Exclusive: Hurley chases wildly successful beard softener and charcoal peel-off masks for men with post-workout wipes!

Cleanse * Hydrate * Deodorize

The pivot to personal care products simply took the remaining bits of what used to be called “the surf industry” too long. It should have been obvious years ago. Should have been clear as the lightly sunburned noses on our faces that grooming is where we could/should/do shine brightest.

Oh, not that we are necessarily “well-groomed” but we also have Julian Wilson, who looks well-groomed, and rides for the iconic brand Hurley.

But of course you were excited when you learned here about Hurley’s exciting new product offerings, a beard softener which features a classically surf bourbon and oak essence and a charcoal peel-off that mask eliminates impurities while, at the same time, refreshing.

Were you also a touch sad though? Like, that’s it? Only two personal care products, the first only for men and the second targeted to men?

Well, dreams come true and I’m honored to be the first to introduce Hurley’s newest offering.

Post-workout wipes.

These asexual moist towelettes are guaranteed to cleanse, hydrate and deodorize after even the most strenuous jog/bench press/squat/box jump and all with that undeniable Hurley fresh essence.

And I don’t know if I can imagine a better stocking stuffer for the gym rat in your life.

A beautiful new day.

Bilzerian (pictured).

Breaking: Famous influencer and “party boy” Dan Bilzerian gets barreled at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch!

Plus the scariest ghost story you'll ever read.

Oh but was this fated to happen from the very beginning? The exact moment that Kelly Slater laid eyes on a defunct water ski lake in Lemoore, California and envisioned a long, green barrel? Hindsight is, of course, 20/20 and so it’s easy to say, now, that Surf Ranch was always going to become a douche magnet but did you know that at the start?

Expensive, exclusive and gate controlled by the World Surf League and/or Kelly Slater.

A douche super-magnet the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Wilmer Valderrama and Danny Masterson bringing their bros to the Playboy Mansion circa 2002.

Diplo has surfed the Ranch a few times.

So has Brody Jenner.

Dan Bilzerian just dried off.

I celebrated this past Halloween with a few wonderful families in Bel Air and was in charge of telling the twelve, or so, children a ghost story. The home that hosted backed up to a verdant canyon filled with trees, brush and poison oak and so we walked the children to its edge, sat them down and I began by telling them a macabre tale about how an old Indian (feather not dot) used to live in the canyon and made it his mission to create a human being. I then blindfolded them and passed around the eyeballs he created (peeled grapes), livers (canned peaches), heart (stewed tomato), etc.

There were many squeals and I hadn’t even gotten to the most horrifying bit.

The old Indian made every part of the body but could not make a soul and was so sad that his human being would never live. One dark and stormy night, though, a bolt of lightning hit the sack of flesh and the soulless carcass came to some sort of life and haunts Bel Air’s hills to this day.

It’s name is Dan Bilzerian.

“Kids, and especially girls, if you ever come across the Dan Bilzerian, spray mace in its soulless face and run far, far away…”

I was pretty pleased with myself.

Surf queen Ellie-Jean Coffey debuts new gal-pal, racing car driver and “millionaire porn star” Renee Gracie: “Ellie-Jean, who is openly bisexual, was seen bending over a table while Renee danced close to her bottom.”

"Renee was spotted groping her blonde companion's chest, while Ellie-Jean closed her eyes in apparent ecstasy."

Australia’s surf sweetheart Ellie-Jean Coffey, who pulled back the velvet curtain on a ten-dollars-a-month subscriber website two months ago where fans can “swipe up to see my vagina”, has been photographed getting titty-squeezed at a Gold Coast nightclub by new gal-pal Renee Gracie.


Gracie, a retired V8 Supercars driver (forty-eight starts, no wins) who says she’s made almost two-mill from her Only Fans site, was with Coffey at Sin City, a classy joint in Surfers Paradise where fifty gets you straight in and two-fifty reserves a table. 

From The Daily Mail,

Arriving hand-in-hand at the crowded venue, former V8 supercar driver Renee, 25, and ex-professional surfer Ellie-Jean, 25, turned heads as they danced wildly together and struck risqué poses for the cameras At one stage, Renee was spotted groping her blonde companion’s chest, while Ellie-Jean closed her eyes in apparent ecstasy.  Ellie-Jean, who is openly bisexual, was also seen bending over a table while Renee danced close to her bottom.  

Examine photos here. 

Subscribe to Renee (“best pussy”), here, EJ (“rubbing your cum all over my tits”) here, or one of her sisters here.

Also in EJ-C news, the sexual assault survivor who lives in a truck has found a fan in eleven-time world  champion Kelly Slater, whose recent relationship movements have been well-documented, here, here and here.


Western Australian Bodyboarder killed in “very unusual” shallow water attack” by twelve-foot shark; police fire shots, fail to disperse shark which lingered near shore for thirty-minutes… 

"Pretty horrific."

A bodyboarder in his fifties was hit and killed by a twelve-foot shark at Cable Beach, a pretty and mostly waveless beach two thousand clicks north of Perth, on Sunday.  

Charles Cernobori was a hundred feet offshore when the animal, likely a tiger or bull shark ‘cause Whites tend to do a u-turn when they hit Exmouth a thousand kilometres south, attacked.

A couple went to help Cernobori after they saw “trashing” in the water, pulling him to shore and calling an ambulance.

“Obviously that would have been pretty horrific for those people. It was very brave to enter the water and do what they did,” Inspector Gene Pears said.

Cops arrived, fired a volley at the animal, which missed, and the shark hung around for another half an hour.

It’s the first fatal shark in almost thirty years, since a pearl diver was killed at Roebuck Bay. 

WA Police deputy commissioner Col Blanch said the attack was “very unusual” for the area although Cable Beach is occasionally closed when crocodiles waltz through the area.

The man’s death marks the third fatal shark attack in Western Australia in 2020, following January’s Great White hit on diver Gary Johnson in January, and the disappearing of a local surfer by a Great White in October

Polish SCUBA enthusiasts, inspired by Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, build world’s deepest artificial dive tank near Warsaw: “Some sections simulate caves and others have a sunken boat!”

Under da sea.

I mostly keep my affinity for SCUBA diving to myself, but it is true, I am a big fan of the French art. Growing up and watching Jacques Cousteau then James Bond with tanks on their backs and knives strapped around their calves was more than my young heart could take and I got my dive certification as soon as I could.

The problem with the SCUBA diving scene, I soon found out, is that it is neither Jacques Cousteau nor James Bond but rather upper-middle aged, slightly overweight suburbanites who treat 60 feet below the ocean’s surface like another neat place to day hike.

Many colorful gadgets. Much slowness of movement.

Well, maybe Polish SCUBA enthusiasts feel the same way as me and hope to bring the sexy back with the almost-finished DeepSpot diving tank just outside Warsaw.

At nearly 150 ft, it will be the deepest dive pool in the entire world and be stocked with cool features like caves and shipwrecks and if that won’t inspire a Thunderball scene than I just don’t know what will.

According to DeepSpot’s Facebook account, there is only one pool left to fill and then the doors can swing wide.

Not according to DeepSpot’s Facebook account, but we must assume, is the influence of Kelly Slater and his Surf Ranch. I’ve snowboarded an artificial mountain in Dubai and floated on an artificial river in Las Vegas but both paled in comparison to the artificial waves in Lemoore. Slater and his team raised the expectations for fake.

That manmade should be better than real and more fun too.

Slater almost achieved with his but the Poles most certainly will with theirs (see video).

I can say, without a doubt, I will be diving DeepSpot next time I’m near Warsaw with a very cool knife strapped to my calf.

Will you join me?