Geaux to Hell: 2000 lbs Great White shark moves into Louisiana’s coastal waters, stalking state’s “Cajun spiced” but wave-starved surfers!

Intolerance.

As if Louisiana’s surfers did not have it bad enough. As if there were not enough troubles and travails in their lives already. First, a whole mess of northerners discovered their Popeye’s chicken sandwiches and gobbled them all up, leaving none for the Cajuns. Then a study came out that declared the state the worst place to live in the entire union. And now a 2000 lbs, fifteen-foot Great White shark has made her way very near the coast, starving for Pontchartrain wave sliders and at the very beginning of Lent, no less, when those Pontchartrain wave sliders are starving for meat, along with waves, themselves.

Very rude.

Very thoughtless and intolerant but let’s go straight to the local news for more as is both our duty and right.

“Wow look where white shark Unama’ki is! She has moved west of the Mississippi River in the Gulf of Mexico,” OCEARCH tweeted Tuesday. “It’s the first time we’ve tracked a white shark to this area off the coast of Louisiana.”

When Unama’ki pinged south of New Orleans on Fat Tuesday, they joked that she wanted to join the Mardi Gras celebration.

Join the Mardi Gras celebration by snacking on surfers, getting all wasted on surfer blood, throwing surfer metatarsals like beads to randy women showing off their breasts.

Extremely intolerant.

Many in the “scientific community” are excited by the arrival of Unama’ki, declaring that her presence suggests that the Gulf of Mexico near Louisiana is crawling with delicious seafoods. Healthy etc. but we all know the Great White’s favorite treat is surfer feet.

We know to stay out of the water for at least three, maybe four, weeks and spend that time hunting Popeye’s chicken sandwiches. Have you tried? Delicious? Delicious to humans like surfer feet are to Great Whites?

More as the story develops.