The Troubles.
If there is one place on earth where peace and love are guaranteed to reign, overcoming all odds, never fading, it is Australia’s Byron Bay. The quiet town of under 10k some 500 miles north of Sydney, 100 miles south of Brisbane, is an absolute dream with an organic açaí bowl in every stomach, a just-finished yoga session tingling on every limb.
New home of one-time Venice-adjacent surf publication Stab.
But horror of all horrors, the unthinkable might be happening as growing animosity between leashless and leashed longboarders threatens to break the community apart.
Per a just posted message to Byron Bay’s Facebook Community Board, Stephon London writes:
TO THE FUCKING WANKER RIDING HIS LONBGOARD WITHOUT A LEG ROPE AT THE PASS TONIGHT… YES THE ONE WHO LOST HIS GREEN LONGBOARD WHICH COMPLETELY SMASHED MY PARTNER LEAVING INABLE TO WALK NOW…
THANKS FOR HELPING HER ONTO THE BEACH THEN LEAVING HER THERE WHILE YOU JUST PADDLED OUT TO DO THE SAME TO SOMEONE ELSE… I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE BECAUSE I SAW YOU OUT THERE… IF I SEE YOU IN THE WATER TOMORROW ARVO YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A REALLY SHITTY TIME.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU DICKHEADS WHO THINK ITS COOL TO SURF WITHOUT A LEG ROPE!
IT’S NOT 1964 IDIOTS!
YOUR ENDANGERING EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WATER BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU LOOK HALF COOL. YOU DON’T YOU ARROGANT PRICKS.
SOMEONE WILL GET KILLED SOON FROM THIS BULLSHIT RECKLESS BEHAVIOUR.
At time of writing, over 100 concerned citizens and citizen-adjacents have weighed in. There appears to be very little support for the fucking wanker on a leashless green longboard.
But does he have the silent majority in his corner?
Many questions.
More as the story develops.
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How good are internet tough guys. Especially ones talking about dangerous sections at the pass
He should talk to Devon Howard
Shitty surfers should not log without a leash and all surfers should always be aware of shitty surfers logging without a leash. Looks like two shitty surfers met one another and behold, shitty drama ensues. Where I’m from, there are no shitty loggers without leashes. Byron should start regulating its own. I suggest, in order of escalation, the following: polite words, strong words, surround/yell/splash, and if that doesn’t work, well, then, there must be an accidental yet absolute destruction of the offending log. You’re welcome Byron Bay. Now, as the Brits and other former colonial possessions are so fond of saying: fuck off.
This must be a generational thing. So here’s a lesson kids….absolutely no leashes on a longboard ever! This also serves the purpose of dissuading folks from longboarding when and where they shouldn’t be. Also, all short boarders should aspire to going leashless whenever possible. NO ARGUMENTS.
The Troubles in a nutshell – The INLA – the leashless republican army with their green boards espousing freedom from tyrannical patriarchal systems at war with the LVF – the Leashed Volunteer Force who favor Orange resin tints, and bowler hats
No leash is cool for about two waves then it just feels the same. If u need to ride leashless to enjoy surfing it’s like a gateway thing, the next step is probably weed or heroin.
No, the next step would be riding naked.
Then who knows? Perhaps dancing or listening to non-religious music! Perhaps unchaperoned association with members of the opposite sex before marriage.
That way lies sin and damnation.
It’s very simple, the international laws of ocean salvage state clearly any abandoned craft / vessel becomes the property of the finder.
It may be returned on payment of a reward in due comparison to the price of said craft/ vessel.
The law is clear and concise.
Personally I wouldn’t expect very much reward for any leashless longboard I salvaged in the lineup without a rider.
After you run over them several times in the carpark with a Vechicle they don’t retain much value.
Chop them down into fish / fun craft.
Just smash the shit out of any leashless craft that’s been abandoned .
Throwing them over rocks or simply stamping all over the bottom are alternatives to dragging them up to the car park.
The law is on your side .
Salvage at sea, you find it floating free.
You own it
That’s a waste of a board.
No matter what the half-baked argument you justify your ownership with, unless it’s one of those Bic plastic shells, you’ve got to at the very least respect the craft of the person that made it, even if it’s a style of board which is an anathema to your personal sense of cooliosity.
Sure, my crack about chopping it down was facetious. If it’s already broken, then it’s a project. If it’s more or less pristine, maybe not.
But seriously, you would just hang out with it for a few minutes and give it back with a good telling-off and a warning.
Not sure ‘marine salvage’ would go down very well with the judge.
I would smash the shit out of it and paddle back out and not even blink.
I encourage all to do the same.
The hipsters will quickly learn to afford a Leash or surf a more appropriate place
Dear Stephen London,
You are an agresive fool. You are obviously upset because your partner has sustained a surf injury.
No-one has to wear a leash and if I see you trying to be a tough guy to leashless surfers at the pass or anywhere else I will put you in your place.
Surf accidents are very common and 90% of the time it’s caused by surfers who ARE wearing leashes. The amount of times kooks and hero’s like yourself bail there boards into people’s faces, drop in on people in dangerous sections or paddle through a lineup in people’s way instead of by the channel is ridiculous. These things happen everyday and cause hundreds of injuries. This has nothing to do with legropes.
I ride a Longboard without a leash and have done so for 20 years without hurting a single person. I’ve had so many incompetent surfers do the wrong thing and crash into me or throw thier boards dodging waves causing me to get stitches in the face. It has nothing to do with legropes if you look at the numbers.
Legally, no one has to wear a leash. If that was the case so would nippers, clubbie paddlers, people throwing footballs and frisbees on the beach, because all of these things can cause injury and damage when untethered. How about skateboarders at halfpipes and skateparks, should they be tethered? Of course not.
I suggest you stop surfing crowded Longboard heritage spots if you are a soft cock.
Surfing is a dangerous pastime on all levels. If this is to much for you and your partner maybe you should try chess instead.
I don’t use kookbook but feel free to direct this home and away wannabee to this post.
Whataboutism left right and center…
First of all, statistics doesn’t seem to be your strong suit:
YES, most surf injuries to third parties are caused by people with leashes. No surprise here since literally everyone but a few “chosen ones” use them. Your argument (in defence) that accidents are common and usually caused by people wearing leashes is therefore absolutely worthless. Like no shit sherlock, of course!
However, I’m pretty sure that if you compare two busy lineup with similar surfing demographics (beginner to pro distribution and boards surfed) where one is mainly surfed with and the other one without leash, you’d find more accidents occur at the spot without them. Don’t bother looking for evidence to my claim, I don’t think anyone has put any science muscle into the subject, so it remains a purely hypothetical point to discuss.
Now I know YOU have never hurt anybody, but you will have to agree that statistically (and otherwise) you are pretty insignificant, being literally 1 out of how many untethered souls worldwide? No argument again…..
What else did you come up with? Oh yeah, bogus comparisons. A frisbee is not a 9′ something mowing down a crowd uncontrollably, it’s following a straight line no ones in. Our brothers and sisters of the rolling persuasion don’t have to deal with 200 people just sitting there in the bowl / park / Halfpipe either. Im not gonna bother to address any other of your arguments…
Surf without a leash all you want buddy, but don’t do it if there’s more than a handful of people around. Blame it on the surf industry if that’s not really possible anymore.
Faced with the yay or nay question, simple common sense should usually point to “hmm maybe not”. Of course, if a heightened sense of individualistic expression and the “self” dominate ones spirit than everyone else will disappear in the warm fog of that “shit I’m so unique” feeling.
If my lady was injured by someone without a leash and that person doesn’t show a maximum of regret and intend to change his (surfing) life, I would show him how to use leashes in ways he didn’t consider before.
Hey, buddy! Yeah, I’m talking to you, pal! No shit, Sherlock. Vim and vigor. Now you’ve gone and done it and got my dander up!
Oh yeah oh yeah…. Mr. No shit, Sherlock, or maybe Mr. I Don’t Give A Shit Sherlock more like it. Let me tell you what would happened if you hurt my lady love. First, would be action. Not words, like “oh surf industry” and “that’s illegal to own… within city limits.” ACTION, Cunt! Second, I would not address any of your arguments. None. I wouldn’t! I would say, now we’re going to talk, Buddy because I’m not your pal and get used to it. Then I would ask my lady love how she was doing. THAT’S WHAT YOU DO TO YOUR LADY LOVE. You should have asked her that before you lost your cunt board that you road without a cunt leash and hit my lady love in her cunt head, Cunt! Finally, if she didn’t feel ministrated to I would pop you right in the nose, buster. What are you from the 70s???
Although glucuronidation is generally considered a detoxification pathway, acyl glucuronides are potentially reactive metabolites. They can undergo intramolecular rearrangement and are capable of binding covalently to macromolecules and contributing to toxicity, buddy!
Meet me between the swing set and merry-go-round, soc!
Ok… this is you… lalalalala i have all the stats. You don’t even know, bro. You don’t know and your about to catch heat, bro.
Edit: grammer
Now you’ve done it, bucko! I’m gesticulating wildly and demanding to know your area code! I’ll expedite your station and leave you 5%!
Just beware John.
There is always someone bigger and faster waiting
To put you “ in your place “
God it tickles my balls when peace loving hessians start going at each other. Much like when the little haberdasher in the felt hat got mad and mean spirited. Or when anti vaxx’r hippies disagree with former friends once they have a kid.
It’s like rolling a grenade down a ten pin alley.. fireworks and shrapnel assured.
Tell me more (poor kid tho)
How has BG missed these crimes
FR permanent brain damage?
Have had exact same thing happen at Pass with dickheads board just missing my young sons head only cause i pushed him under.
Told him how much of a cock he is and to his credit did meet me at beach to give me money to fix ding in sons board.
But still every day these arrogant fks march out there with no leggies.
I dont have a problem as much if your on a softboard.
Not pressing any buttons NB. I found myself well to many times dragging my boys through a line up they were not ready to be in. Just cause my experience level was above most in the pack. Now that my surfing is sub par and life has kicked me square in the nuts. I can see the truth in my past actions. Yep dick move!
Understand AL but i had son way down from outside rock for that very reason.
That runaway log travelled 100mts before getting to us.
As ive just recently had a guy bail in front of me out there and copped his board to my nose, id never take my kids out back so to speak at the Pass.
How people arent killed there with VALs having no idea and then being even caught by just a 3ft set is a miracle.
are you one of thioe cunts who pushes their kid into waves at the most crowded spot in oz? if yes, he deserves a board to the head.
Are you one of those cunts that think they can surf so dont wear a leggie yet bog every cut back they attempt so their board goes hurling toward the little kids you think your impressing?
Sounds like it.
Does it? Bizarre.
i’ll keep my eye out for you and yo lil cunt..
Bahahahaa,
You’ve spent 4 days dwelling on this after your last reply….too funny kat
nah. just got a reply…clicked the button, saw your lil angry rant and decided to heckle again. let me guess, you’re a carpenter from melbourne and you line up for coffee at the suffo?
But you already replied 4 days earlier with “Really. Bizarre”
Too much boutique beer will do that to ya.
Make my own coffee, live local and work for my own company.
Your good on assumptions, just a shame your always wrong.
But your obviously busy, putting some time aside now to keep an eye out for a man and a kid.🤣
No. I’ll keep an eye out for kooks pushing their kook kids in at the pass. Only like 6 of you dumb cunts do it. Easy to spot. And with your buttonshaw reference I’d say you’re one of those old dads. Prob 2 of you out there.
Obviously have some Daddy issues eh Kat.
Didnt get any love?
I hope you find me.
I’ll be on the lookout for the sook riding a shortboard at 3ft Pass thinkin he rips, even easier to spot🤣
ha. nice. i’ll just flick me board at any dumb cunt pushing their kid…then choke you out. deal.
Yep, like i said, definite Daddy issues.
heh. classic. my dad is rad. taught a lot of local kids. you’re a shit dad. ya kid gonna get run over.
Haha, is that supposed to impress me? Taught some local kids.
Ive coached kids rugby for 15years i must be a superhero.
Shame he didnt teach you how to not be a fuckwit.
rugby and pushing your kid in at the pass. you are dumb as fuck. bet you pay $1300/week for a shit hole…but you live in byron!
Haha, https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
My daddy is better than your daddy🤣
Oh no Cat, my tenants pay me $950 for a 3bed shitbox on Bangalow Rd I bought in 2005, while i have plans into council to knock down and build 3 units on the block.
Local agent reckons i could get 1mill per unit.
Dont you just love Byron.
😃Your probably still living at home.
Talk tomorrow mate, this is fun👍
rugby, pushing your kid in at the pass, building units. you are a huuuge cunt. enjoy your bullshit.
doesn’t everyone “live at home”? nah, i live at work. moron
Bitter much bahahaha.
Oh i will enjoy it, that’s why i don’t have to live at work.
So who’s the dumb cunt again?
Talk tomorrow mate😃
you absolute zero. owned a house in suffolk since ’97 when my mum died. haven’t worked a full time job since 2005. the same year you blew in and paid too much for that bangalow rd house. last time my house on a 1693m corner block sold for $64 000 in ’87. tell ya story walking, cunt.
you reek of a tradie. might’ve fixed my pipes…..
was 16 when me mum died….think about that. you chasing what i was given.
Yeah cant say ive ever been given a house, i have worked for everything ive got ya sooky cunt.
What sort of demented bludger spruiks about what he has only from his mums death.
Nope not a tradie, but shows how fucked your brain is thinking they reek.
Own successful civil engineering company having projects here and abroad. Dont need to spruik about a property or share portfolio cock, but happy that i employ 23 people to help them get ahead.
But you sit around waiting for Daddys inheritance too come through too now and you can really look in the mirror and know how self sufficient you were.🤣🤣
Talk tomorrow after youve had ya bowl of lemons for breakfast man child.
Biggest faguar. Keep paying that mortgage, you fuckin loser. Blow in fajoot.
What’s the name of your company? Bet you don’t have one. Lying cunt
Living at work, are ya? Can’t even keep yo stories straight. Plumber for sure
Dad has a house on Patterson St. Gonna be tricky to decide which one to keep, which one to sell…
I wouldnt doubt you cant decide.
When youve done nothing but live off mum n dad for 49 years its hard to think for yourself i suppose.
Does daddy still pay your car rego too?
Sounds like a plumber slept with ya girlfriend some time, ya really hate em eh 🤣
Mortgage….
cunt 🙂
“I employ 23 people” brags about owning a house on Bangalow Rd…..worst spot in Byron Shire.
No cat, that’s you boosting about your block size at mummy’s house at Suffolk and Daddy’s on Patterson.
You 49 or 14. Bahahaha
such a dumb cunt. pay those debts, bruh. you’re sinking.
mum’s dead, it’s my house. should she have left it to a stranger? you simple cunt.
local teacher for 40 years….but you taught rugby. what a zero.
Wouldn’t want to hurt a snowflake
I love a good leash debate. Right along with should the women get paid equally.
No no no no
I got the FmF pipe for it. Were you out at Glamis?
He offers to kindly, with all due respect tell all of them he works out at Cobra Kai.
Yep, it got Trump elected
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind….a log for a log makes for an empty lineup. I support log on log violence.
Pretty ballsy to decimate someone, help her to the beach – leave and keep surfing haha
wetsuit fart backpressure look
The Andrew Mud Syndrome
Sometimes my logs go loose in the surf.
I assume they are eaten pretty quickly by fish.
We all live in a Brown Submarine …..