Four functional mushrooms.
And I don’t have to tell you that we are living in extremely uncertain times. Oil at less than zero dollars a barrel as Saudi Arabia makes a power move, flooding the market and daring a petrodollar collapse, a disease that cruelly targets clinically obese people with diabetes and bad hearts, a professional surfing world tour viable no more.
Well, at least Laird Hamilton is there, eating the rubble of our recent past like Cheerios in oat milk. Toasting the downfall with bitter black coffee made sweet with his signature creamer.
For nothing, neither apocalypse nor plague nor drought nor Saudi intransigence can keep the world’s most popular SUP pilot down and in an reeling economy our hero just pocketed $10 million dollars for that signature creamer.
Shall we turn to the food and beverage industry journal for more?
US plant-based superfood producer Laird Superfood has secured $10 million in a financing round, funded entirely by Danone Manifesto Ventures (DMV).
Since its launch in 2015, Laird Superfood has reportedly recorded its strongest quarter to date and has witnessed growth in its products and with its retail partners.
The company recently expanded its Superfood Creamer line – its ‘signature product’ – with a creamer which combines the original product with four functional mushrooms.
Laird Superfood plans to use the capital to continue to grow its current platform, develop new offerings and expand its manufacturing campus in Sisters, Oregon.
CEO of Danone Manifesto Ventures, Laurent Marcel, said: “We are confident that Laird Superfood’s commitment to a healthy lifestyle and the quality of their functional products and ingredients will continue to appeal to consumers and retailers.
“Laird Superfood is a powerful brand with a unique story, and we are excited about our ability to seal this partnership, particularly in the current global environment. We believe it will result in future success with a foundation of mutual trust and shared values.”
Fantastic. But doesn’t it give you great hope that, no matter what else, no matter how bleak things appear, Laird?
And, quickly, what are the odds that current World Surf League CEO goes and works for Laird Superfood in Sisters, Oregon once the dust settles?
Though lastly, are any of those four functional mushrooms the psychedelic sort? If no, is there room in the plant-based coffee creamer space for BeachGrit it develop its own product?
More as the story develops.
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Has this story developed yet (if at all)?
What the fuck is “creamer”??
This guy? Mike Danone?
He had the plan with chicks.
Is he good with money?
And Laird’s Superfoods are sold in Whole Foods, and that is a license to steal right there.
Are they in CostCo yet?
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Oh and Laird is suring switchfoot on the cover of those SuperFoods packages.
Has laird every had a real job in his life? Selling coffeemate now, will it help my foiling? Will my dick get bigger? Will it make me a total cunt? If so I,m in! Laird me.
Going by the label, it will make you a better switchfoot.
And no, if you are smart and talented and handsome and progressive land well-mannered like Laird, you don’t have to have a normal job.
You should try it – in the next life.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I will keep that in mind thanks queerlander. Anything with a picture of someone riding a sup on it should sell heaps I reckon, Good luck with that one. Even better luck for the french yoghurt crowd, they should kill it with sales ! Its a pity that it doesnt matter how good he surfs and what amazing stuff he has done over the years as soon as the mouth is open Laird comes over as a fuckwit. Something to be said for keeping your mouth shut (especially with a whiney American accent). But what else would an old pro surfer do I guess? Be a rep or try and sell some shit somehow.
I like the way they put Laird so big at the top of the pack so i can easily avoid them at the supermarket.
I miss the days when Laird toe’d the line, even towed the line of surfing.
Oregon really needed more famous Hawaiians shitting up the place, two wasn’t enough.
CEO of Danone Manifesto Ventures, Laurent Marcel – Sounds like a fucken Bond villain patting a cat
and contemplating world domination. A manifesto rooted in Laird’s creaminess for everyone’s face.
I’m afraid to look! If Chas was more concerned with journalism than just writing, he would have included photos of the products themselves and the ingredients. Needless to say, LairdShit is to food what Outerknown is to clothing: bland and WAY overpriced.
It’s a crime that Laird Lard isn’t a thing.
This superfood/creamer talk is so far off my radar that I imagine it to be little liquid filled single use packets that NASA Astronauts use in space.
I’m to scared to google it.
Can someone fill me in?
Whatever the reason, your mistrust is instinctually correct. No sensible person would ingest any food product with Laird’s name on it, without at least reading the ingredient list, and even then, with great caution.
Define ‘superfood’.
If the computer doesn’t recognise it as a word, then it’s not a huge leap to suggest it is made up in the world of corporate marketing and shouldn’t be trusted.
Food, just 90% more super!
My petrol is super.
It’s quantified.
So, you’re saying Laird’s food is super because it’s 97 octanes?
No just that super is… Super!
It’s where every legitimate human eventually arrives. Some sooner than others. As stated in Airplane… “I like my coffee black.”
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?*
*Derek Rielly changing in beachside carparks excluded.
Ha!
“I like my coffee as I like my women: strong, black, and bitter”.
Sal just made another video about you.. he’s disappointed and doesn’t know surfing anymore.
A flight attendant on Qantas said I revealed my American-ness by ordering black coffee (in my American accent, of course).
Where can I buy one of those supersize Laird mugs so I can take a nice shit in it and send it to Sisters, Oregon?
And another one to Wozzle HQ.
Would you add your own creamer to the shit? Recommended.
Research has shown a surprising alternative to Laird’s products: drinking coffee that tastes decent and just eating food.
Yes, there is a market for a psychedelic variety of this product…
You had me at “Laird”. And “Oil”. And “Functional”
doesn’t get any whiter than laird superfoods
VanilLaird?
I don’t know about the mushroom deal, but the Laird coffee creamers are seriously good.
Why use coffee creamers? Why not milk? I’ve had coffee with them and I don’t get it.
It adds a nice little flavor and is lighter than half and half. It’s not an everyday thing, but it’s nice sometimes.