Ben Gravy beware.
But which do you consider the scariest horror film featuring a bad mother? Mommie Dearest? Mother!? My Mom’s a Werewolf? Dead Alive?
There are many terrifying choices as mothers, when they turn, strike more ice-cold fear into the heart than just about anything and, thus, it is fitting that possibly the largest Great White Shark in the entire ocean is a 50+ year old mother named Nukumi.
Weighing in at over 4500 lbs and stretching over 17 feet, the apex predator was first observed and tagged just over a month ago near the coast of Nova Scotia. She is now malingering just off New Jersey and surfers there should be very, very scared as she could easily fit three Ben Gravys in her belly alongside multiple helpings of Sam Hammer.
How do you imagine Ben Gravy tastes (imagine here)?
Nukumi, shark researchers estimate, has likely given birth to over 100 pups in her lifetime and is “winning the battle of natural selection.
Back to scary mothers, though, do you think she raised her li’l killers right with good manners etc. or do you think she abused them so that they can go abuse others?
Have you watched Dead Alive?
It is my favorite of the bad mother genre.
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I found the article interesting, but I think it needs a vocabulary edit. The shark is not malingering (faking an illness) but is lingering (hanging around, loitering.)
I can’t believe they are doing that with the dolphins!
The shark is definitely lurking, specifically in the vicinity of Northern Ocean County and Southern Monmouth County… it’s believed this shark is seeking out wave craft that resemble the Costco-best selling Wavestorm. The shark also has a keen taste for adult learners in Vineyard Vines and Brooks Brothers attire who paddle out only after Sunday brunch or Saturday morning elitist community tee-times at the private white supremacist golf club… let it be known to these folks Manasquan Inlet and sandbars just to the north in Sea Girt and Spring Lake are all stalking grounds of this shark… same goes for sandbars south of the Inlet in Bay Head and Mantoloking… Please know southern New Jersey surf spots near Ben Gravy are in fact safe of the shark… all are advised in joining Mr. Gravy in the safety and warmth of these southern NJ locales… but no doubt Central New Jersey is not safe…
MD…….don’t mommy mommy.
Still not as bad or vicious as us humans..! Not even close!!!
Yep. That’s where sharks live, in the ocean. Der. We don’t. As for given birth to a hundred li’l killers headline. What a stupid ignorant headline. Can’t wait for Discovery Channels Shark Week to start. Awesom we work by the OSearch.
Can you French people stop speaking better English than the Aussies, Irish, English, Scottish, Canadian (kidding) South African, Kiwi and Yanks, please?
I’ve been told by sources I just made up* that Ben tastes like biscuits.
*Good to have those voices finally earn their way.
L’optimisme est important.
Bad boy bubby
I’m glad we are back on sharks. Kai-lit wasn’t stoking my fires.
Fair point.
Chas, where is the interview with Kalani Miller you were promising?
Bad Boy Bubby or the Taboo series
them great tits Flo.
Beat me to it!!
What it comes to evil bitcharooney moms you have to dig into the oldies. It’s worth paying homage to Straight-Jacket’s Joan Crawford role Lucy Harbin. Not to mention The Brood’s Nola Carveth would also be bitchy mom move in and of itself. Don’t be that mom Chas. And last but not least let’s not forget Rebecca De Mornay in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.
I know she was no mum but that crazy hag , who busted the writers ankles in Misery , still gives me cold sweats ….
https://youtu.be/LIL8-f4o0ss….. there goes his air game ?
No wonder Chas retreats to the Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills when he wants to mind dive into a book. That movie ruined the idea of a countryside inn retreat for authors and artisans alike.
Cathy Bates and Jim Caan.
You guys would enjoy Rollerblade, premise is great and Caan isn’t tortured…. well he is but not by Bates.
Yep … one could go to write the Hobbit and come back without the ring and hobbled .
anyone that would play that link is sadistic and can’t land airs anyway.
New Jersey Pro Surfer Dean Randazzo , in an interview with CNN once informed them that “there were places on the tour when I wasn’t eating if I didn’t win money in that contest, or I didn’t have a plane ticket home.” So if Hungry Dean , got a Big Sam Hammer and Wacked the Great White Malicious Mummy on the Head , He could have served her up with a delicious Ben Gravy or a New Jersey version of the Bouillabaisse , with Rouille , a type of fish stew from Marseille ….
Or they could take a leaf out of the book from a small Japanese village , which suffered two bear attacks ….. They installed some crazy looking fake wolves to scare them off ….. might work for Sharks too
I met an iconic star at Angourie during a work week of empty head high plus fun.
He told me that nobody on the tour, this was about ’81, made money except MR. Said Bugs put the tour on his credit card. I asked how much MR made and was told about 40K Aus.
I was making about that part time as a college student.
And remember, that tour had 32 events all over the fucking joint with dog shit prize money.
They literally willed the tour into existence …..
They went into debt Jimbo.
All so parasites could pick up the pieces and form SIMA.
Or they got into the ‘import/export’ business…
laundering BnB…. laundering.
Yeah but they had a dream and lived it … there are worse things then debt …. like regret ?
I don’t know. I listened to the Kanga Cairns podcast, and I’m not saying there weren’t moments I did enjoy, but he is a tad bitter about a few things.
The original surf stars who created the tour made very little from competing , while the parasitic t-shirt and boardshort industry , rode on the dream , willed into being by the competitors, …. to unimaginable wealth . The credit for creating the inter subjective entity , The ISP / ASP tour , went to the stars…… but not the profit.
Pretty sure James is politely saying that they banged more puss than any of us could dream about
Keeping the rod well oiled and the dream Alive …
Was tapping my debit card on the bar after a hockey game at the Ice Palace on Oahu in ’89 as I was waiting for drinks. Guy next to me said that was the north shore mating call.Thought it was funny.
Kong mentioned in his biography that on the North Shore at that epoch ….. it was a 5 km drive to get groceries but only 250m walk to get Coke ….
Meth was a big problem even back then.
My bestie that I lived with was a cop. He had a few stories where it would take 3 of them to take a guy down.
Friends would drift back with wild tales from the North Shore ….Tim Fretz , Mickey Nielsen etc etc etc went for the waves , stayed for the buds … I suppose the 7 mile miracle was a microcosm of the entire surfing world , everything compacted so tight in that space , that extreme characters and incidents were bound to explode ?
I lived on the south shore and would just day trip so I really don’t know.
Can say this though..island fever is real. Kinda like living in Cronulla and not being able to leave. You see the same faces, same shit, different day.
Like quarantine here, things get testie when you are confined to a small area and can’t get away for the weekend and tell people to get out of your face.
I got an email from my German friend the other day, said he hasn’t worked since April and is not eligible for any benefits.
Heard on am radio yesterday that Deutsche Bank believes that German working from home are dragging down the economy, not buying coffee, transport,etc. Said they would like to see stay at home workers pay a 3% tax.
7KZpartner.yahoo.Com
Nukumi – “wise old grandmother.” Hah ! Gotta love how the researchers try to humanise the subjects of their gravy train.
Why not Vera Cosgrove ? 50 years of birthing man-eaters …
Why would you ask us how we imagine Ben Gravy to taste when Chas and Derek no damned well what he tastes like.
It’s 5:08 AM and Im off to work soon. I suspect when I come home tonight this will be the top comment.
Well done
Well… delicious but I’d love you to take your own nibble.
“know damned well” not “no damned well” Geez.
wow you really are digging for some self validation.
It’a proper spelling and grammar that distinguish us from the Mongrel races. And I’ve been violated plenty, don’t you worry.
Is there a reason you keep saying the same Mongrel line over and over again? You don’t have any other quips?
That’s from Mein Kampf, a book I keep under my pillow and have programmed into my Tesla S – it starts playing the moment I sit down.
“Es ist die richtige Rechtschreibung und Grammatik, die uns von den mongolischen Rassen unterscheidet.”
Sometimes I switch to “Mongol races” because quoting Hitler is kind of Nazi, you know?
I mean who will get insulted there?
Genghis Khan?
If you’re going to groan on and on about using proper grammar, I suggest you actually practice what you preach.
Ben getting eaten by the shark would be fun to watch, but that would mean I’d have to sit through 12 minutes of lame set up for 1.5 minutes of action.
7 of those minutes would be cringe comments by his girlfriend who is there to attract 15-40yr old males who need something more to get them through his lame surf adventure of the day.
Similar to when Batgirl was introduced to Batman.
A possible victor in stupidest, laziest, most insipid BG article of 2020.
Possible it was written on the toilet this AM
2020 still has a good 40 days left!
You have set the bar in a place where even contortionist limbo dancers fear to tread ….. I love it .
incentive
Over a month late Chas. Not sure you can get that low again but we shall see.
I didn’t even realize this was the article I was needing until I saw it. Thanks!
I did specify “possible”.
You’ll get used to it.