Sissy fights, jealousy, wavepools affixed to government teat…the world's first anti-depressive podcast!
In today’s episode of Dirty Water, which was recorded yesterday afternoon, Steve “Longtom” Shearer joins me and Charlie Smith to discuss myriad important topics.
These include his blood feud with surf writer icon Nick Carroll, whom he used to “mail bitchy letters to all the time because he’s such a pro surfer whore” and a seventeen-hour surf fight he saw on the North Shore that started in the surf, moved to the beach, then the streets and, later presumably, a house.
Steve also tells the terrifying story of a friend who was convinced he was going to die during last week’s twelve-foot swell when he was thrown against unclimbable cliffs, saw God briefly, had to be rescued by a helicopter etc.
Charlie talks about his new…new…book, about his armed robber cousin who is closing in on the record for most bank robberies in the USA, this book not to be confused with his new book, Reports from Hell, which is at the printer but can be ordered here prior to its July 1 release, and a sissy surf fight he watched unfurl at home in Cardiff by the Sea.
“A splash in the face is way more emasculating than a punch,” says Charlie. “How do you have any respect for yourself after you’ve been in a splash fight?”
And, a bonus: anyone who leaves a review on iTunes, good, bad, don’t care as long as it’s entertaining, will get a BeachGrit tailpad. All you gotta do is write the review, email us the link ([email protected]) and you’ll get a tailpad in some random colour.
(Available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast, Stitcher, TuneIn + Alexa, iHeartRadio, Overcast, Pocket Cast, Castro, Castbox, Podcast Addict, Podchaser, Deezer and Listen Notes.)
Chris Dixon and Frank: please email [email protected] from the address you'd like your BeachGrit login on.
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Ok, this isn’t that hard to admit though it is hard to admit. Hippy was so drunk last night that I posted this comment on the wrong thread…. which seems difficult to do until you realize I was fixated on watching LA burn. What a fucking mess….. including me.
You think you can just type thoughts and if an audience finds them interesting… that had to have been enough at some point.
Like everything, the business behind the writing is your next challenge.
If typing comes to you naturally, spin a story, but you have to enter the business matrix of those who can’t write the story.
Kind
of like the WSL. If it can force a square peg into a round hole it will
try. Futility is like participation. Credit due, live to fight another
day.
Derek though likes crisp thoughts, twitter inspired I can only assume. (character limits)
See how easy it is to read?
I’m not confused, every thought has been separated.
America is under riot and grammar is a forgotten, worthless effort to impress other fucked up people that care about grammar.
I love Long Tom. He could print dog shit on eucalyptus bark and I would read it.
Yep, I hang on Longtoms every word,
It’s scary.
He could def get a slot on ABC North Coast radio.
Spinnining yarns and tunes
Thank god you mentioned LT’s possessive apostrophes, I thought I was going crazy.
V enjoyable stuff again.
The ragging on Nick was uncalled for.
What a pack of cunts.
Nick, next time you see Chas – bite him in the nuts, bro !
Chur
I don’t like to brag, but I have a 52 and 0 record in pillow fighting…but I only take on women and children
And I have no respect for myself
Chas, did you notice LT has his mid-length in back to tempt you?
I like Jazzy’s idea for the surf film featuring Chas! Beach Grit presents… Full Septic Tank. Pump!, a Jazzy “Kinky Tits’ Dick Boy” P film…
First scene shows Chas loading his mid-length into his truck to surf Cardiff, bogged turns abound.
Next, Chas is shown at his laptop copy pasting five articles in a row, then telling Circe he needs to unwind after a productive day, so he goes to surf D Street. Scene ends with him unable to stand up.
Then, the next scene show him using a carver board to “practice his cutbacks,” then he gets punched in the face by a 5’2″ Cote. Blood on his lip, he decides he needs to go to the Middle East, but because of Covid, he decides to surf Uppers. Dino is there mumble yelling to himself about the crowds. Chas successfully completes a floater and goes in.
Final scene, Chas and I surf the womp at Marine Street, eating it every wave. Last shot is Chas sipping his road vodka at his car, me a 2-liter Diet Dr. Pepper. Credits roll, Jazzy P listed under every role.
Fin
I’d watch all of that
Comedy vs cool surfers..
Comedy wins
You know, that’s actually not far off what the actual plot is…
Is the feud still on? Do I have to listen to find out? I note as of yesterday iTunes had 20 votes!!
T-shirt and will review semi-positively??
Say terrible things, if you wish, but entertain for tail-pad.
its not terrible – I think its maturing nicely
If 3 of the greatest surf journalists (of all time) had a podcast; 2 of the three would have heard of Derek Rielly, one would have exchanged rude letters with Longtom and the other may have slapped Charlie Smith in the neck.
Nooo! Thunderball.
“unfurl”?
Bold moves are made every day.
Cool podcast. The north coast near death experience tale was pretty fucking harrowing. Also sounds like Longtom needs to get a literary agent asap.
Hooray.
No dicks to suck
Sissy free episode. Dicky sucky innuendo resumes next week.
Great…
“Re sharks, do you need any, uhm, expert opinions?”
Oooh, I laughed.