"Agua."
Famous international bodyboarder Cristiano Ronaldo made waves, overnight, by tanking the value of juggernaut Coca-Cola by $4 billion after he removed two bottles from his press conference table, plastered a disgusting look across his face, found a bottle of water and said “Agua.”
Ronaldo, best known for putting his body on a boogie, also plays the sport of soccer and was in Budapest, Hungry for the UEFA Euro 2020 tournament.
After Portugal’s win he sat down, per the norm, and readied himself to field questions from reporters but was stopped by two smaller than normal bottles of Coca-Cola that had been placed on the table. He slowly slid them to the far end of the table, as far as possible and spruiked his beverage of choice.
The market reacted instantaneously with shares of Coca-Cola plummeting.
A Coca-Cola spokesperson, trying to stop the bleeding, responded, “Everyone is entitled to their drink preferences with different tastes and needs,” and also let it be known that Coca-Cola also owns water brands.
4 billion dollars.
Whew.
It makes me wonder about the general star power of our surfers. If Gabriel Medina, say, removed a box of Barefoot Wine from his post-Surf Ranch presser would the stock go down?
What if John John Florence removed it?
Kolohe Andino?
Carissa Moore?
Kelly Slater?
If they all removed a box of Barefoot Wine together could they tank the brand entirely?
I’m smelling another crowdfund…
More as the story develops.
When the English were building the Suez Canal, the wanted to work nonstop through the day. The Muslims coined the phrase, “Only a mad dog and Englishman work in the noon day sun”. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I live here in the valley. When it’s over 105 your body simply cannot cool off and your brain thinks really strange things. The idea of consuming alcohol is revolting. I work as a landscaper and you drink and drink water and you won’t pee at all because you are sweating it all out. In the water, the sun comes from above but also from reflections. You get burned in odd places. Under you chin, armpits, your nostrils. It’s no joke.
Siestas aren’t a cultural thing. I learned long ago resting from 2-5 will reinvigorate you.
Kelly theatrically guzzled a purps after winning the greatest heat in surfing history. No one has seen a purps since.
Proof once again that bittyboarders are the true influencers of our generation
Same thing happens when I overlook the Mrs Palmers marinating in the bottom of my bomby bucket.
Wrist leash strap, speedos and no fins is OG bodyboarding.
Kim Kardashian removed her clothes and made a career.
JOB could burn a can of redbull. Psyched!
top shelf journalism, again. get this man a crayon!
Thought this was unadultered clickbait as normal until i saw the photo – where the fuck do you come up with these things? Choice material as per the norm.
I’m sure it was Derek who put that photo there.
Bless him!
Yeah, I forgot this was Chas and Derek for a second. Sharks, Slater, Elo, rumor, repeat.
Anyone over the age of 18 should not be drinking coke, juice or water at all.
It’s scientifically proven that once you reach that age, all the important vitamins and minerals required for good health and a satisfying life are to found in beer, and meat pies.
In order to keep their competitors in the best condition, the wOsl need to introduce a rule stating that all surfers in its contests have to consume a can of the official wOsl beer, and a meat pie, during every after heat interview.
And to encourage the general public to join in this lifestyle choice, all the on-camera commentary team, plus guests (phone-in, or in person) should not be shown without a beer and pie in their hands…
Dane vs wade for the title.
They’ve been going woke. Now, they will go broke.
Buy buy buy!!
I tell ya what, the less than 2% drop from 242B to 238B sure had me concerned they might go under.
Jeep Surf Ranch Pro presented by Adobe
Wouldn’t have guessed that Adobe would be sponsoring this
I thought it was pretty weird. Someone must have found some obscure data point that suggests pro surf fans are consumers of creative software.
It’d be ironic if the wsl head office don’t pay for an Adobe sub and can’t create pdf’s for marketing of said ranch pro.
Well Elon Musk lost 20 billion overnight and it wasn’t because of His Saturday Night Live performance mind you.
Absolutely not!! Need something fresh and new.
Couldn’t even tank a surf related or surf adjacent company, let alone one unrelated to surf.
Hes a company man.
https://media.giphy.com/med…
Only a psychopath eats fried chicken without washing it down with a coke.
Sensible blokes wash it down with beer though…
The thing is KFC wants you to wash it down with a Pepsi (Pepsi owns KFC), which is sacrilegious.
Aye, ye need some sort of acid to cut through the grease. It’s some sort of carbonated cola or a dash of Palmolive added to ‘agua’.
KFC is gross (weird battery-farmed chicken) but a good fish supper (fish & chips) cut with Irn Bru… that’s the feast fer a man.
How about if slater removed a big wave ale… No a Corona, no a Michelob ultra…. I reckon they’d lose 10’s of hundreds of dollars.