WSL CEO Erik Logan.

Calls mount for COVID-positive WSL CEO Erik “Elo” Logan to resign after Pipe Masters suspended: “I hate to kick the man when he down, but in this case he’s lightly symptomed!”

"We knew you were a Flim-Flam man whose stock in trade was smoke and mirrors but all could have been forgiven and forgotten if you'd given us something. Anything."

I hate to kick the man when he down, but in this case he’s lightly symptomed and well, I know it’s being said all over the internets, but I think it’s passed time for someone to come out in print and say: “Time to go Elo”.

When you announced the Tour restructure I said I was all in, a true believer.

And I was.

It was great to see a blueprint for bold action on a moribund Tour. When the schedule was released and it was disappointing, allowances were made.

Even the Ikea Finals Day at Trestles could have been approached with an open mind.

Yeah, the corpo-speak meant we had to scrape the bottom of the barrel when it came to summoning up the goodwill to give your leadership a fair go. We knew you were a Flim-Flam man whose stock in trade was smoke and mirrors but all could have been forgiven and forgotten if you’d given us something.


But you blew it, cuz.

Big time.

And when you blow it big-time and can’t make it right it’s time to exit stage left. Give someone else a go. Give Starkey a go, while there’s still something there for him to salvage from the burning building.

We finally realised the key(s) to understanding the relentless corpo-speak. Well, for one, it was a smokescreen to cover your lack of understanding.

But more importantly, it was never really meant for us, was it?

It was all communication meant to placate Dirk Ziff. Because that is all money-men hear all day long. And you needed him far more than you needed us. Still do. You needed him soothed, that strong sense of responsibility is to him, not us. The Tour had no income, no assets; only a money bags with incredibly deep pockets.

No doubt the times have been challenging for you. Incredibly challenging, yes. That remains the truest thing you ever said.

Maybe the only true thing you’ve said.

But in a sense, if this does prove to be the fatal blow, these times have saved you from an even more agonising and drawn-out failure. The pivot to story, which you staked your leadership on was a failed gambit, almost from day one.

You served us up a bland gruel. Mighty thin. So thin, you could read a newspaper through it, as your fellow Okie Woody Guthrie sang on Dustbowl Blues.

Covid killed the story pivot and forced the hand back to the core business of deciding world champs. Even allowing for the fact that in the ensuing nine months you couldn’t come up with maybe the easiest mark in World Sport – getting together a bunch of top surfing talent on an island with surf and filming the result- the response was weak.

A Pacific Ocean filled with Islands and surf and zero Covid beckoned. That could have set the tone for a generation, maybe the masterstroke the sport has craved since the first Man on Man event at the Stubbies in ’77.

Instead we got drivel at Cabarita, a series of comps so boring and low consequence that even hard-core fans could barely be bothered tuning in.

For an Organisation that has played the “abundance of caution” card so long and so hard and made so much of it’s prepared-ness to resume top-line sport in times of the Covid it’s very, very hard not to trade in schadenfreude.

Literally, what the fuck?

How, Elo?

Did you break protocol?

Come clean man, for once.

You’ve got to give us a little more. Suspending production?

Until when?

Whats the story?

Is there a plan to get competition back on?

What is it? Is there X process that takes Y amount of time? Then give us X and Y.

Dribbling out info to the useful idiots at Stab ain’t gunna cut it, no matter how much positive spin they give you. The Whole World is watching, you need to come up with more than a goose egg day after day when people know Pipe is pumping.

If you don’t know what is going on, if the paperwork really is screwed beyond belief then you got to say something.

You have to. Silence and self-pity won’t make the grade.

Every minute this drags on without a resolution after you crowed about this Covid plan just makes the sport look worse and worse. It makes us feel like the proverbial half-sucked cock at a wedding, if I could be so base.

And that’s fine by me.

Ziff’s famous rising tide speech at the Watermans Ball has been over-taken by events. We can tell stories better than the Wozzle, Vlog better and if Ziff dumps the Woz in the incinerator someone will pick up the ashes and, phoenix-like, something new will emerge.

This plan of yours, to start the Tour off in North America with the ‘rona running as rampant as methed up stormtroopers across the Russian steppes. It seems, um, reckless.

And you found a loophole by retro-fitting the permits for the Pipe Masters as a film shoot, not a sporting event.

That could have come across as a masterstroke, but I doubt we would have ever found out because this new found zeal for transparency is only skin deep. Instead it looks sneaky and what precious little trust we had in you has been discounted.

Doesn’t sound like there was a great deal of excess goodwill to count on on the part of the Honolulu pen pushers either. They sound pissed Eric.

You wouldn’t be the first Haole run out of the Islands, and you wont be the last.

These are proud people and this is their culture you are whoring out.

To be fair, we all whore it out.

At the least, you have to make a decent fist of it.

You blew it Elo.

Time to get off the bus, Gus. Make a new plan, Stan. Drop off the key, Lee, and set yourself, and us, free.

"Oh fuck! I've done me-self a mischief here!" he says. "So this is how the Powerfish ends, I didn't picture like this, fuck me! What a dog of a cunt… . 'Oh god, this is it! Think about all the blokes I've fucked. I've got to get out of here."

Instagram influencer and philanthropist Willem Powerfish who “smashed surfing’s entrenched homophobia and patriarchal hierarchy” faces one-million dollar fine and seven years jail for sinking car and boat in river!

And tells cops, "My gumboot slipped and I accidentally hit the accelerator."

Two months ago, BeachGrit reported on Instagram influencer Willem “Powerfish” Ungermann’s brave attempt to smash surfing’s “entrenched homophobia and patriarchal power structures” via beach theatre and Jackass-style pranks.

Willem terrorised a D-Bah line-up on his bodyboard, at one point accepting a beach fight only to drop to his knees and tell his surprised fellow duellist, “I’ll suck you dry, mate.”

Between waves, he said to one surfer “I fucked a bloke like you once”, another, “You’re lucky my dad Rex isn’t here, he’d smash your pelvis”, another, “Heard of the Bra Boys? We’re the Flatty Boys. Instead of going around bashing cunts, we fuck ’em”, another, “You know why I like surfing? When guys wear wetties and I can see their dick”, another he asks if he’s seen Ross Clarke-Jones’ cock and says, “I’ve fucking sucked it dry.”

(William is also known for his philanthropy, recently delivering five thousand dollars to shoppers at a regional supermarket. Watch here.)

Terrific fun and many important messages.

Now, Willem faces a fine of up to one-million dollars and seven years in jail for sinking a car and a boat in the Tweed River.

“Oh fuck! I’ve done me-self a mischief here!” he says. “So this is how the Powerfish ends, I didn’t picture it like this, fuck me! What a dog of a cunt. Oh god, this is it! Think about all the blokes I’ve fucked. I’ve got to get out of here.”

According to court documents, when questioned by police, Willem said, “My gumboot slipped and I accidentally hit the accelerator” although he has since pleaded guilty to five charges including negligently disposing of waste causing environmental harm.

Kelly Slater, the world’s oldest living professional surfer and once the crown jewel of the World Surf League, becomes massive liability as reality of Covid-19 infections settle in!

Surf journalism.

Day 3 of the Covid-19 stricken World Surf League and what, just 30-odd hours ago, presented as shock and surprise has morphed into cold, limp reality. The whole business is still confusing with many more questions than answers. Why was CEO Erik Logan on the North Shore in the first place?

As far as I’m aware, he neither runs a camera nor calls the production from the booth. “Abundances of caution” etc. has been the WSL’s mantra since the beginning of the pandemic and a very big deal was made, during the two days of competition, about all the testing protocols and how safe everything was. In light of this, was ELo’s presence necessary?

Yago Dora?

Well, we can ponder together but, I’d imagine the cold, limp reality is now morphing into real worry as Kelly Slater, the world’s oldest living professional surfer, is still very much in the draw.

Slater’s age-defying greatness has long been the most marketable tool in the World Surf League’s box and has been used to great effect, attracting many surf-curious potential fans.

Now, it is a massive liability.

If there is one thing we know about Covid-19, it is that the elderly are more susceptible to complications etc. not that Kelly Slater is old but he is, factually, “old” not that he would have any troubles though he once “smoked” a cigarette.


Is that’s what’s holding up the “resumption” of “production?”

Much surf journalism is in order to get to the bottom of this unfortunate “suspension.”

More as the story develops.

Cox, masterpiece.

Zeitgeist-y: Australian super designer Hayden Cox collabs with New York artist Daniel Arsham to create world’s first “trans” surfboard!

"The most challenging surfboard I've ever built!"

Recently, the highly cited New York-via-Miami artist Daniel Arsham petitioned Australian surfboard shaper Hayden Cox to build an art piece for a department store exhibit in London.

Called The House, and squatting on a corner at Selfridges in Oxford Street, Arsham “has reimagined the typical family home (and the everyday home goods it’s filled with), to represent the distant future of 3019.”

Cox and Arsham.
Arsham’s The House at Selfridges, London. Cox’s piece against wall.

Cox’s piece is a ninety-pound (forty kg), solid-resin trans-surfboard, mold-cast and hand sculptured.

Per Hayden’s blog,

This is by far the most challenging surfboard I’ve ever built. We tried and failed about 3 times before it finally got there. There are no shortcuts when working with resin in this form. This particular board is a non-functional art piece, however adding to the fun challenges of this project,  I’m excited to release what’s to come on the performance surfboard sides of things. Definitely our coolest collab yet.

The clear board sculpture is currently on display in Selfridges London as part of  ‘The House’ by Daniel Arsham. It is for sale for collectors/the public by direct enquiry only.

Cox and his masterpiece.

Think y’might be seeing a few of these in the water?

I was told by HS,

“We are planning to release a limited run of a functional version of the transparent surfboards next summer! A few of the execution and methods are still being tweaked to perfection… work in progress and Hayden himself is riding and testing this week.” 

There could be, as Voltaire would say, some correlating themes here.

The destruction of Arsham’s house as a child in Florida by hurricane Andrew when he was just twelve forced him to move and was a traumatic experience, hence the “See through” house.

Would a see though surfboard protect us from our own “hurricanes” with rows of multiple incisors?

Ya gotta admit, it would enhance our Peripheral vision. 

Accusations fly, conspiracies flower, as heartbroken professional surf fans attempt to make sense of Pipeline’s suspension: “Kelly Slater’s unorthodox board choices was the only thing keeping me from the blackest despair!”

Blame Yago?

Pipeline was very good, yesterday, though no professional surfing was allowed. And by now you are caught up with the latest details. World Surf League CEO Erik Logan, and five of his helpers, tested positive for Covid-19 thereby forcing a “suspension” of the Pipe Masters in Memory of Andy Irons presented by Hydro Flask “production.”

“Suspended” and “production” because the business is being run as a film/television set which brings much irony to the one-time motto “You can’t script this.”

Heartbroken professional surf fans, having a beautiful contest with all the fixings (including Joe Turpel, 88, Kaipo) being so viciously ripped away, have moved quickly through the first three stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining) and have entered the fourth (conspiracy).

Who brought the Covid and how?

On Reddit, a user floated that Yago Dora tested positive in Brazil and the World Surf League helped him skirt regulations in order to get to Hawaii though the post was subsequently deleted.

I pondered it, anyhow, and decided that it doesn’t stand to reason as I can’t really imagine Yago and ELo hanging out.

Can you?

What would they talk about?

More importantly, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that “production” will “resume” Monday as long as ELo and his five Covid elves are locked away and did not infect anyone else.

I think that stands to reason and you read it here first.