No surfing! How will Surfline Man survive this strange and uncertain new world.
When we last saw Surfline Man, he was bobbing around the lineup, explaining to his friends why their boards were all wrong.
You know, that board would work totally better with different fins.
Oh, you got Futures? I always get FCS2.
They just work, you know? You should try them sometime.
Two weeks from now! Two weeks from now, it’s gona be firing, brah!
That’s all over now.
Surfline Man is stuck at home in San Clemente. His shiny Sprinter Van sits idle in the driveway. His quiver stands untouched in the garage, dry and lonely. No surfing! How will Surfline Man survive this strange and uncertain new world.
Surfline Man still gets up every day and checks the cams. Look at those sets! It’s totally firing. Should he drive up to Huntington? He could go surf Huntington, but would it even be worth it? Probably not, really. He considers sneaking into Trestles, but how super embarrassing would it be if he got caught.
That’s bad vibes, brah, he texts his buddy.
Gotta respect the rules, you know?
Surfline Man is many things, but he tries really hard not to be an asshole. It’s just that all that trying doesn’t always work out for him.
Even though there’s no surfing, Surfline Man is keeping busy. He would not want to waste time with, like, doing nothing or chilling on the couch. Surfline Man is not chill, generally.
So he bought some kettlebells and twice each day, he does a work-out he found online.
He’s also been trying yoga. So good for my back, brah, I feel like a totally new person! I’m going to surf so much better when this is all over.
Can’t wait to hit the water!
The new foam roller he ordered from Amazon is doing wonders. It hurts like a motherfucker, but all the pros use them, you know. And he’s fucking crushing his ab workouts. Surfline Man is gona be so ripped when all this is over.
You just gotta be consistent, you know? Every day, man, just don’t skip a workout ever. Surfline Man has a lot of advice.
Surfline Man gets text messages (Somehow he has friends): hey im playing halo this afternoon, come hang on twitch
Surfline Man: Sorry, brah, can’t. Baking bread. Got a new sourdough recipe!
Surfline Man is really into bread now. He got this killer sourdough starter from his ex-girlfriend’s best friend. You have to feed it all the time, you know. But fresh baked bread is so good.
I’ve been working on my technique, just checking out different recipes and all. I think I’ve got the perfect one now. You gotta try it! No more grocery stores, man, I’m going to make all my own food from now on.
Surfline Man made his own cotton mask, too. There’s instructions on the internet, you just sew it together. Super easy! Come on, man, it’s the right thing to do.
Surfline Man always does the right thing. You should wear one. Here, I made this for you. Sorry it’s pink! My ex left her t-shirt at my house, figured I might as well use it.
Eventually, Surfline Man gives up on surf forecasts, I mean, if I can’t surf, why check it, right?
Instead, Surfline Man is tracking Corona cases hour by hour.
Oh, shit, Truckee is looking hot.
Watch out Brooklyn, it’s coming for you. Check out Seattle, though, they’ve got it together there.
Nah, that’s not the right model to watch, you got to watch this one!
This one is totally accurate. Surfline Man believes the Corona models as devoutly as he ever believed the surf forecasts. We’re gonna get through this, man, we just have to wait 23 more days. That’s what the model says. Surfline Man believes in science, especially when it tells him what he wants to hear.
Why would it lie?
It’s going be firing, brah!