Welcome to Ron Jon's, I love you.

We are entering a new phase of the Coronavirus Dystopia, a sort of respite between the pandemic’s first wave and second wave where mass unemployment leads to mass homelessness leads to mass food shortages leads to solving that problem by watering the world’s crops with Brawndo™ because it has electrolytes.

The only retail that remains open, after we’re through, is Costco, St<a>rbucks exotic coffee for men and, quite unexpectedly, core surf shops.

Industry newsletter Shop-Eat-Surf revealed today that sales at many of the world’s surf shops are not only surviving but thriving, smashing forecasts and even outpacing last year’s numbers, which may say more about last year’s numbers.

Per the report:

Patrik Schmidle of ActionWatch has repeatedly said during this crisis that core stores could be better positioned than many traditional retailers when they are allowed to open. Many industry stores are not located in malls but in individual locations or strip centers, which can make customers feel safer. And more importantly, they sell a lot of activity based goods like skateboards, surfboards and body boards – all things people can do in this virus era.

Fantastic no?

Very surprising… or maybe not. We surfers, we proud descendants of Spicoli, seem primed to thrive in our new future.

Now go away.

‘Batin.

Closed eyes, pursed lips.

The sun popped out, after a touch of morning grey, a light wind carrying with it the scent of sea, of good times waiting. I tossed my board in the back of the truck, coasted down the hill, parked, crossed the train tracks, crossed the street and beheld smaller than expected surf but still fun.

Shoulder-ish high on the sets.

It wasn’t particularly crowded, a sort of easy-going vibe that complemented the lack of critical sections nicely.

A kid was trying a few airs on a new-ish Christenson. A goat boater, fully bearded, vested with a CamelBak and helmet floated next to him.

A wave came and I watched as a chubby 30-something riding a round-nosed mini-mal dropped in on a ginger pre-teen riding a Wavestorm who was then dropped in on by a nondescript 40-something riding a yellowing gun.

When they all came up the pre-teen Stormtrooper flipped his board over and paddled back out. The chubby 30-something floated next to his mini-mal and started jawing at the nondescript 40-something, who floated next to his yellowing gun.

Their faces two feet apart.

They jawed for a handful of moments and then it happened.

The chubby 30-something splashed the nondescript 40-something in the face. The nondescript 40-something returned fire and splashed the chubby 30-something in the face. The chubby 30-something went back for seconds. The nondescript 40-something, not willing to concede, went back for seconds too.

And then it went full on. Both splashing each other in the face, from two feet apart for a solid 30 to 40 seconds.

No punches, no pushes, just rage-filled splashing for a weirdly long time.

I had never seen anything so positively wonderful. Both had their eyes closed, lips pursed, in order to keep that saltwater out. Heads tilted up, slightly.

The splashing reached critical mass where the hands couldn’t quite move fast enough to inflict much water damage plus with the eyes closed, heads tilted up, it was difficult for each to regularly hit the target but I did see the chubby 30-something gasp for air at some point.

And like that it was over.

I applauded and noted to those around me that we had just witnessed the greatest lineup fight in surfing’s long and sordid history.

They all agreed.

"Costa Rica is, today, the nation with the lowest mortality among the 10 favorite world destinations for to surf."

Have you already started to think about your next surf trip, when all this madness ends? Maybe a quick jaunt to Bali? Mexico? Oahu’s south shore? Lemoore, California? Travel will be brutal, I imagine, with once-friendly stewards and stewardesses dressing as extras from the film Contagion…

…zero food or drink, inflight magazines burned in giant barrels etc. but surfers gonna surf so where will you head?

The Central American nation of Costa Rica is predicting itself as the real winner, post-Covid, and let’s learn more about the surprisingly bullish claim. Let’s get our information directly from the Q Network.

Surfers who will travel again in search of waves and also consider the sanitary measures carried out by country during the coronavirus, will find that Costa Rica is, today, the nation with the lowest mortality among the 10 favorite world destinations for to surf.

With a mortality rate of just 1.08% during the contagion days so far, Costa Rica is today, the ninth country in the world that has best treated the health emergency, but the first among the 10 most visited destinations for surfing reasons.

Both National Geographic and other international media have repeatedly placed Costa Rica among the Top 10 of privileged countries to surf in their publications.

The other nine destinations are: Indonesia, Hawaii, the United States, Australia, South Africa, Spain, New Zealand, Brazil and Ireland.

However, Costa Rica, within that Top 10, is with the lowest mortality rate and with the least amount of infections in relation to the entire population.

Very wonderful, I suppose, though again… bullish. Less than two months ago, Costa Rican police officers appeared to shoot at surfers in the water, very much not wanting them at all.

Could it all be a trick?

A trap set where many surfers fly to Costa Rica with promises of disease-free waves and then get locked into work camps to slave and atone for the 1992 Gérard Depardieu vehicle 1492: Conquest of Paradise?

Possibly.