Surf fan boldly weaves from staid narrative of cutting tour surfers by half, suggests ballooning to 200 per event: “Nationalism could save the World Surf League!”


If there is one narrative that has become cemented amongst grouchy fans of professional surfing, and its cadre of grumpy surf journalists, it is that there are simply too many professional surfers on tour. That the draw should be stripped back, losing perennial losers, the best of the best finishing in one swell window etc.

You’ve heard it many times because I’ve said it many times and likely written it more but yesterday evening found me minding my own business, scrolling through Instagram messages when I was almost punched off my stool.

Read with me.

I can’t disagree with you more regarding your desire for a championship tour with only the 10 ‘best’ surfers in the world. There should be more surfers on tour. In no other professional sport are there only 10 elite athletes competing. For example, 128 athletes compete in each tennis grand slam. More surfers, from more countries, makes professional surfing much more interesting. It would also mean more money for the sport due to increased viewership. A greater number of surfers on the championship tour also increases the chance of their being more characters in the sport. If someone only enjoys watching the top 10, there’s always the option of only watching their specific heats. More surfers on tour will create more interesting stories in surfing and more rivalries in the sport. The best ranked surfers aren’t always the most enjoyable to watch. I would like to see a minimum of 48 surfers on the CT, with 4 man heats from R1 to the final.

I parried, “Are there enough that aren’t boring?” and was directly hit between the eyes with…

Absolutely, the top 200 surfers in the world all rip, and are entertaining to watch. 4 man heats are always more exciting, there’s more action and more potential for drama. The key to growing viewership is having more countries represented on the CT. For example, when Tiago surfed, Portuguese surfers, and Portuguese sports fans in general, tuned in. The WSL needs a new format for the QS, that ensures each major surfing nation has at least one surfer competing on the CT at all times, this is easily done. The more reasons to watch, the more that will watch. More surfers, and more countries represented will do this. I’m already tired of watching Italo v Gab, imagine that for the next 10 years. Sure, they might still make every final, but along the way 4 man heats will provide compelling viewing for a variety of surf and sport fans all over the world. Nationalism could save the WSL.


Have I been wrong this whole time? Should the WSL explode its ranks and become a jingoistic free for all, flags waving, insults hurled, etc. Hooligan supporter groups?

Is this what the International Surfing Association does?

Am I missing out?


A close approximation of what Super Dad looks like.

Blue-eyed, blond-haired Australian surfer revealed to have sired an incredible 48 kids, “I was shocked that he had fathered 48 children, but we couldn’t be happier with our family and will never regret a moment”

Super dad!

Who doesn’t want a gorgeous little bambino to bounce on knee and raise to greatness, a realisation of all our failed ambitions?

I got three and if finances permitted, would sire many, many more.

For those who don’t have a stud, or find the idea of a man jackhammering ‘em full of hot mucous too hideous to bear, the answer to completing the genetic puzzle lies in an anonymous sperm donor.

And, today, it can be revealed that Australia’s most prolific sperm donor, known only by a serial number and his dreamy physical characteristics, a blond, blue-eyed surfer, has fathered an eye-watering forty-eight children, including five in one family and a handful of others living in nearby neighbourhoods.

But, and this is a doozy, the exploding number of “diblings” or donor siblings increases the chance that one of the kids is gonna meet, fuck and impregnate or get impregnated by their half-bro or half-sis.


Queensland’s The Courier-Mail reports,

Fertility specialist David Molloy told The Courier-Mail that 48 children was an extraordinary number of donor siblings from one donor, and was the most he had heard of “by a long shot”.

“It is usually planned that the mothers would live thousands of miles away from each other,” he said.

In the early 2000s sperm donors were allowed to service 20 families, but today the limit is 10.

Within the Queensland Fertility Group there have been 1500 births from sperm donors in five years.

The donors have no parental rights over the children.

When a donor child turns 18, they can seek out the identity of the donor.”

One couple Shannon Ashton and her wife Lisa, have got five of the surfer stud’s kids, aged one to fifteen.

“I did a lot of my own investigation about the sperm donor,” Ashton told The Courier-Mail. “I was shocked that he had fathered 48 children, but we couldn’t be happier with our family and will never regret a moment. I was attracted to the idea of an outdoor, fit and healthy man, and an Aussie surfer who also played rugby was ideal. And my kids are all very sporty.”

Schumacher (pictured) better times etc.
Schumacher (pictured) better times etc. | Photo: ASP

Former World Champion longboarder turned politician Cori Schumacher focus of fiery recall effort: “The sort of misbehavior and misdeeds she’s engaged in, it has no place in this community!”

"Pure toxicity."

Former world longboard champion, and the first openly gay champion, Cori Schumacher is in the fight of her political life as a fiery recall effort is gaining steam in typically dull Carlsbad, California.

First elected to the city council in 2016, Schumacher ran for mayor in 2018 but a core knot of her constituents are extremely angry.

At a rally last week, the Republican radio host Carl DeMaio declared they have all ad enough of Schumacher’s “vicious attack on residents and pay-to-play schemes with political donors.”

Happy Carl DeMaio.

“The misbehavior’s got to stop. The grandstanding has to stop,” DeMaio said. “The sort of misbehavior and misdeeds she’s engaged in, it has no place in this community. My hope is (that) other city officials in our region and across the state, take note. We will not tolerate it and you will be removed from office.”

A North County San Diego judge recently struck down a civil harassment restraining order filed by Schumacher against two Carlsbad residents, ruling the councilwoman’s actions violated their free speech.

This was but one of many things infuriating those seeking recall.

Katie Taylor, a Carlsbad small business owner, told The Coast News that Schumacher engages in race-baiting and filing restraining orders against her own constituents is “corrosive and divisive.”

“Cori Schumacher has been so divisive for Carlsbad,” Taylor said. “Everything is about race, she’s hurt small business owners, she filed that suit against her constituents … and she is toxic. Pure toxicity for the City of Carlsbad.”

Now, I don’t live in Carlsbad, though I do live close, and would, personally, take “pure toxicity” over “typically dull” every day of the week.

And, wow, do you remember when I thought science had proven Schumacher dull?

Boy was I wrong.

More as the story develops.

Injured New Zealand surfer (pictured).
Injured New Zealand surfer (pictured).

New Zealand’s Accident Compensation Corp. pays out $38m for over 27,000 surfing injuries; Kicks off “Preventable” campaign seeking to help Kiwi surfers calm down, chill out!

“People can avoid most injuries by taking a moment to think – have a ‘hmmm.’”

I stumbled on the most extraordinary information, today, and am still rubbing my eyes with disbelief. Get this, New Zealand, east and slightly south from Australia, very far west from the United States of America, has an Accident Compensation Corporation that pays its country’s surfers when they get hurt.

Pays them to the tune of $38 million spread around 27,000 New Zealander surfers, over five years, with 2020 being the highest single year with $9.3 million going to 5498 injured rippahs.

ACC, while seemingly happy to do, is also looking to lessen the surf to injury ratio and launching a new campaign named “Preventable.”

According to a recent interview, ACC’s head of injury prevention, Isaac Carlson, says it’s estimated 90 per cent of injuries are predictable and therefore preventable.

“People can avoid most injuries by taking a moment to think – have a ‘hmmm,’” says Carlson.

“It is all about taking a moment to think about what you’re about to do, what could go wrong and taking action to make sure it turns out well.

“We want New Zealanders to enjoy their lives and have fun with their whanau and friends and we want to put the wero (challenge) out there. We can all prevent most harm happening in the first place.”

I’m still reeling.

Becoming injured as a surfer in New Zealand seems like a viable career path.

Negatron? How much extra do you make at your injured surfer side gig? Ever think about going full time?

Very cool.

"We had a great way of life. We had a great way of life. We had a great way of life. We had a great way of life until the civil rights assault against our holy white Protestant values. It's an international Jewish conspiracy. May God bless us all."

“Storm of Hate”: KKK flyers blanket surf city USA Huntington Beach as rally organised by The Loyal White Knights of the Klu Klux Klan threatens to destroy town’s famous racial harmony!

"Racist terrorism."

Dirty ol Huntington Beach, home to the US Open, officially Surf City USA, is bracing for a White Lives Matter rally at HB Pier at one pm today. 

The rally, organised by the Loyal White Knights of the Klu Klux Klan, which was formed in 2012, self-describes as a newer, gentler version of the KKK, the white supremacist hate group defined by its profoundly unkind views of Jews, homosexuals, African-Americans, Catholics, Muslims and atheists. 

The Knights wanna “restore America to a White, Christian nation founded on God’s word”. 

HB has a rep for right-wing events.

There were wild scenes last May when surfers, Trump fans and conspiracy loons turned on beach closure laws.

“The Klan is coming here because they think that you will do nothing,” resident Lisa Marquise told City Council members. “They’ve seen racist bullies come to downtown this past year in one guise or another and face zero consequence.”

A spokesman for the local cops, Lt, Brian Smith, said that while the city didn’t sanction the rally, it’s protected by the First Amendment. 

Don’t matter if there’s Confederate flags, talk about lynchings, bags on heads, burning crosses etc. 

“That’s all protected speech,” Smith said, comparing the rally to anti-abortion groups that march with images of aborted bebes. “Even though that is disturbing and shocks most people’s consciences, it’s still a protected right they have to display those images.”

As a counterpoint, the city is running a Day of Unity event at the same time.

HB mayor Kim Carr said, “We can’t stop people from coming to the pier, and we’re not going to be able to stop people from hiding behind the First Amendment to spew hateful rhetoric that’s really divisive in our community but what we can do is counter it with these types of events.”

And, the local BLM chapter is running its counter-protest at the pier at eleven am, two hours before the Loyal White Knights. 

In a statement, the chapter’s leader Tory Johnson said, “White supremacy is not welcome here and we will do everything possible to prevent this rally and defend our community from racist terrorism.”