Breaking: In a devastating blow to Kelly Slater Wave Co., American Wave Machines announces its Japanese facility will open ahead of Olympics!

Slater-esque limelight steal.

The upcoming Tokyo Olympics was, let’s be honest, supposed to be the grand culmination of Kelly Slater’s vision. Six years ago his pool was unveiled in California’s Central Valley, “a wave so perfect most thought it was a prank,” Derek Rielly recently writing.

Six years ago and exactly six years since surfing was shortlisted on the list of potential new Olympic sports to be rolled out in Tokyo.

The script was not difficult to read. Japan has small waves in the summer, Slater would build one of his magic tanks there, 2021, would be the lofty apex of his dream. “Surfing” and “Kelly Slater’s version of surfing” would be one in the same. Millions of people watching the wave that sprung directly out of his mind. Millions of people imagining a KS taco every time they imagined surf.

In 2018 Kelly Slater Wave Co., then recently purchased by the World Surf League, announced it was building a tank outside Tokyo.

In 2018 Japan announced that surfing would be done in the ocean, not a tank.

There has been no word on KS Wave Co.’s Japan progress but major competitor, American Wave Machines, has just announced that its pool will be open ahead of the Olympics for practice, limelight stealing and whatnot.

Per the press release:

– American Wave Machines, Inc. (AWM) announces that the final commissioning of PerfectSwell® Shizunami (静波サーフスタジアムPerfectSwell®) will commence at the end of the month. Located in the surf town of Shizunami, Makinohara, Japan, PerfectSwell® Shizunami will offer world-class competition surfing in a safe, controlled environment. The surf pool will also be available as a training platform for Olympic surfing teams.

Evan Geiselman, pro surfer and winner of the 2016 Ichinomiya Chiba Open, will be part of the commissioning team putting PerfectSwell® through the paces. New in Japan are software platform innovations like ‘Temporal Distortion’, a wave design parameter that will bring additional levels of control. “Temporal Distortion will lead to an entirely new selection of waves for both high-performance and learning applications,” said William McFarland, AWM Surf Programmer. “It will add shifting elements to the surf creating a more dynamic wave overall.” Other new features include upgrades to the system’s power response. “Start-up test results confirm that the enhanced performance response has been achieved,” said Lead Engineer Miquel Lazaro.


Is this the final dagger for Slater’s ownership of the future?

Is it officially over?

Karmic revenge for using his pool to bury the Li’l Plumber Adriano de Souza’s happiness?

Career Change: Surf coaches transforming into illicit marijuana vendors at alarming clip on island paradise of Bali!

Worrying trend. Or is it?

Twenty-two packages totaling forty-four kilograms of marijuana were seized, yesterday, on the island paradise of Bali. The operation was led by Bali’s National Narcotics Agency and began after “the police arrested a couple with initials C (aged 32) and his wife initial P (aged 40) who were previously fugitives for a similar case. During the interrogation, the information led the police to an attempt to smuggle a huge amount of marijuana from Medan, North Sumatra to Bali.”

The officer in charge, Brigjen Gede Sugianyar Dwi Putra, said it was the largest haul of his career though expected even bigger busts in the near future as “many people, especially those who have been relying on the tourism sector such as musicians, artists, surf coaches and even tattoo artists” are entering the illicit marijuana trade at a record clip due Covid-19’s devastating effect on the economy.

Surf coaches returning to Sea of Darkness roots, going back to early 1970s glory before there was even such thing as a “surf coach.”

The Oblowitz masterpiece begins with the Bob Dylan quote “To live outside of the law you must be honest.”

Who do you think is more honest, illicit marijuana dealing or surf coaching?

When I directed my own masterpiece, Who is JOB, I began with a Hemingway quote. Something about man wrestling the forces of nature.

Hemingway never said or wrote it.

Deep fake.

While you’re here, though, does anyone know a married couple, older wife younger husband, with the initials C and P?

Christian and…. ?

Chris and…. ?

Graphic: headless seal appears on popular Californian beach two days after local fire captain reveals area to be breeding ground for Great White sharks!

Healthy stocks of beloved, and iconic, fish.

Two days after a Santa Barbara County Fire Captain posted footage of Great Whites frolicking among waves at Santa Claus Beach near Carpinteria, a headless seal has washed up at nearby Oxnard Shores. 

Put two and two together, Occam’s razor and so on. 

“The Santa Claus lane area near Carpinteria is particularly bad,” says the BeachGrit reader who photographed the decapitated mammal. “Sharks becoming an issue…”

Headless seal, Oxnard Shores.
Spine revealed after head removed.

A few weeks ago, local man Jon Shafter shared footage that his son, Erik, shot off Santa Claus. 

“Between there and Serena (Loon) Point we saw approximately five different animals, all in less than 15 feet of water,” said Shafer, adding the Whites were mostly juveniles although there were a couple of ten-foot adults. 

(Watch here.)

Shafer shared the footage NewsChannel 3-12 to remind swimmers and surfers that Whites are coming closer and that they’ve grown since last year. 

One year ago, almost exactly, a drone pilot shared footage of Great Whites eating a dolphin at Padaro Beach west of the City of Carpinteria, also excellent viewing.

Italo's stunning transformation.

See: Italo Ferreira’s staggering transformation from surfer to Tom Selleck-sex-god-lookalike in GQ magazine!

Dirty, sexy, hot.

When Italo Ferreira goes to work he’s treated like the world champ he is. Staff will get him a glass of water or anything else he needs. The tech boys makes sure his headphones are clean, free of wax. 

In the water, crowds, privy to his reputation, part to watch his magic close up, examining his technique as a pervert studies nice seventies pussy hair on a retro video. 

Outside of the surf world?

Italo ain’t famous although that is set to change after his stunning transformation for the cover of the latest GQ Brazil magazine.

The metamorphosis is profound, from a man with a stubby handsome friendly face that looks like a surprised big-eyed animal to a slit-eyed sex god bathed in golden light, reminiscent of eighties television private eye Tom Selleck.

“When he steadies his body on one of the spectacular surfboards in his collection over the waves of Japan,” writes GQ, “the surfer Italo Ferreira will be celebrating a trajectory that began when the tide was not very favorable.”

“I had no idea what it would be like when I grew up. I could be a waiter, fisherman or fireman,” he says.

The just-turned twenty seven year old also recalls the time he invited a professional surfer, name not revealed, to stay at his house for one week after she posted on Instagram that she had dreamed about it.

Can you guess who?

Breaking: “Lucky” Leonardo Fioravanti appears set to be Olympic alternate for France, South Africa and Japan after qualifying for Italy ahead of Tokyo Games!

International man!

An international bombshell just exploded across the surf world as it appears that Leonardo Fioravanti is set to be Olympic alternate for France, South Africa and Japan after qualifying for his home country Italy.

That is three more countries than 11x World Champion Kelly Slater is alternate for, not to mention the fact that Fioravanti is already heading to Tokyo via Roma.

“Lucky” Leo’s relationship with Japan and South Africa is, currently, unclear.

His step-father lives in France though is Australian.

Per the International Surfing Association’s explanation of Surfing in Tokyo 2020: Reallocation of Unused Qualification Places

The processes in place to replace a qualified athlete for Tokyo 2020 should they not be able to compete in the Games are as follows:

If a quota place allocated is not confirmed by the National Olympic Committee (NOC) by the June 21 deadline for confirmation or is declined by the NOC, the quota place will be reallocated to the next highest ranked athlete not yet qualified at the respective event, respecting the maximum quota places of two surfers per gender per NOC.

If the athlete qualified through ISA Continental Qualifying Event – 2019 ISA World Surfing Games and/or Pan American Games 2019 – the quota place will be reallocated to next highest ranked athlete in the respective event provided the athletes are within the ISA quality control ranking (top 30). If no available athlete from the continents finish within the ISA quality control ranking, the place will be allocated to the next best ranked athlete, not yet qualified, regardless of the continent.

The deadline for the Final Entries list of participating athletes in the Olympic Games Tokyo 2020 (sport entries deadline) is 5 July 2021 at 23:59 Japan time (UTC+9).

After the sport entries deadline, where there are medical conditions preventing participation of an athlete, proven Anti-Doping Rule Violation (ADRV), a positive COVID-19 test, isolation or quarantine due to a COVID-19 infection or other exceptional reasons, the IOC, after consultation with the relevant IF and IOC medical experts (when deemed appropriate by the IOC), may authorize a permanent replacement of an athlete by another athlete only in the same sport and discipline and event provided the reallocation is complete prior to Surfing’s Technical Meeting, which is scheduled to take place at the surfing venue in Tokyo on July 24th at 3pm local time.

For surfing, in which the quota place is allocated to an athlete by name, the reallocation procedure will be initiated in accordance with the approved Qualification System for surfing. In this case, replacement athletes must meet the eligibility conditions and qualification criteria, must have been registered on the NOC’s ‘Long List’ of athletes eligible to serve as replacements, and must have no doping control issues pending.

Very cool.

World peace through Leonardo Fioravanti or am I somehow parsing that top list wrong? I’ll be honest, I haven’t read all the text that follows but assume it says something like “Leonardo Fioravanti can surf for Italy, Japan, South Africa and France assuming enough surfers get hurt.”

What if he wins gold, silver and bronze?

First time in Olympic history?

Kelly Slater very sad.

Joe Rogan, likely, indifferent.