Juzzy Dupont, Jaws, January 2021. | Photo: WSL

Historic opportunity beckons for World Surf League and world’s best female professional surfers as Margaret River WCT event set to launch in Waimea Bay-like “twelve-to-eighteen-foot surf!”

Derek Rielly

By

Give 'em the stage and they'll dazzle.

Tomoz afternoon Main Break Margs, site of the fourth event on the abbreviated WCT calendar, is gonna light up size-wise, eight-feet, maybe a few ten-footers, twelve-to-eighteen if you prefer your size via Surfline. 

The spike is short, but it’s gonna be good, although nothing is real, as this local says, until y’see it on game day. 

For the WSL, the swell is a godsend after the nothingness of Newcastle and Narrabeen and gifts the company a canvas to showcase its commitment to its fav cause, equal pay, equal play for gals. 

Three years ago, the WSL, and I quote the presser, became “the first and only US based global sports league, and among the first internationally, to achieve prize money equality.” 

A good thing.

Tomorrow, some time around three pm, and after mowing through a dozen heats of the men in a building south-west swell, the WSL is expected, at least by me, to loose the best women in the world into serious Margaret River.

Courtney, Tyler, Bronte, Stephanie, Carissa, you know they got the skills to ride these bulldozers. 

Give ’em the stage and they’ll dazzle.

In 1991, Pauline Menczer,  body pretzeled with arthritis, had a swing. 

Four months ago, the big-wavers Justine Dupont, Izzi Gomez, Keala Kennelly, Paige Alms, Andrea Moller and Annie Reickert made history by throwing ’emselves into thirty-foot waves at Jaws. 

Will tomoz be a repeat or will the WSL squib it and keep the gals heats until the swell evaporates on Monday?

After an Australian longboarder called out event organisers for paying the women half as much as the men, debate was split, I think it’s safe to say, down three lines. 

Argument 1: I mean, prize money should be equal for men and women, obviously. Duh. I don’t know why this is a thing we still have to argue about in 2021 but here we are. (Jen See.)

Argument 2: the men have a way bigger viewer draw, more ‘eyes watching’, isn’t that really what the sponsors want, what the advertisers are paying for? It seems with the men, the sponsors, the advertisers, get more return, (more eyes watching, thus generating more income), for their investment. (Sam Waters.)

Argument 3: Scrap the menswomens division and have just one division so $ from both goes in one pot for the best riders be they men or women (sorry woke crew, I invoked gender something totally made up I know). Besides, it’s longboarding which is womanly so they should be able to compete. (Aloha 12)

The documentary Girls Can’t Surf was built around the premise that if only men released the jackboot from women’s necks and allowed ’em to play in real waves, you’d see an unprecedented shift in what was possible.

Big day tomoz.

Photo: Ruben Pina

Interview with a VAL: Two-time surfer famously posterized by style master Devon Howard comes clean in scintillating tell-all!

Chas Smith

By

God bless the VAL (sort of), God bless Devon Howard, God bless you.

Here, on your BeachGrit, we often speak about Vulnerable Adult Learners but we rarely, and by “rarely” I mean never, speak to them. Unless yelling in the water. Unless hate scrolling The Inertia and chortling words like “5 things I hate about you, more like it.”

A shame, truly, because as the great military strategist Sun Tzu said, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

Over the past weekend, the great style master Devon Howard was captured full spraying a shoulder hopping VAL. Yesterday, the video and images were posted to various surf Instagram sites, achieving a modicum of virality.

Today, I spoke with the brave WaveStormer.

I’m still soaking it all in. Am I enjoying it? God, yes of course! 100%! I can’t imagine something like this happening and not being able to laugh at it.

My story?

Ok, so I had surfed twice in my entire life before the weekend, in Santa Cruz when I was a teenager, and haven’t paddled out since. I’m a DJ and my boss, KC Campbell, and I were having a brief business call on Saturday when he said, “Hey, I’m going surfing at this spot in Malibu. Would you like to come out? You have to.”

At first I didn’t want to, but he’s my boss and it was Saturday so I thought, “Ok.”

I don’t own a surfboard, but my roommate just bought one from Costco for $50. I grabbed it, a pack of waters, a six-pack of Corona beers and headed to Malibu.

My first mistake, I parked on the wrong side of the pier and realized when I walked down the stairs. The tide was high, water hitting the rock wall, so I had to figure out how to get around. I waited for the water to recede then ran but as I’m running, the plastic ripped on my water bottles and I lost them, spilling everywhere, then I got pummeled by a wave fully-clothed. I’m soaking wet, my towel is soaking wet, sneakers soaking wet my water scattered.

This was going great.

I picked up everything I could and am looking for KC Campbell but can’t see him anywhere though can also see all the surfers in the lineup wearing wetsuits. I don’t have a wetsuit but that wasn’t going to stop me. I put my stuff on the beach, hopped in the water, stubbed my toe all clumsy getting in but keep going.

As I’m paddling out, this surfer says to me, “Well, this isn’t the best decision you’ve made, huh.”

I responded, “Because I’m not wearing a wetsuit?”

“No,” he replied. “In general.”

Once I made it out, I realized the movies are real. Surfer dudes are territorial and they must be realizing that I was a total newbie.”

I found KC Campbell in the water and he said, “Look, if you see a surfer coming at you, get on your board and flip over. You do not want to get in their way.”

Ok.

I was doing my thing and this nice wave came in. I saw this guy on the wave doing all this cool shit that I can’t name… the names of the tricks he was doing. He’s coming closer to me then he cuts the wave, or whatever it’s called, and sends tons of water in my face.

I think, “Ok. That was either unintentional or that guy is a complete asshole.”

I stay out for another hour, or so, observing, thinking surfing has a very specific and unique culture. A cohesive culture. Then I realized I had that spray-to-face coming. I tried to catch waves but never did, thought, “Fuck this,” got out to wash my surfboard off.

As I was walking the leash was dragging behind me and some dude says, “Pick up your leash. Surfers are going to think you’re uncool.”

That ship had sailed.

At the end of the day, sun setting, I passed my Coronas out to the surfers who were sitting around. One of them, a real nomad-type, saw how cold I was and offered me his jacket and hat then gave me a piece of art.

Everyone was super kind. I watched the sun go down, cheered the surfers on and had a great time.

The next day, KC Campbell called me up and said, “You’ve made it on Kook of the Day!”

I didn’t even know what a kook was but realized it is like a buffoon, a village idiot. I’ll take it. He called yesterday and said, “You’ve made it on Surf Journalist!”

Life is crazy but it was honestly a fantastic experience and I am so lucky to get a peek into this world. I’m working on a web series, actually, called Talking to Earthlings. It’s a show where people from all different walks of life talk about their experiences to help connect us as earthlings. We haven’t had a surfer, or any guest remotely close to that.

Maybe Devon Howard would be interested in talking.

He will be now!

And I dare you to tell me your heart isn’t warmed by this beautiful story.

One tiny layer beneath our crust, our grouch, is a generousness of spirit.

You know it’s true.

You know, each and every one of us, bleeds anti-depressive.

God bless the VAL (sort of).

God bless Devon Howard.

God bless you.

Listen: Come ye weary travelers, grumpy locals, and rediscover the fountain of youth in the form of a highly addictive talc-like powder!

Chas Smith

By

A love story.

David Lee Scales and I recorded another podcast yesterday morning. It felt, to me, like we had recorded one the day before that and the day before that as well. A non-stop, one-after-another, unbroken string blurring right into each other like a Kelly Slater produced Bad Religion song (read here).

These days, man. Flying. Going by so fast, too fast, and I wondered, out loud, at the beginning of the show, if our perception of time is not tied directly to our tastes.

To wit, at this point in my life my favorite foods, in order, are: 1) anchovies 2) whiskey 3) vodka 4) blue cheese 5) horseradish.

When I was a child, though, time moved so slowly. A summer would last a seeming three years. The school year a full thirty.

And when I was a child my favorite foods, in order, were: 1) Corn Pops 2) Lik-m-aid Fun Dip 3) Toaster Strudel 4) Eggo Waffles 5) Funyuns.

Time passage, or the perception thereof, must be tied to taste, no?

The fountain of youth a highly addictive talc-like powder licked off a stick not gross stink?

David Lee and I also discussed The People’s™ sponsorship of Caio Ibelli and I can’t remember.

Fun Dip time.

Listen here now or later.*

*Now n’ Laters were, and are, gross.

@sensitiveseashellcollector
@sensitiveseashellcollector

Revealed: World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater credited with massive success of melodic hardcore band Bad Religion!

Chas Smith

By

All-powerful.

Any surfer, worth her salt, will certainly remember the importance place that punk, and punk-adjacent, music occupied in our glorious pastime during the 1990s into the 2000s. A surf movie was not a surf movie unless it featured Pennywise, Lagwagon, Unwritten Law etc. and what a wonderful epoch.

I always assumed that the music elevated the surfing but it has been revealed, in the recently-esque published Do What You Want: The Story of Bad Religion, that the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater is responsible for the very popular melodic hardcore band’s success.

Lead guitarist Brett Gurewitz recalls sitting in his office trying to figure out how to expand the fanbase when his phone rang, Slater on the other end of the line.

Slater: Hey, is this Brett?

Brett: Yeah.

Slater: My name is Kelly Slater and I’m a professional surfer.

Brett: I know who you are.

Slater: I’m putting out a surf video that I’m going to sell at skate and surf shops. How much would it cost to put your music in it?

Brett: It won’t cost you anything.

Slater: Really?

Brett: Put as much of my music in your video as you want for free. I would be stoked!

Slater did and the rest, as they say, is history with Bad Religion going on to stratospheric fame, headlining festivals, selling out auditoriums, etc. and all thanks to a little boy with big dreams from Cocoa Beach, Florida.

And Paul Roach.

Heart-warming.

Silver Surfer: Underwater toxic waste dump “two times the size of Manhattan” discovered off the coast of Los Angeles!

Chas Smith

By

Hearty.

Southern California surfers are not typically known for their heartiness, but all that radically changed days ago when researchers from Scripps Institute of Oceanography at U.C. San Diego discovered a toxic waste dump over two-times the size of Manhattan off the coast of Los Angeles.

The territory covered was “staggering” according to Eric Terrill, the chief scientist of the expedition. “It really was a surprise to everybody who’s worked with the data and who sailed at sea.”

It has long been known that the basin between L.A. and Catalina Island had been a dumping ground for dangerous chemicals such as DDT for decades, The Los Angeles Times had records of the Montrose Chemical Corp. dumping DDT-laced sludge from 1947 to 1961, and a few barrels had been spotted on the ocean floor ten years ago but the over 27,000 barrels just discovered was completely shocking.

Many appear to be damaged and leaking.

Scripps chemical oceanographer and professor of geosciences Lihini Aluwihare, who co-authored a 2015 study that found high amounts of DDT and other man-made chemicals in the blubber of bottlenose dolphins that died of natural causes.

“These results also raise questions about the continued exposure and potential impacts on marine mammal health, especially in light of how DDT has been shown to have multi-generational impacts in humans,” she said.

Another study has just shown that over 25% of California’s sea lions have cancer, which is typically extremely rare in the wild.

Will these ugly findings deter Southern California surfers?

I think not.

The heartiest.

Take that Atlantic Northeast.

Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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