has joined hands with resort developers to build a twenty-acre tank in the Coachella Valley, near Frankie Sinatra and Elvis’ old hang-out Palm Springs and home to a sort of retirement music festival with acts twenty-years beyond their peak.

“The largest, rideable open-barrel, human-made wave in the world,” according to promotional literature.

And Slater’s pool is only one of three being built.

Three pools, different techs, different angles, different pro surfer touts etc.

Read, here, here, here and here.

(Kelly Slater was made sad by coverage and sent DM to BeachGrit that read, “You guys love nothing more than clickbait.”)

The area’s newspaper, The Desert Sun, has paid particular attention to the Slater country club which is going to be built, approvals pending, between 58th Avenue and Avenue 60 and across from Andalusia, in La Quinta.

A quote that I enjoyed very much from the story comes from Noah Hahn, a partner at the resort developer Meriwether Cos.

“Kelly Slater and the WSL are … the perfect partners to feature as we create a revolutionary new way to live and travel.”

According to The Desert Sun, the resort, called Coral Mountain, “the ethos of the community is designed to revolve around the raw natural setting with a focus on sustainability.”

The pool will require 18-million gallons of water, significantly less, says the developer, than the 18-hole golf course that was previously approved for the site.

Revolutionary? Sustainable?

Let’s do a fun little math exercise.

What’s the rainfall in the Coachella Valley?

Two-and-a-half inches or sixty-seven mm?

18,000,000 gallons fills the pool.

One gallon of water = 231 cubic inches.

Multiply that by eighteen-million and y’get…

A little over four billion inches.

Divide by the yearly rainfall and…

If the pool was filled by rain (sustainable!), it would take one-point-six billion years to fill it.

Even eco-paradises need a little help from man, yes?

Kelly Slater: “I’m personally excited to create a new wave that will be a stand alone design that nowhere else in the world has!”

Back to the drawing board!

If there is one thing that the world’s biggest surf adjacent website does better than any, it’s kicking a dead horse. Kick, kick, kick. And yesterday’s announcement by famous surfer and noted philanthropist* Kelly Slater is laying there, bloated in the desert. And there I stand so happy, so overjoyed, kick, kick, kicking.

The angles covered thus far: Kelly Slater is building a wave tank that features homes, a hotel and multiple dining venues. Kalani Robb and Cheyne Mag announced theirs a year ago in the already existing Wet n Wild. The Hobgoods, Josh Kerr and Shane Beschen announced a new Wavegarden months ago. CJ Hobgood taunted Kelly.

The angles yet to cover: Dirk Ziff’s relationship with Michael B. Schwab and various levels of jealousy as to who is better friends with Kelly Slater, how Shane Beschen got the invite into the Hobgood x Kerr duo, what sort of food will be served at Kelly Slater’s “multiple dining venues,” how the flood of surfers will mesh with Palm Spring’s exiting lesbian community, pricing, Kelly Slater’s teased “new wave, stand alone design, seen nowhere in the world.”


Can we unpack** that last one?

Let’s read the entire quote, in full, once again, paying attention to each and every word.

“We’re excited to make another KSWaveCo design and I’m personally excited to create a new wave that will be a stand alone design that nowhere else in the world has. This can become the blueprint for new developments around waves and surf parks going forward and is in line with some of my original ideas from when we started this project.”



Surf Ranch, there in Lemoore, was built as a test facility, no? The probable future. Does the fact that Kelly Slater and co. are designing a new wave, a stand alone design, nowhere else in the world, “in line” with some of his “original ideas” strike you as wild?

Famous commenter and noted champion of disabled surfers Negatron mentioned in yesterday’s discussion “No way it’ll be a train running down a straight line.”

But what will it be?

What can it be?

And does this whole thing mean that Surf Ranch was a failure?

Or was Surf Ranch a red herring?

Will the Webber Wave Pool finally be unveiled except with the name “Webber” scribbled out and “Kelly Slater” written over top?


* It is unknown if Kelly Slater has ever given money to charity.

** Do you like when “unpack” is used in this context?

Like Waimea!
Like Waimea!

Johnny Get Your Gun: North America’s Great Lakes to see “towering waves of up to 20 feet” according to CNN meteorologists!

A "green light" for the Big Wave Invitational presented by Husqvarna.

And while we have all had our eyes pointed towards California’s desert, where the world’s most famous surfer and noted environmentalist, Kelly Slater, just declared war on one-time friend Kalani Robb and one-time neighbors CJ and Damien Hobgood, climate change has descended upon North America’s Great Lakes which just received a “green light” for its inaugural Big Wave Invitational presented by Husqvarna.

Unbelievable but true and let’s quickly turn to CNN and its lauded meteorologists for the latest.

"Calling Ben Gravy."
“Calling Ben Gravy.”

Towering waves are forming Thursday on the Great Lakes, with swells that could reach 20 feet, CNN meteorologists said.

Huge waves already have been spotted over southern Lake Michigan, following a mass of cold air that pushed a north wind over the region, CNN meteorologist Michael Guy said.
Lake Ontario could get waves of up to 20 feet near its center, Guy said. Waves as tall as 10 feet could form on Lakes Huron and Erie, peaking on their southern shores.
More than 2 million people south of Lakes Michigan, Erie and Ontario are under lakeshore flood warnings Thursday, CNN meteorologist Dave Hennen said.

Imagine. 20 foot waves, towering 20 foot waves even, in those bodies of freshwater straddling Canada and The United States. 20 foot waves. Kelly Slater struggles to get a wave over 4 feet in his body of freshwater and could it be that God has built a better wave tank than the greatest surfer of all time?

Let’s not let our minds wander there. Let’s force them, instead, to wander over to Ben Gravy. The famous YouTuber and noted novelty wave pioneer has to be there, no? Has to be waxing his gun even as I type these words. There are absolutely zero critiques of Gravy’s ability etc. but if there was one it would be that he enjoys very little waves and can only ride very little waves.

A 20 foot novelty wave?

If Ben Gravy had one critic that one critic would bury his head in shame at the sight of the longer hair’d boy carving down a monster.

Don’t you agree?

More as the story develops.

World Champs prepare for desert wavepool wars: “Welcome to the party Mr Slater, we’ve been expecting you!”

Three wavepools side-by-side in the Californian desert. A miracle of human ingenuity and ability to triumph over the natural world, yes?

Who would’ve thought that one day a wavepool war would erupt in a fashionable resort town with more same sex couples than any other community in the USA and the largest concentration of modernist architecture in the world, one hundred miles inland from Los Angeles?

And the kicker is the joint don’t got water?

Heady days.

In January last year, it was reported, here, that the Maui surfer Cheyne Magnusson, who has hair like a spitfire and singlehandedly altered the course of aerial surfing at BSR cable park in Waco, had been signed to design and set-up a pool at the old Wet ‘n’ Wild site in Palm Springs, California.

Six month later, the terrifying ménage à trois of Clifton and Damien Hobgood and Josh Kerr simultaneously announced they’d been signed up to sell a new wave tank which is being installed at the Desert Willow Golf Resort, also in Palm Springs.

Two hotels and between 40 and 88 villas, which you can buy, as well as a Wavegarden Cove, and all under the handle DSRT Surf.

Today,  y’heard about Kelly Slater’s proposed joint, a two-hundred million dollar development with a hotel and a six-hundred homes and, according to the LA Times, “In addition to the 18-million-gallon surf basin, the features might include a network of ponds that hotel guests and residents could navigate on stand-up slow-moving paddle boards or decidedly faster electric hydrofoil boards that lift riders out of the water.”

Can all three pools survive?



Wanna take some bets?

Peer into the future. It’s 2030.

Who still stands?

Who wins?

Geaux to Hell: 2000 lbs Great White shark moves into Louisiana’s coastal waters, stalking state’s “Cajun spiced” but wave-starved surfers!


As if Louisiana’s surfers did not have it bad enough. As if there were not enough troubles and travails in their lives already. First, a whole mess of northerners discovered their Popeye’s chicken sandwiches and gobbled them all up, leaving none for the Cajuns. Then a study came out that declared the state the worst place to live in the entire union. And now a 2000 lbs, fifteen-foot Great White shark has made her way very near the coast, starving for Pontchartrain wave sliders and at the very beginning of Lent, no less, when those Pontchartrain wave sliders are starving for meat, along with waves, themselves.

Very rude.

Very thoughtless and intolerant but let’s go straight to the local news for more as is both our duty and right.

“Wow look where white shark Unama’ki is! She has moved west of the Mississippi River in the Gulf of Mexico,” OCEARCH tweeted Tuesday. “It’s the first time we’ve tracked a white shark to this area off the coast of Louisiana.”

When Unama’ki pinged south of New Orleans on Fat Tuesday, they joked that she wanted to join the Mardi Gras celebration.

Join the Mardi Gras celebration by snacking on surfers, getting all wasted on surfer blood, throwing surfer metatarsals like beads to randy women showing off their breasts.

Extremely intolerant.

Many in the “scientific community” are excited by the arrival of Unama’ki, declaring that her presence suggests that the Gulf of Mexico near Louisiana is crawling with delicious seafoods. Healthy etc. but we all know the Great White’s favorite treat is surfer feet.

We know to stay out of the water for at least three, maybe four, weeks and spend that time hunting Popeye’s chicken sandwiches. Have you tried? Delicious? Delicious to humans like surfer feet are to Great Whites?

More as the story develops.