"The World Surf League is deeply committed to ocean health and is implementing new initiatives centered around reducing our carbon footprint, refusing single-serve plastics, and leaving every coastline better than we found it." | Photo: WSL Pure

Revealed: The diary extracts of a WSL heartthrob and climate activist surfer, “Read that takeaway coffee cups aren’t even recyclable. Raging. Call agent and get the ball rolling on 500,000 non-disposable coffee cups with my logo on them. Feel much better.”

#blessed #theresnoplanB

It’s been six months since WSL heartthrob Drexel Wilson had an epiphany: climate change was real, was happening now, and if someone somewhere didn’t do something quick many of the world’s oceans would be rendered unrippable.

There and then Drexel slammed down his disposable plastic smoothie cup and phoned his agent.

Below is an extract from his diary as a climate activist.

15th June
Oops! Looks like old Drex gone broke the internet! Put it across my socials that I could no longer in good faith put my name on another “disgusting hunk of plastic based foam destined only to rot in a landfill or float for eternity in our pristine seas”. The socials blew up. Phone’s melting with calls from all the mags. Even New York Times and The Guardian lifestyle sections want a piece of Drex. Inertia’s coming over to do a video profile – full media engagement.

Board shaper calls raging, take issue with “disgusting hunk” phrasing. Agree to at least ride the warehouse load of signature models I already have. Pitched hemp as viable option and could shaper research it. I think he went through a tunnel at that point.

18th June
Read that some takeaway coffee cups aren’t even recyclable. Raging. Call agent and get the ball rolling on 500,000 non-disposable coffee cups with my logo on them (retail $20) and 800,000 non-disposable drinking straws (retail $10 per pack of 10) with my name written along them. Feel much better.

Cash some air-miles for a quick hop from sunny So-Cal to slightly less sunny Germany. Car company wants some optics on me driving around a beach in their new hybrid. Straight to the airport, straight back to So-Cal. Turn on my phone when I hit the tarmac – message from Nate. Swell hitting Mexico tomorrow morning. Lucky I’m already at the airport!

Feel this is karma for all the effort I’ve already put into saving the planet. You’re welcome planet! De nada!

20th June
Looks like we might finally be getting the ball rolling on my new range of signature boards. Nate reckons he knows a guy who knows a guy in Brazil who’s cultivated a certain type of bamboo that with a certain type of care and attention (I didn’t catch all the names of the chemicals involved) can be shaped into a right little ripper! Progress!

24th June
Call the energy bar sponsor and lay down the law: all products vegan from now on. They’re not happy, something something production costs, reconfigurations, contracts blah blah. Damn suits. Can’t stand conflict, messes with my aura. Fly up to Vancouver and have it out face-to-face. It’s me, some nerd from RnD, some desk jockey from marketing and my agent. The marketing kook comes up with a plan, different bars based on different spots around the world: mango from Indo, avocado from Costa Rica, chilli and chocolate from Mexico, orange from So-Cal, coconut from Hawaii etc etc.

I point out Costa Rica’s major kooksville but marketing dork says it needs to go “cross-markets to be viable”.

I agree provided that all the ingredients are the real deal, flown in, none of this additive shit. Done. #hustle4theplanet

25th June
Seems we went overboard on the non-disposable cups/straws idea. Agent calls to tell me a quarter of the batch won’t sell and will have to be blah blah blah. Didn’t catch her last bit. Saw a racoon licking a burrito wrapper and guess I kind of zoned out. #nature

27th June
Take a break from saving the world to actually get some surfing done! Tell Nate to do a ring around the gang – Aus trip! This weekend! No excuses! Put it across the socials. Greenpeace send over 500 vinyl stickers to hand out to the Aussie groms – brand optics etc. Get to the airport. Baggage over weight limit by a couple of kg. Dich a board. Comes down to the stickers or the spare selfie-stick. Ditch stickers.

5th July
Some great sessions in Aus but even on a trip with my buddies the work never ends! Climate change doesn’t take a vacation! Hook up with my sunglass sponsor and some local marine conservation group and give an interview for some doc about the Great Barrier reef. Get a great view of it flying up to Indo for a couple of bonus waves. Feel proud to be protecting such a beautiful wonder of the world. #blessed #theresnoplanB

7th July
Agent phones in a meltdown re: vegan protein bars. Turns out the mango farm in Indo uses slave labour and the Mexican chili company killed a couple of union members. Don’t know who Union are, a soccer team or something? Suggest calling Indo workers “environmental volunteers”. Says that could fly for a bit.

Speaking of flying; Portugal’s pumping! Airport. Lisbon. Supertubos!

15th July
Fly down to Brazil with shaper for a meeting with the surfboard wood guy. Seems legit. Big house. Big staff. Barbed wire. Private security. Showed me his fleet of bulldozers. Gives me a tour of the lab where they hope to make this new bamboo stuff. Smelt weird. Felt woozy so didn’t catch all the details, had to go outside and take off my gas mask. Shaper said something about rights of Amazon tribes. Last I saw of him he was getting a private tour of the gym with one of the security guys.

20th July
All day meeting with WLS reps re: making the tour more green. Only hybrid or electric model’s car sponsor logos on rash vests; all flags made from hemp; WSL logo green coloured on all products and promotion materials.

Good to know they’re on-board and I can compete with a clear conscience.


Exclusive: Hurley chases wildly successful beard softener and charcoal peel-off masks for men with post-workout wipes!

Cleanse * Hydrate * Deodorize

The pivot to personal care products simply took the remaining bits of what used to be called “the surf industry” too long. It should have been obvious years ago. Should have been clear as the lightly sunburned noses on our faces that grooming is where we could/should/do shine brightest.

Oh, not that we are necessarily “well-groomed” but we also have Julian Wilson, who looks well-groomed, and rides for the iconic brand Hurley.

But of course you were excited when you learned here about Hurley’s exciting new product offerings, a beard softener which features a classically surf bourbon and oak essence and a charcoal peel-off that mask eliminates impurities while, at the same time, refreshing.

Were you also a touch sad though? Like, that’s it? Only two personal care products, the first only for men and the second targeted to men?

Well, dreams come true and I’m honored to be the first to introduce Hurley’s newest offering.

Post-workout wipes.

These asexual moist towelettes are guaranteed to cleanse, hydrate and deodorize after even the most strenuous jog/bench press/squat/box jump and all with that undeniable Hurley fresh essence.

And I don’t know if I can imagine a better stocking stuffer for the gym rat in your life.

A beautiful new day.

Bilzerian (pictured).
Bilzerian (pictured).

Breaking: Famous influencer and “party boy” Dan Bilzerian gets barreled at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch!

Plus the scariest ghost story you'll ever read.

Oh but was this fated to happen from the very beginning? The exact moment that Kelly Slater laid eyes on a defunct water ski lake in Lemoore, California and envisioned a long, green barrel? Hindsight is, of course, 20/20 and so it’s easy to say, now, that Surf Ranch was always going to become a douche magnet but did you know that at the start?

Expensive, exclusive and gate controlled by the World Surf League and/or Kelly Slater.

A douche super-magnet the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Wilmer Valderrama and Danny Masterson bringing their bros to the Playboy Mansion circa 2002.

Diplo has surfed the Ranch a few times.

So has Brody Jenner.

Dan Bilzerian just dried off.

I celebrated this past Halloween with a few wonderful families in Bel Air and was in charge of telling the twelve, or so, children a ghost story. The home that hosted backed up to a verdant canyon filled with trees, brush and poison oak and so we walked the children to its edge, sat them down and I began by telling them a macabre tale about how an old Indian (feather not dot) used to live in the canyon and made it his mission to create a human being. I then blindfolded them and passed around the eyeballs he created (peeled grapes), livers (canned peaches), heart (stewed tomato), etc.

There were many squeals and I hadn’t even gotten to the most horrifying bit.

The old Indian made every part of the body but could not make a soul and was so sad that his human being would never live. One dark and stormy night, though, a bolt of lightning hit the sack of flesh and the soulless carcass came to some sort of life and haunts Bel Air’s hills to this day.

It’s name is Dan Bilzerian.

“Kids, and especially girls, if you ever come across the Dan Bilzerian, spray mace in its soulless face and run far, far away…”

I was pretty pleased with myself.

Western Australian Bodyboarder killed in “very unusual” shallow water attack” by twelve-foot shark; police fire shots, fail to disperse shark which lingered near shore for thirty-minutes… 

"Pretty horrific."

A bodyboarder in his fifties was hit and killed by a twelve-foot shark at Cable Beach, a pretty and mostly waveless beach two thousand clicks north of Perth, on Sunday.  

Charles Cernobori was a hundred feet offshore when the animal, likely a tiger or bull shark ‘cause Whites tend to do a u-turn when they hit Exmouth a thousand kilometres south, attacked.

A couple went to help Cernobori after they saw “trashing” in the water, pulling him to shore and calling an ambulance.

“Obviously that would have been pretty horrific for those people. It was very brave to enter the water and do what they did,” Inspector Gene Pears said.

Cops arrived, fired a volley at the animal, which missed, and the shark hung around for another half an hour.

It’s the first fatal shark in almost thirty years, since a pearl diver was killed at Roebuck Bay. 

WA Police deputy commissioner Col Blanch said the attack was “very unusual” for the area although Cable Beach is occasionally closed when crocodiles waltz through the area.

The man’s death marks the third fatal shark attack in Western Australia in 2020, following January’s Great White hit on diver Gary Johnson in January, and the disappearing of a local surfer by a Great White in October

Polish SCUBA enthusiasts, inspired by Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, build world’s deepest artificial dive tank near Warsaw: “Some sections simulate caves and others have a sunken boat!”

Under da sea.

I mostly keep my affinity for SCUBA diving to myself, but it is true, I am a big fan of the French art. Growing up and watching Jacques Cousteau then James Bond with tanks on their backs and knives strapped around their calves was more than my young heart could take and I got my dive certification as soon as I could.

The problem with the SCUBA diving scene, I soon found out, is that it is neither Jacques Cousteau nor James Bond but rather upper-middle aged, slightly overweight suburbanites who treat 60 feet below the ocean’s surface like another neat place to day hike.

Many colorful gadgets. Much slowness of movement.

Well, maybe Polish SCUBA enthusiasts feel the same way as me and hope to bring the sexy back with the almost-finished DeepSpot diving tank just outside Warsaw.

At nearly 150 ft, it will be the deepest dive pool in the entire world and be stocked with cool features like caves and shipwrecks and if that won’t inspire a Thunderball scene than I just don’t know what will.

According to DeepSpot’s Facebook account, there is only one pool left to fill and then the doors can swing wide.

Not according to DeepSpot’s Facebook account, but we must assume, is the influence of Kelly Slater and his Surf Ranch. I’ve snowboarded an artificial mountain in Dubai and floated on an artificial river in Las Vegas but both paled in comparison to the artificial waves in Lemoore. Slater and his team raised the expectations for fake.

That manmade should be better than real and more fun too.

Slater almost achieved with his but the Poles most certainly will with theirs (see video).

I can say, without a doubt, I will be diving DeepSpot next time I’m near Warsaw with a very cool knife strapped to my calf.

Will you join me?