Rocket from Russia? (Rockaway Times)
Rocket from Russia? (Rockaway Times)

Watch: “Deranged” shark attempts to crawl ashore at New York’s Rockaway Beach, terrifying onlookers two days before re-opening in “Ramones-esque Nightmare!”

"It was endless."

Whether Cape Cod, California or Cocoa Beach, it appears as if nature’s apex-predator, the man-eating shark, has enjoyed the lack of men in her ocean and means to keep it that way.

As you know, whole stretches of coast have been shuttered during these Coronavirus Pandemic months. Surfers and sunbathers forced to mumble and groan and/or eat their Asian-Fusion cuisine within pebble tossing of the sand.

But the clouds have parted-ish, openings maybe imminent (save California) right in time for the United States of America’s birthday too.

Happy?

Sharks are decidedly not. They are currently amassing off Cape Cod in never-before-seen numbers waiting to chew on the pale bodies of the recently freed.

And in New York’s Rock Rock Rockaway Beach?

A “deranged” shark attempted to crawl ashore just two days ahead of its official opening.

Shark washes up on Rockaway Beach ahead of NYC beach reopenings

Local Regina Cantoni saw the whole business go down and said, “The whole beach came to the shore … and started screaming, ‘Shark!’ It was endless. Everyone wanted to get a shot of the shark.”

And if we know anything, it is the only thing more viral than Coronavirus is social media and imagine the fear, the terror, spreading through New York this very minute with those endless shots of shark.

The prehistoric beasts have upped their PR strategy during quarantine and/or have been collaborating with the Russians.

Will somebody lose their leg this weekend?

More as the story develops.

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J H
J H
6 years ago

We have a lot of bunker (moss bunker or technically, menhaden) in the water this year so it’s not a surprise to see the Threshers come in closer to the beach.

They curtailed commercial harvesting of bunker a few years ago so the schools have continued to grow.

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
6 years ago

Surprised not to see that killer carved up before it stopped breathing. Thresher shark is tasty!

J H
J H
6 years ago

One of the few species that you can actually eat.

Abscessed Llama
Abscessed Llama
6 years ago
Reply to  J H

Maybe the best! Is sturgeon considered a shark?

J H
J H
6 years ago

No…sturgeon are just ugly.

Independent Bald Bomber
Independent Bald Bomber
6 years ago

On a slightly related note, in college I hooked up with a chick from Rockaway Beach who looked a bit like a land Manatee once the sun came up and the buzz wore off.

BrooklynBarrelDodger
BrooklynBarrelDodger
6 years ago

My local! Those rotting wooden pilings are sketchy at high tide, guess even a shark can get tangled up in them.

Mapski
Mapski
6 years ago

Any self respecting local from my beach would light the grill and get some lemon butter ready for that gift.. Looks like a Thresher.

Hippy
Hippy
6 years ago
Reply to  Mapski

Often sold as swordfish…..

frank
frank
6 years ago
Reply to  Mapski

I think at that point they’ve Released a massive amount of uric acid, so no bueno

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Chewing out a rhythm on my bubble gum*
Sun is out and I want some**
It’s not hard, not far to reach***
We can hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach****

*A challenge, but he can drink water with one hand now.
**Metaphor for cold hard cash.
***Ivanka
****On the backs of the working man.

Johnny would’ve hated this song.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Eat kosher salami!!

frank
frank
6 years ago

Where’s your guts and your will to survive?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  frank

In my trunks!!

Backdoorman
Backdoorman
6 years ago

I wana be sedated.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Backdoorman

Just keep on clicking on those shark stories and all your wishes will come true.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Sea date with a shark story. An ending you won’t see coming.

J H
J H
6 years ago
Reply to  Backdoorman

Aside from seeing Nirvana at Roseland Ballroom seeing the Ramones at Irving Plaza was one of my concert attending highlights.

90 minute-ish set and they played about 400 sings…or so it seemed.

“1, 2, 3, 4…”

Billy Hunt
Billy Hunt
6 years ago
Reply to  J H

Yeah … they were pretty intense … No breaks between songs … just 1,2,3,4 and into the next one.

Don’t think I’ve ever been so sweaty.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Rocket to Russia? Given your current President, it’s more like Bonzo goes to Bitburg.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

He’s doing his best
He does what he can
To get them ready
For bee el em.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Good news is I heard that lately military recruitment in Australia is soaring.

While it is an upside of an economy on the downside, it also may indicate, on the upside, that Australians are finally taking the China threat, Covid-19 and all seriously.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

I think that’s military spending. It’s our attempt to re-energise the economy. Pretty stupid really. If anyone ever attacks us, you guys will have to jump in because of Pine Gap. Fuck I’d be a good politician.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

My sources told me specifically “recruitment”. That’s why I thought it comment worthy.

Hippy
Hippy
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

jumped the gun before understanding again Otto?

where you gonna hide from the throngs this weekend? hope you score some waves and when it all gets too much, know that Monday is coming.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Understand this:
https://www.theage.com.au/n…

Hippy
Hippy
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

credit due OTto….

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Excellent news!!
I’d join too but alas my age precludes me.
Dad’s army for me.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Haven’t noticed any observable increase in recruitment yet. Not that I watch commercial tv much. I’ll ask the only army guy I deliver to if he has heard anything about it.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

Check out the article i posted a link to below. It’s good to have a warrior class.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Quick check has lead me to an article saying that they have changed tack with recruitment strategy due to COVID. Can’t get face to face so much anymore so advertising in local papers and online has been increased. Can’t get any info on actual numbers though.

J H
J H
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Are you sure it’s not “Grooming?”

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

You could easily score a state seat at least seeing the dearth of any intelligent life forms in labor or greens.
And you get paid to campaign daily with your current job.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

I’m waiting for bars to fully open and gigs to start happening before using worktime to distribute flyers for as yet un-named band.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

K.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Going to need a War for all those new recruits. That’ll kick start the global economy for the victor too.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

The fortune (cha-ching) cookie of a Chinese take out, so to speak.


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