#givingback #localoutreach #protectourbeaches
(Editor’s note: Here, part two in a series where the
diary extracts of a climate activist pro surfer are opened to the
public. As revealed last week, “It’s been six months
since WSL heartthrob Drexel Wilson had an epiphany: climate change
was real, was happening now, and if someone somewhere didn’t do
something quick many of the world’s oceans would be rendered
unrippable. There and then Drexel slammed down his disposable
plastic smoothie cup and phoned his agent.)
July 25th
Quick hop up to Maui yesterday for a beach-clean in association
with WSL and some soft-drink guys. I check the credentials of the
soft-drinks company – don’t want to endorse some plastic-hawking
bozos. They’ve pledged to reduce the plastic in their bottles by
20% over the next 20 years. That’s the kind of commitment I can get
behind. I’m on the plane before the PR babe’s even rung off.
I’ve already filled one whole trash bag and insta’d 20 selfies
(optics etc.) when Nate turns up with a couple of the guys and a
few tall boys. Figure I’ve earned a break. Call around some
buddies. Bit of driftwood and the gas from Nate’s truck and viola –
a bonfire. Order some pizzas, more beers.
Woke up this morning on the beach with a cop blocking my morning
sun with a fine for littering. Pick up a trash bag and get to work.
Filled half a bag with beer cans when agent calls, meeting back in
So-Cal. No worries, local kids and the teachers arrive to help out.
I sign the trash bag and hand it to a ‘lil local grom.
“You wanna take over pal?”
He’s speechless. #givingback #localoutreach
#protectourbeaches
July 28th
Shaper turns up. New bamboo boards from Brazil have arrived!
EXCITED! Head straight out. Come straight in. Itching. Splinters.
Full-body rash. Get on the phone with guy in Brazil. No answer. Try
landline number. No answer. Strange. Feel woozy. Go to bed
early.
July 29th
Only 40 signature boards left in the warehouse. Shaper suggests
he knock out a few “disgusting hunks” just in case. I say yeah why
not. Just in case. First time I’ve seen him smile in weeks.
August 3rd
In the store browsing the Lewis Hamilton CBD and supplements
range when I have a Drexel brand brainwave. Drexel Wilson shampoos,
hair gels and moisturiser! With my looks and luxuriant curls
(Surfer magazine’s 11th Hottest Action Sports Athlete of the Year
2015) I can’t believe it hasn’t occurred to me before! I’m already
on the phone to my agent even as the cashier scans my pre-peeled
bananas and orange segments (the plastic tub makes a great wax
holder!)
“Shampoo with my name on it. All bottles made from recycled
snapped leashes,” I say.
“Just snapped leashes?” he says.
“And broken fins,” I say. “And ripped tail pads.”
“Tail pads rip?” he asks.
“Rip. Tear. Whatever. Let’s action that pronto.”
I hang up without even saying bye like in Hawaii 90210. Saving
the world is pretty empowering.
August 6th
Flax! That’s where it’s at apparently. Some kind of seed like
the dots on burger buns. And you can make surfboard cloth out of
‘em. Surfboards made out of seeds! WTF “I guess surfboards grow on
trees now!” Everyone in the meeting lols.
Marketing dork say the costs will be too prohibitive for my board
line’s target market: “They’re strictly vacation surfers,” he says,
“Dads from the suburbs mostly.”
“You saying my people are kooks?” I ask.
“Mostly,” he says.
Damn.
Marketing Dork is pure ice.
August 20th
Turns out there aren’t many snapped leashes and ripped tail pads
knocking about. Projected stock levels of the Drexel Wilson
shampoo, face-moisturiser and shaving gel stand at 35 bottles.
Marketing dork’s not unattractive assistant mentions the soft drink
guys from the beach clean-up. How about a tie-in with them? Use
their recycled plastic bottles. So I do I pay these people for a
reason! Marketing Dork’s Not Unattractive Assistant mentions
something about gel and shampoo ingredients but I’m on my phone
checking the forecasts – East coast hurricane swell inbound!
Airport. JFK. Sickness. #riprecyclerepeat
August 30th
Flax to the max baby! The flax cloth boards are a go! Likewise
bio-resin. I really feel we’re revolutionising the industry here,
making history! And history has my name on it! But – surprise,
surprise – marketing dork’s still going on about production costs.
As usual it’s Drex to the rescue, “How about some boards with flax
and bio-resin and some with flax but no bio-resin and some boards
just normal?”
Marketing Dork’s Not Unattractive Assistant suggests a
‘build-a-board’ model.
“But what if no one chooses the flax models?” I say.
“The answer’s in the question isn’t it?” says Marketing
Dork.
Too cryptic. Headache. Smash a bit of CBD and head to the office
meditation room.
September 10th
My agent calls just as I get off the plane from Fiji. Good news!
Hair and skin care range is flying off the shelves! Interviews with
MNSBC and Business Weekly re: my commitment to the planet and my
astute business acumen. What can I say? It can be done folks! It
can. Be. Done.
September 12th
Sitting in the truck still dripping from a session at Trestles
when the phone rings: some hack asking me all sorts of questions
about the Drexel Wilson shampoo. She’s throwing all kinds of long
words at me about toxins and rivers and water tables and drinking
water in some town somewhere (Drexel Wilson drinking water?
Research).
I say something about plastic bottles and snapped leashes.
She says something about palm oil.
I say but palm oil is vegan isn’t it?
More long words! Words! Words! Words! I toss the phone out the
truck window. Stress!
Pull over for some air.
Go to phone my agent. Can’t.
Phone tossed out window.
Slam a bottle of CBD. Feel slightly better.
Not a good day. Can’t Surfer magazine’s 17th Hottest Action
Sports Athlete 2018 save the world without being harassed about
how?