It has been exactly one week, or thereabouts,
since the owners of professional surfing Dirk and Natasha Ziff were
feted at a grand Waterman’s Ball where they both received the
coveted Waterman of the Year award. Mr. Dirk decided it was the
perfect moment to stand up in front of his Surf Industry
Manufacturers Association peers and really accept much praise for
his World Surf League saving professional surfing from the slough
of despond and also light into “hater surf journalists.”
Even though his mic was unplugged he felt it important enough to
stand and shout (while Graham Stapelberg allegedly got into a
verbal altercation with the event site manager behind him):
And I ask you: Why (the hate)? It seems pretty obvious that
if the WSL keeps growing in popularity, and surfing takes its
rightful place among the great and elite competitive sports,
everyone connected with our sport, and certainly all the members of
SIMA, will prosper, except maybe a few grumpy locals who have to
deal with some new faces in the lineup. So…why not work
together?
Ahhh the dream of taking our place among the great and elite
competitive sports. So close now that Mr. Dirk is half in charge.
Right?
Maybe not. For today on ESPN, home of great and elite
competitive sports, the co-host of daytime programming introduced
an older clip from Nazare thusly:
Happy trails to the previous record for the highest wave
ever surfed. Yes some dopes from something called the World Surf
League claim to keep track of junk like that. This story is nine
months old but video obsessed millennial producers reminded somehow
that this guy Rodrigo Koxa riding this 80 foot wave off the coast
of Portugal…
Ohhh does that sound like a ringing endorsement? Some dopes from
something called the World Surf League?
If you were Mr. Dirk and had been spending every ounce of your
emotional capital rescuing professional surfing from the grip of a
few grumpy locals in order to deliver it to the likes of ESPN
except in its daytime programming, the lowest tier of any, a
co-host had no idea the WSL existed but knew it was staffed by
“dopes” would you feel bad?
Should Mr. Dirk feel bad?
I don’t think so. I think he should try on his grumpy pants and
join us in the gutter. The water is 80 plus!
Watch here!
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Here is another question. If the band Pennywise
(pictured) had never formed would surf film exist?
For the first time in recorded history the question
arises.
In approximately four hours I will appear on
the Sirius XM radio program The All Out Show hosted by “Rude” Jude
Angelini. The program can be found on Eminem’s channel Shade 45, if
you are in a rental car with Sirius XM, and I am much looking
forward to it though must say my rap knowledge is entirely lacking.
Thankfully, I will be chatting about cocaine and surfing so hope my
near encyclopedic understanding of those matters covers my
embarrassing rap void but thinking about it this morning has left
me with a profound question.
What is surfing’s soundtrack in 2018?
As far as I’m aware there has never been a question. The
Peruvian pan flute started us off in 3000 BC which gave way to the
ukulele around 1000 AD which gave way to Dick Dale’s steely “surf
guitar” in 1959 which gave way to Pennywise in 1991 which has given
way to… what?
Is there one sound that unites us all or does surfing mirror
popular culture writ large with its ghettoization?
Oh I don’t mean “ghettoization” in an urban context, merely in
its proper usage. There is so much for us to choose from in 2018
that folk are able to craft complete worlds around the most subtle
nuance and never leave.
But what are surfers listening to more than anything else?
Samba? The sweet sounds of Merle Haggard? Drake?
Help me before I get asked on air!
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Filipe, spicy!
Day One, Tahiti Pro: “Facebook reveals 1700
people revelling in Filipe’s mastery of head-high Teahupoo
Filipe Toledo, looks spicy, maybe headed towards
insurmountable title lead!
Greetings brothers and sisters of the eternal
sun. Welcome to a drearyish little day at Teahupoo with a
lackdaisical forecast graffitied over the Tahiti pro 2018.
I doubt a surfer alive wouldn’t straight away think: advantage
Toledo.
And if he did take Tahiti, then became almost impossible to stop
we’d all be balls deep in surfing’s most famous adult learner and
pro surfing bankroller, as well as SIMA Waterman of the Year*, Dirk
Ziff’s most-hated scenario. One, if I might add, that causes such
confusion to the legions of new surf fans, that being an
“insurmountable lead” in the World Title race.
The very real phenomenon of the confused new fan has its roots
buried much deeper in the structure of surfing as sport. More on
that later.For those short on time, the diamonds pulled out of the
days South Pacific digging as follows. Italo, brilliant in heat
three. Looking full strength. Biggest threat is injuring himself.
Wildcard for this year’s Title, far more likely than Julian, Jordy
or Owen for the next.
Gabriel Medina: scintillating. Very lofted tail-high punt with a
greased landing in heat four. Typical superior selection of deep
reef runners that grew down the line. Non-forecast dependent
outcome.
Julian offered a shaky performance in heat five against Parko
and Tahitian wildcard Hiquily.
Like you, I love propaganda wars and so am eternally grateful
for SIMA for awarding the Ziffs the waterfolk awards and smoking
them out of seclusion. Ever since I broke the news during Bells
2012 that it was billionaire heir to the Ziff publishing fortune,
Dirk Ziff, who was the mysterious money man behind the ZoSea
takeover of the ASP I have been itching to get an insight into his
thoughts and conceptual understanding of pro surfing.
To use the kindest, most constructive and non-cynical word I can
muster it was… queer.
I have to assume the speech was proofed but by who? How could
fake news like this clanger make it onto the public record?
“We continue to have an antiquated system for determining
world champions, in which all events count the same, and points are
simply added up until someone has an insurmountable lead,
regardless of when that happens.
This all too frequently results in confusing scenarios at
the end of the season. Many times since we have become involved,
the new world champion was sitting on the beach, not even at the
last event of the year, hoping for someone else to lose. This is
when many fans tune out.”
This just didn’t happen. Not even once, let alone many
times.
Twelve hundred engaged fans on Facebook watched a very
entertaining all goofy-foot heat eleven. Ice-blue tubes under
steely grey skies were threaded by Ace, by Owen and by Jesse
Mendes. Leads see-sawed until in the closing stanza of the heat Ace
speared one expertly then carved back into the best high rebound
hook of the day. That was the heat.
With a feeble South Pacific storm track in the offing
Commissioner Perrow strode boldly into round two. Julian Wilson
will rue that decision. The late-afternoon lineup had turned
somnolent on the high tide. Wilson opened with a mid-ranger against
injured Tahitian wildcard Tikanui Smith. Smith responded with a
similar score. Time, and Wilson’s world title hopes, seemed to drip
away from the heat in extravagant dollops. Smith caught a small
wave and took the heat lead with a low two. The Facebook feed, as
if it contained an algorithm that could sense Wilson’s humiliation,
had frozen.
JW sat in the lineup twitching and fidgeting like a tweaker on a
Friday night. He set his jaw into the maw of an uncaring Pacific.
It made me twitch; drama a wavepool will never be able to match.
The clocked ticked down and Julian Wilson lost having ridden one
wave.
That wasn’t the highlight of the day. The high point was a hard
hitting interview Rosie Hodge conducted with WSL CEO Sophie
Goldschmidt. Did you see? Did your jaw drop to the floor like mine?
Sophie said the focus for 2019 was iconic locations as long as the
reality of commercial considerations was taken care of.
Ok. No drama.
Then she dropped a bombshell.
She let fly a riff on Kelly’s surf ranch and the upcoming CT
event there. She said they would be monitoring the results and
we’ll “see how that features in the future”.
Huh?! I thought Soph was all in up to her eyeballs with “wave
systems”. That was the plan, to bet the house on the tub. Now we
find out it’s only a provisional commitment and the future is not
yet written.
Oh Soph!, you do know how to keep your adoring surf journalist fans
(me) on a string. Please tell me the tub is merely a novelty, maybe
a QS location. Maybe what it always was and should be: a toy for
billionaire adult learners and showcase for those with a messiah
complex.
I think more of the same for tomorrow surf fans. And I hope
Filipe wins (the Title) and doesn’t show up for Pipe. Sits on the
beach in another country sipping a rum cocktail while Ricardo hits
up the buffet, just so we can interpret Ziff’s speech as
prophecy.
*Not to forget Natasha Ziff as co-winner.
Tahiti Pro Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 12.23, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.00,
Joan Duru (FRA) 8.20
Heat 2: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 11.23, Ian Gouveia (BRA) 8.60, Jordy
Smith (ZAF) 7.70
Heat 3: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 14.84, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 12.17,
Miguel Pupo (BRA) 9.63
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.16, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 9.20,
Tomas Hermes (BRA) 2.56
Heat 5: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 11.63, Julian Wilson (AUS) 10.67,
Mateia Hiquily (PYF) 8.94
Heat 6: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.50, Yago Dora (BRA) 7.83, Tikanui
Smith (PYF) 2.50
Heat 7: Frederico Morais (PRT) 11.16, Willian Cardoso (BRA) 10.84,
Michael February (ZAF) 10.80
Heat 8: Michel Bourez (PYF) 12.40, Keanu Asing (HAW) 9.50, Kanoa
Igarashi (JPN) 7.56
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 12.96, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.17,
Mikey Wright (AUS) 11.17
Heat 10: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.83, Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 9.84,
Griffin Colapinto (USA) 8.83
Heat 11: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 12.66, Owen Wright (AUS) 11.47, Jesse
Mendes (BRA) 11.00
Heat 12: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 12.67, Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 8.76,
Conner Coffin (USA) 8.53
Tahiti Pro Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Tikanui Smith (PYF) 7.67 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 5.83
Heat 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.10 def. Mateia Hiquily (PYF) 6.67
Heat 3: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.00 def. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
12.94
Tahiti Pro Remaining Round 2 Matchups:
Heat 4: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 5: Griffin Colapinto (USA) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 6: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 7: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 8: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 9: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
Heat 10: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 11: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
Ridiculous oddities coalescing around
transportation?
So late last night I was flipping through the
news on my very little iPhone when I stumbled upon the headline
“President Welcomes Bikers for Trump to N.J. Golf Club for Rain
Soaked Rally.” The story continued:
As rain dumped on his golf club, President Donald Trump
raged on Saturday, lashing out at his Justice Department on Twitter
before welcoming members of a “Bikers for Trump” fan group to the
manicured grounds.
Dozens and dozens of gleaming Harleys, Hondas and other
motorcycles descended on the central New Jersey property for what
had been billed as an outdoor photo-op with Trump. But pouring rain
and flash-flood warnings scrambled the plan, sending soggy bikers
inside a crystal-chandeliered clubhouse ballroom, where Trump
signed autographs and posed for selfies and his guests booed
reporters.
And I thought, “Gleaming Harleys, Hondas and other motorcycles?
What the hell is this? Just because a diverse cross-section of folk
happen to ride a diverse grab bag of motorcycle doesn’t mean they
should self-identify as a group. It would be like…”
And then, then long minutes later, I was struck by a bolt of
lightening.
“…it would be like people who surf self-identifying as
‘surfers.'”
Son of a bitch.
Is this true? Is “surfer” as ridiculous a demarcation as
“biker?” I completely understand subsets like the Hell’s Angels or
Da Hui rallying around a shared set of specific principles but
surfers? Bikers?
I totally thought the bikers, with their Harleys and Hondas and
Polaris Slingshots looked completely ridiculous for those ten long
minutes. Giggling at how hyped they were on their preferred method
of transportation. Hahahah… shit. Now I wonder if the world looks
at surfers the same way.
And of course you recall three months ago, at
the very beginning of the northern hemisphere’s summer, when the
County of Honolulu awarded the beach concession long held by
Waikiki’s famous Beachboys to an outfit called Dive Oahu.
Oh there was much rage emanating from every corner of the globe.
The Beachboys are iconic, the very lifeblood of the Waikiki. The
owner of Dive Oahu, Brian Benton, was not from the island which
caused an understandable rift. You can read about it
here but it last night, in a wild twist, the man’s
house burned down.
Honolulu police have opened an investigation into a fire at
the Kailua home of the owner of the company that recently took over
the Waikiki Beach concessions, even as the Honolulu Fire Department
is unable to determine the cause.
HFD said it received the fire alarm for a home on Iliaina
Street at 6:08 p.m. Friday. When the first responders arrived a
minute later they found flames to the two-story home fully
involved.
Nine units and 34 HFD personnel responded to the alarm and
got the flames under control by 6:26 p.m., and fully extinguished
by 8:01 p.m. No one was injured in the fire.
HFD fire investigators were at the home today and estimated
the fire’s damage at $800,000 to the structure and $400,000 to its
contents. The investigators, however, were not able to determine
the cause of the fire and closed the case after classifying the
cause as “undetermined.”
HFD Capt. Carlton Yamada says undetermined means the
investigators analyzed all possible causes but there was
insufficient evidence to identify any one specific cause. He said
undetermined also means there was insufficient evidence to
eliminate other potential causes. He said the department can reopen
the case if new information becomes available.
The Iliaina Street home belongs to Brian Benton, the owner
of Dive Oahu Inc. The company is the vendor for two Waikiki Beach
concessions after submitting the lowest bid to the city.
Benton or his company manager did not respond to requests
for comment.
Dive Oahu didn’t take over the concessions immediately after
the city awarded the company two five-year contracts in April. One
of the other previous vendors, Star-Beachboys Inc., sued to prevent
the city from installing Dive Oahu. Star-Beachboys moved out in May
after a state judge denied the previous vendor’s request for
temporary restraining order.
The story is… intense! And do you think Mr. Benton is packing
what’s left of his bags in order to get on the first flight out or
do you think his backbone is steeled?
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
