St. Kelly as he will appear on Vatican produced materials post-canonization.
St. Kelly as he will appear on Vatican produced materials post-canonization. | Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector

Breaking: Kelly Slater doesn’t hate the Waco wave pool!

"I'll definitely pay you guys a visit."

The world’s greatest surfer is an accomplished man by any standard. Kelly Slater has won professional surfing 11 times, launched multiple brands including but not limited to K-grips, Purps, OuterKnown, Slater Designs surfboards, Gisele Bundchen and The Surfers. Most recently he has handcrafted, alongside USC engineer Adam Fincham, the most famous wave pool to date called Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California.

Of course wave pools have been around since the turn of the century but Kelly’s was far and away the best with its green barrel and delightful dairy farm scent. Nothing like it had ever been seen.

Since its debut more wave pools have come online using different technology, most notably the Barefoot Ski Ranch Cable Park in Waco, Texas. Many professional surfers have enjoyed and many non-professional surfers too who can pay the almost too reasonable $60 to $90 per hour for barrels and airs.

If I was Kelly Slater, a different inland wave pool pulling focus from my Surf Ranch would infuriate. I would burn with rage each and every night, laying in my Hawaiian bed plotting its destruction. I would loose spies to go and surf it and throw sand into its gears. I would write very nasty things about it on Instagram.

Humans everywhere are lucky that a pettily jealous man like me is not Kelly Slater.

For the real Kelly Slater went on to the BSR Cable Park’s Instagram feed and provided unsolicited advice on the following video of a surfer testing out wakeboarding.

kellyslater: Might want to round those corners!

It is a good point as the corners on the jump do appear needlessly deadly. He followed his advice with praise.

kellyslater: I’ll definitely pay you guys a visit. Congrats on it all. No hate here. I appreciate what you guys have done. But round those corners down! Especially for this kook on a wakeboard (me!)

Kelly is almost too good to be true, a model for all of us, but the fact that he drops “No hate here.” gives me small hope that he does spend at least some time laying in his Hawaiian bed plotting BSR Cable Park’s destruction.

Like I would do.

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Waterman of the year
Waterman of the year
8 years ago

I guess Waco just doesn’t give Kelly a Ziffy

oceanyeti
oceanyeti
8 years ago

If Slater and Goggins had a daughter, that would be she (pictured above). Slaggins

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
8 years ago

Most people deliver a shit sandwich with the shit in the middle.

astro
astro
8 years ago

It’s official: Humping turtles is now cool.

Hippy
Hippy
8 years ago
Reply to  astro

you missed PostSurf Astro…. it’s a story as old as time…. Andrew Mooney if I remember accurately.

astro
astro
8 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Heh – I was referring to KS remarks when the Surf Ranch opened and just before the Waco clips first appeared. He wasn’t so complimentary at that time.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
8 years ago

I for one hope he does buy a Ferrari just to piss the “haters” off.

Bummer_Dude
Bummer_Dude
8 years ago

Let me know when blink-182 plays at waco. Until then, we know which pool’s really for the core.

Mads Naeraa
Mads Naeraa
8 years ago
Reply to  Bummer_Dude

I just saw that. Does it get any better, Blink 182 at the Slater Pond?!?

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
8 years ago

That pool is about as handcrafted as his boards.

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
8 years ago

Slater slam and a featured comment, SCORE.

druharrison
druharrison
8 years ago

Umm, Slater has basically 00 dollars tied up in the Surf Ranch, Dirks the one thats bank rolling it now. Whether it sinks or swims, Slater will walk away OK. I can see why Slater might not seem too bummed about a little competition. Dirk might be a different story though.

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago
Reply to  druharrison

Maybe Kelly is eyeing off the Waco pool , and buy it?

druharrison
druharrison
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Don’t think Kelly could afford it, maybe Dirk could, but I don’t think BSR is willing to sell.

Stu Azole
Stu Azole
8 years ago

The pool is a perfect metaphor for Kelly – technically brilliant but boring as all get out. Waco speaks to the everyman.

Sampson
Sampson
8 years ago

old news Chas… and you call yourself a “surf journalist”

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
8 years ago
Reply to  Sampson

I’m very hungover.

Return of the Samsung Board
Return of the Samsung Board
8 years ago

Compliment sandwich, but without the top layer 🙁 somebody fingers get sticky

Otto
Otto
8 years ago

Bologna on handwich


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