Fairy dust or essential nutritional addendums? It
don't matter! Invest!
Laird Hamilton is the supersonic mouthpiece, and
part-owner, 13.5 percent if y’wondering, of Oregon-based company
Laird Superfood, the company he created in
2015.
It sells plant-based coffee creamers, including one made from an
ocean algae called Aquamin, which will toughen up your bones,
“premium” instant coffee, freeze-dried coconut water and assorted
other treats that line up under the umbrella of
“superfoods”.
Before you tuck your napkin into your collar, it might be
prudent to point out, here, that frizzling your body with
superfoods don’t automatically turn you into Laird Hamilton.
Or toughen up your bones,
“Food is more than the sum of its parts,” writes Peter Lipson in
Forbes. “Some of the vitamins present in foods are
necessary in small amounts to maintain health, a fact that has over
the years led us to think that there are more magic substances in
food. This has not been borne out by science. None of
the myriad ‘antioxidants’ and other magical substances discovered
in foods has ever been found to provide some sort of revolutionary
health benefit.”
It don’t hurt sales.
Laird Superfoods did thirteen-million dollars last year although
the company recorded a net loss of $8.5 mill.
Selling the gear too cheap? Not according to the
IPO’s prospectus.
“Strong gross margins
provide Laird Superfood with a sustainable competitive
advantage…”
Go figure, as they say in the trades.
The forty mill Laird Superfood is hunting in this
public offering ain’t such a stretch for the fifty-six-year-old who
was born in the UCSF’s Medical Center’s
bathysphere, mammy and bebe enjoying zero gravity for
the birth.
It raised ten mill from
Danone Manifesto Ventures in April and WeWork founder Adam Neumann,
a surfer bro of Laird, was part of a thirty-two mill round of
funding in 2019
Of course, all foods live or die by taste.
And BeachGrit‘s Jen See was at the vanguard of
Laird Superfood in 2018.
When I ate the Superfood I did not immediately acquire the
ability to fly or anything useful like that. Presumably it added
calcium to my bones, but I felt nothing. Not even a tingle. This
was slightly disappointing.
I mixed the Hydrate with bottled water in a 12-ounce
container as the instructions demanded. Once mixed, it has a milky,
white color. The flavor is nothing to write home about. Not
terrible! Just not super exciting.
It needed something. I rummaged around the kitchen and found
vodka of questionable vintage. I added the vodka to the Hydrate.
Mmm, vodka. I added more. Even better. Then I was out of coconut
water Superfood. More Vodka. What were we talking about again, I
don’t know. Vodka, good. Next time, I skip straight to vodka. More
vodka.
I approached the Instafuel with trepidation. Instant coffee.
I once carried a French Press in my camera bag on a bike-packing
trip in Oregon. This was a stupid decision, because packing out wet
coffee grounds is stupid. But it does give you an idea of my
feelings about instant coffee.
I again entered the kitchen to boil the required boiled
water, which just about exhausts my kitchen repertoire. I added
boiling water to the instant coffee and Superfood mixture. It
dissolved! Magic! A thin layer tan bubbles, resembling crema,
appeared on the surface. I know this game. I see you, Instafuel! I
see you trying to fool me into thinking you are actually good
coffee! You can’t fool me.
If you like your coffee very sweet and you enjoy
coconut-flavored things, Laird Superfood Instafuel is your dream
morning libation. It is easy to make! And almost instant! But so is
Starbucks Via, which more closely resembles coffee.
Browse the Laird Superfood range
here.
Ships worldwide.
