"It's just so basic..."
Fame-adjacent Santa Cruz surfer Ken “Skindog” Collins is certainly having a renaissance during this the Coronavirus Apocalypse. He was thrust back near the spotlight many months ago by publicly declaring that surfers should take quarantine seriously and not participate in the Pastime of Kings until “flattening the curve.”
His position was mocked by fame-adjacent North County, San Diego surfer Joel Tudor and the battle lines were drawn.
Team Skindog on one side. Team Tudor on the other.
Hindsight reveals that the vast majority of surfers fell in behind Ken and created a heretofore unparalleled special unit of snitches, social media tattlers and surf magazine collaborationists. The curve was flattened, many were shamed for daring to paddle and victory gushed forth like the hoppiest double IPA.
Well, Skindog is back in the news again, this time posting an Instagram photo of a Great White Shark breaching off of Pleasure Point, captioning it, “FYI- Nor Cal Great White Shark population is growing. We are seeing them all over the place, even on @surfline.”
The breaching shark being a Great White was confirmed by Pelagic Shark Research Foundation Executive Director Sean Van Sommeran, who says the increasingly polarizing arguments that he hears about sharks bother him.
Per the local Good Times news:
On the one hand, Van Sommeran has heard claims that white shark populations are growing at dangerous rates—a theory floated in the caption of the jumping shark Instagram video—sometimes even prompting theories that sharks don’t deserve any protection, all of which Van Sommeran says isn’t true. (Three dead sharks have washed ashore locally in recent years—one from a gunshot, one that was hit by a boat and another that was likely killed by poisonous runoff, Van Sommeran says.)
At the same time, Van Sommeran often hears claims that all sharks are nothing more than harmless, cute sea creatures, ones that adventure seekers should chase after and try to see up close.
Not advisable, Van Sommeran says. “It’s just so basic: Don’t swim out to the sharks. It’s a large, several-hundred pounds sea creature that eats animals about your size. It’s not some cute baby shark that’s waiting for you to come say ‘Hi.’ Nor is it a prehistoric creature from Amityville that’s looking to kill everyone.”
And so, once again, we must pick sides.
Are you Team Cute Baby or Team Prehistoric Creature from Amityville That’s Looking to Kill Everyone?
Choose wisely.
I can count ’em. 7 times, not 8, not 6. Exactly 7 times I’ve been close in the water with Great Whites. By close I mean a block away or less. People are fucking stupid or nutters to get close, unprotected, on purpose. May as well stick your dick in the wood chipper.
Amityville
You think you can just type thoughts and if an audience finds them interesting… that had to have been enough at some point.
Like everything, the business behind the writing is your next challenge.
If typing comes to you naturally, spin a story, but you have to enter the business matrix of those who can’t write the story.
Kind of like the WSL. If it can force a square peg into a round hole it will try. Futility is like participation. Credit due, live to fight another day.
Derek though likes crisp thoughts, twitter inspired I can only assume. (character limits)
See how easy it is to read?
I’m not confused, every thought has been separated.
America is under riot and grammar is a forgotten, worthless effort to impress other fucked up people that care about grammar.
I love Long Tom. He could print dog shit on eucalyptus bark and I would read it.
I’m all about Team Cute Baby. I encourage as many people to swim out and cuddle sharks. But only so there will be more shark news. The true subversive wears the uniform of his enemy.
Santa Cruz is Nor-Cal adjacent. Nor-Cal is the 380 miles from Crescent City to the Golden Gate bridge. And we all should stay the fuck away out of respect for this demarcation.
technically monterey, santa cruz, sf, cupertino, oakland, san jose, vallejo, san mateo, santa clara, berkely, palo alto, fremont, el cerrito, los gatos and the rest of the bay area is in the northern most half of california and shares very similiar geography, flora and fauna to the rest of norcal, so it is all basically northern california. how does that make you feel champ?
i also consider portland, oregon to be norcal cause it rains a lot there
https://en.wikipedia.org/wi…
Do you like Country, or Country and Western?
I quite like ‘The Good Ole Boys’, they play both types of music, country AND western…
The media conflate shark numbers for headlines. Lots of sightings are just reported as being sharks when they’re actually orcas, pilot whales, two guys in a shark suit – that sort of thing. Sharks only attack the elderly and people who can’t swim. And how many people have actually died in the last year from attacks? We don’t need state-sponsored public safety initiatives like culls or beach closures after sightings to immunise us from the threat. It would be an attack on our liberty.
Two party politics is the enemy of the people
I am still team dolphin
Picking sides, Ken doles out brownshirts. Does he play dress up with Team Cute Baby or Team Prehistoric Creature from Amityville That’s Looking to Kill Everyone?
I read that Aristotle Onassis had the barstools on his favourite boat upholstered with leather made from sperm whale foreskins.
Perhaps this Kenneth fellow could change his name to ‘skin_pizzle’ or perhaps ‘sperm_lion’ to keep with the theme of nautical exclusivity whilst still retaining his rap cred…
Foreskin Dog Collins.
i ken lick my foreskindog collins