"Don't go to the beach."

Hammers continue to fall across these United States of America as Covid-19’s dreaded second wave breaks from shore to shore. Los Angeles County? Shuttered though maybe not enforced. Arizona’s Big Surf? Temporarily re-closed.

Kelly Slater’s hometown of Cocoa Beach?

Mayor Ben Malik took the bold step of limiting parties on the beach to ten people or less and encouraged people to not come to the beach at all.

“If you are at risk, you have a choice. You know what? The beaches are going to be crowded. It’s a holiday weekend. Don’t go to the beach. If you don’t like crowds, don’t go to the beach.”

The order will stand for 60 days, through the rest of the summer, and be very sad for people with more than ten best friends.

Will Kelly Slater be there with ten of his best friends?

Possibly.

Who would they be? I think, in order of least best to most best:

10. David Hasselhoff

9. Jack Johnson

8. Charlie Goldsmith

7. Eddie Vedder

6. A golf club

5. Raimana Van Bastolaer

4. A spoonful of organic coconut oil

3. Pat O’Connell

2. A Kenny Loggins CD

1. Kelly Slater

Sal Masekela would miss the call up by six slots, losing out to a can of dolphin safe tuna and Hulk Hogan amongst others, and spend his 4th of July weekend narrating his iPhone photo album titled “Me and my best friend in the whole wide world” featuring pictures of Kelly Slater plucked from the Internet.

Sad.

RIP summer.

Oh man, oh boy… I mean oh woman, oh girl… damn it, I mean oh gender neutral person of a more advanced age, oh gender neutral person of a less advanced age, we sure are in a pickle here in the United States of America.

Our birthday is coming up and this Covid-19 business was supposed to be in our rearview mirror. We were supposed to be going to bars and restaurants, movie theaters and beaches, celebrating the defeat of taxation without representation but here we are right in the middle of a pickle.

It appears the second wave of the Coronavirus is much more insidious than the first wave and now we are in some twilight zone of anger, worry, pointed fingers, recriminations, etc.

A bright spot, I suppose, is that I’ve gotten used to wearing my mask, spreading fear like Bane in Batman.

Pretty cool.

An ugly blot is that beaches are being re-closed, namely in Los Angeles County and right before a heat wave is going to hit the region.

Per Barbara Ferrer, the county’s director of public health, “Closing the beaches and prohibiting fireworks displays during this important summer holiday weekend was an incredibly difficult decision to make, but it’s the responsible decision to protect public health and protect our residents from a deadly virus. The Fourth of July holiday weekend typically means large crowds and gatherings to celebrate, a recipe for increased transmission of COVID-19.”

As you well know, the World Surf League CEO Erik Logan lives squarely in the middle of Los Angeles County, on the beach and likes to paddle around on an undersized canoe. He will be very sad.

Do you think he will pack up his paddle and undersized canoe and drive south to Orange County? It would be rude of him so to do. But, honestly, isn’t Huntington Beach going to take the brunt of roving ELos and Inland Empirates?

I’d imagine so and I’ll imagine that pictures of packed Huntington Beaches will garner such tongue wagging that San Diego County beaches will quickly re-close too.

Huntington will, of course, stay open.

But what are you going to do this weekend?

Go to Sizzler?

When was the last time you went to Sizzler? When I was a younger boy it represented the very height of luxury and reserved for only the finest, fanciest occasions.

RIP salad bars.