Many twists, many turns.
As the WSL (somehow) soldiers on, it’s easy to lose track of of the absurdity of the last eight months.
Let’s examine.
July 17, 2020:
The WSL cancels the 2020 Tour, citing the “health and safety of athletes” and “the challenges of international travel.” While many lament the news, it seems rather prudent given the state of things.
Maybe a reset is just what the WSL needs.
In the same breath, the WSL introduces a new and improved Championship Tour. It boasts a revamped finals event (with a mystery location), new event locations, and kick-off events at Pipe and Maui.
The optimists among us muse about a finals event held at a tropical reef, but the realists remind us of a little cobblestone A-frame in Southern California.
November 10, 2020:
The WSL announces that the WSL Finals will be held at. . . Trestles.
Kolohe and Filipe rejoice.
The WSL also announces a myriad of new event locations for the 2021 Tour, axing Portugal and G-Land for Sunset and Santa Cruz.
The WSL never releases a formal statement regarding Portugal and G-Land. The November 10th press release simply reads postponed and TBD, respectively.
December 2020:
The first leg of the Tour kicks off, with the women at Honolulu Bay and the men at Pipe.
The morning before the women’s finals, a man is attacked and killed by a shark, putting the event on hold. Elo introduces us all to some new corpospeak, calling it a “shark incident.”
The women’s event is subsequently moved to Pipe, where the competitors opt for turns in lieu of tubes. Tyler Wright is crowned the winner of the Maui Pro at Pipeline.
Meanwhile, the men start the 2021 Tour at Pipe in pumping surf. Surf fans rejoice.
Then, the Billabong Pipe Masters is suddenly suspended as a result of positive COVID-19 tests “within the WSL staff, including WSL CEO Erik Logan.”
WSL viewers are largely left in the dark. Pipe continues to pump, unsullied by professional competition. Rumors abound about patient zero.
On December 15 the event resumes, albeit in smaller surf. John Florence banishes Gabriel Medina for the win and old man Slater takes a third place finish alongside Italo.
January 5, 2021:
Hawaii suspends all surfing competitions, forcing the WSL to cancel the Sunset Open and Jaws.
The WSL additionally announces the suspension of the Santa Cruz Pro, scheduled for February, citing the surge of cases in California.
Surf fans are left in the lurch. The next event isn’t scheduled until April.
January 7, 2021:
A Pulitzer Prize worthy bit of investigative journalism (snub of the year!) reveals that the WSL has failed to acquire the necessary permitting for the Trestles Final Event.
A finals event in California’s Central Valley seems more and more likely.
Kelly celebrates.
January 31, 2021:
Rumors abound of a potential CT event at Lennox Head, adding an additional contest to the Australian leg.
February 2-3, 2021:
The Lennox community rebels against the WSL, threatening protest paddle outs, while the WSL claims community support.
It appears the WSL has largely acted in the dark, leaving many community members out of the loop.
Surf journalism takes yet another step towards the edge of the cliff, with the likes of Stab and The Inertia ignoring the fallout.
Said community quickly mobilizes, forcing the issue to a head. Ballina Councillors reject the event.
WSL General Manager for Australia Andrew Stark says, “If you don’t want us to come to your town, we’re not coming.”
I mull staging a protest in Lemoore.
February 6, 2021:
The WSL quickly pivots, securing an event at Merewether.
The intention is to charter a plane for both Tours from Los Angeles to Sydney for a two-week quarantine in mid-March.
February 7, 2021:
Bells is cancelled, resulting in a reported $8 million loss for Torquay.
The WSL cites the government’s failure to approve a plan for quarantining the athletes.
The Newcastle Cup is scheduled for April 1-11. Mayor claims $15 million boost for economy.
February 15, 2021:
The WSL releases yet another updated schedule.
The new Australian leg will include events at Newcastle, Narrabeen, Margaret River, and Rottnest.
Snapper is the latest casualty, along with Pat O’Connell, who after only a year will be replaced by Jessi Miley-Dyer, the new Head of Competition.
Eight months. Six cancellations. Two Heads of Competition. Mass COVID infections. One “shark incident.”
Too many press releases.
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Didn’t even know who was in the state government til last year. Can’t wait to forget again mate.
Did I read that correctly that all incoming competitors will fly from LA? Isn’t that going to be an issue for some non-US citizens?
That is the correct reading, and yes, you’d think so.
Do you really think the “wozzle” is a mess because of political correctness? I mean I could probably name 10 other fuck ups they’ve made that are worse…but to each his own.
It’s like a bunch of pussy stand up comics crying about the “cancel culture”. Guess what, these pussies like Louis CK and Joe Rogan crying about it just makes the pussification of our society even worse! Nothing but pussy ass boomers!
“CRINGE PICTURE!” WTF does that guy need to run up, and deep hug that guy that way? Guy just won pipe, and some dude wants to touch wieners!? North Shore seems awfully gay these days.
I still don’t understand why Honolua was moved. As if there was an increased chance of another shark bite there just because there was one a day before. How much time officially has to pass before the risk of a shark bite is deemed to be lower?
elo is the virus
Any publicity is good publicity!
I think yes.
Serious question. How much you reckon Elo makes per year ? I’m guessing $500kUSD
If they have based his salary on meeting KPI milestones I would say he has made fuck all since the day he stopped sucking Oprah’s fat old chocolate tits.
This is the first time (I think) that the word ‘mull’ has been used in a surf-mag/forum, to not mean ‘weed’…
I take that as a compliment.
Seems a little odd to post the obituary the day after the rebirth.
That’s our boy, hobo !
I let his Grammarly subscription expire so he’s spent the last couple of weeks proof reading this one. He had to submit after so much time spent or Derek would dock his peanut allocation. Probably still a few fuck ups in this one despite the weeks fawning over it. Wouldn’t know – I didn’t read it. Love ya Hobbo
Spot on as always Wiggs.
Maybe this will convince Derek to re-up my account. I’ve been trying to tell him it’s a necessity but he’s not at as charitable as you.
I’m only fucking with ya Hobbsy it was a good timeline mate
No worries anyways; I enjoy the jabs!
Yeah, I suppose, but I liked the timeline idea. Same when some poor bastard gets belted by a Great White and y’run a list of recent shark hits.
Not attacking the WSL critique mind you. All the big leagues get taken to task by their fans – seems to lift whatever game.
I don’t know if his writing comes so Natural.
Not “Hobbit”?! Dammit!
https://images.app.goo.gl/D…
Jesus H Christ, are we still in 2020? A year so bad it’s forever Groundhog Day
Hahahar, “ya pay peanuts, ya get monkeys.” Hahahahar
I’ll forgive him Honolulu/Honolua coz spellcheck.
Lawyerly aspirations remain grim, however.
I’ve decided to lean into the whole middle America thing. Honolulu/Honolua is pretty much the same thing to a Michigander.
And yes, very grim, unfortunately.
Personally, I loved 2020. It was a wonderful year of work phones diverted to the Centrelink helpline and many days surfing without all the Melbourne cunts.
Crowds here were the worst ever, lots of guys looking like they were at the end of their rope, trying to find a little respite in the water. But on the positive side there were less backpackers around. And a whole year’s excuse to not have to see family. Bright side eh?
You in Newy?
Noosa
How has Vicco surf been?
Beautiful. I am meant to be in Noosa in August. I’ll let you run me over. I think most would say it’s been pretty shit down here. I’m still out there most days. It’s fucken hot so good to get in the water regardless.
I haven’t gone surfing at Noosa, but for one day at the Woods, (which was the only chance I got to surf with a mate while he was up on holiday). It’s been nuts the couple of times I’ve been up there for non-surf related business. Apart from it being a bit of a dud winter where the banks weren’t always up to the usual standards, the crowds have only been out of control weekends. We’ve been getting the Brisbane crowds while Noosa has been getting the Viccos escaping lockdown crowds.
Heard a story about a family that decided to get away from the latest 5 day lockdown and fly up to their holiday house. While they were in the air, the Queensland government announced a 14 day quarantine for anyone coming in from Melbourne.
Might have to dive back in and repair that lil glitch.
Ya can’t hold their hand forever, D.
Does em no good. Cruel to be kind, tough love etc
A little hair-holding while the birch is applied ain’t a bad thing.
I spose it depends on which way you’re facing. I wouldn’t know …
No biggie, just having a larf
Keeping me on my toes though; it’s appreciated.