Filipe Toledo, looks spicy, maybe headed towards insurmountable title lead!
Greetings brothers and sisters of the eternal sun. Welcome to a drearyish little day at Teahupoo with a lackdaisical forecast graffitied over the Tahiti pro 2018.
I doubt a surfer alive wouldn’t straight away think: advantage Toledo.
And if he did take Tahiti, then became almost impossible to stop we’d all be balls deep in surfing’s most famous adult learner and pro surfing bankroller, as well as SIMA Waterman of the Year*, Dirk Ziff’s most-hated scenario. One, if I might add, that causes such confusion to the legions of new surf fans, that being an “insurmountable lead” in the World Title race.
V much was confusing in Ziff’s speech but that did make me roll eyes (constructively, not cynically). Does it not take a Tour to make a Title? If so, and points are awarded is it not an inescapable rub of the green that someone could generate an insurmountable lead?
The very real phenomenon of the confused new fan has its roots buried much deeper in the structure of surfing as sport. More on that later.For those short on time, the diamonds pulled out of the days South Pacific digging as follows. Italo, brilliant in heat three. Looking full strength. Biggest threat is injuring himself. Wildcard for this year’s Title, far more likely than Julian, Jordy or Owen for the next.
Gabriel Medina: scintillating. Very lofted tail-high punt with a greased landing in heat four. Typical superior selection of deep reef runners that grew down the line. Non-forecast dependent outcome.
Filipe Toledo, very spicy, very confident, total heat control in heat six. Dickie Toledo getting very, very fat. I feel after Jonny Cabianca’s assessment of Medina’s physique it is oaky to mention the increasingly buddha-like appearance of R. Toledo. A quick flick to the Facebook feed revealed seventeen hundred people logged on and revelling in Filipe’s earned mastery of head-high Teahupoo.
Julian offered a shaky performance in heat five against Parko and Tahitian wildcard Hiquily.
Like you, I love propaganda wars and so am eternally grateful for SIMA for awarding the Ziffs the waterfolk awards and smoking them out of seclusion. Ever since I broke the news during Bells 2012 that it was billionaire heir to the Ziff publishing fortune, Dirk Ziff, who was the mysterious money man behind the ZoSea takeover of the ASP I have been itching to get an insight into his thoughts and conceptual understanding of pro surfing.
To use the kindest, most constructive and non-cynical word I can muster it was… queer.
I have to assume the speech was proofed but by who? How could fake news like this clanger make it onto the public record?
“We continue to have an antiquated system for determining world champions, in which all events count the same, and points are simply added up until someone has an insurmountable lead, regardless of when that happens.
This all too frequently results in confusing scenarios at the end of the season. Many times since we have become involved, the new world champion was sitting on the beach, not even at the last event of the year, hoping for someone else to lose. This is when many fans tune out.”
This just didn’t happen. Not even once, let alone many times.
Twelve hundred engaged fans on Facebook watched a very entertaining all goofy-foot heat eleven. Ice-blue tubes under steely grey skies were threaded by Ace, by Owen and by Jesse Mendes. Leads see-sawed until in the closing stanza of the heat Ace speared one expertly then carved back into the best high rebound hook of the day. That was the heat.
With a feeble South Pacific storm track in the offing Commissioner Perrow strode boldly into round two. Julian Wilson will rue that decision. The late-afternoon lineup had turned somnolent on the high tide. Wilson opened with a mid-ranger against injured Tahitian wildcard Tikanui Smith. Smith responded with a similar score. Time, and Wilson’s world title hopes, seemed to drip away from the heat in extravagant dollops. Smith caught a small wave and took the heat lead with a low two. The Facebook feed, as if it contained an algorithm that could sense Wilson’s humiliation, had frozen.
JW sat in the lineup twitching and fidgeting like a tweaker on a Friday night. He set his jaw into the maw of an uncaring Pacific. It made me twitch; drama a wavepool will never be able to match. The clocked ticked down and Julian Wilson lost having ridden one wave.
That wasn’t the highlight of the day. The high point was a hard hitting interview Rosie Hodge conducted with WSL CEO Sophie Goldschmidt. Did you see? Did your jaw drop to the floor like mine? Sophie said the focus for 2019 was iconic locations as long as the reality of commercial considerations was taken care of.
Ok. No drama.
Then she dropped a bombshell.
She let fly a riff on Kelly’s surf ranch and the upcoming CT event there. She said they would be monitoring the results and we’ll “see how that features in the future”.
Huh?! I thought Soph was all in up to her eyeballs with “wave systems”. That was the plan, to bet the house on the tub. Now we find out it’s only a provisional commitment and the future is not yet written.
Oh Soph!, you do know how to keep your adoring surf journalist fans (me) on a string. Please tell me the tub is merely a novelty, maybe a QS location. Maybe what it always was and should be: a toy for billionaire adult learners and showcase for those with a messiah complex.
I think more of the same for tomorrow surf fans. And I hope Filipe wins (the Title) and doesn’t show up for Pipe. Sits on the beach in another country sipping a rum cocktail while Ricardo hits up the buffet, just so we can interpret Ziff’s speech as prophecy.
*Not to forget Natasha Ziff as co-winner.
Tahiti Pro Round 1 Results:
Heat 1: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 12.23, Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.00, Joan Duru (FRA) 8.20
Heat 2: Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 11.23, Ian Gouveia (BRA) 8.60, Jordy Smith (ZAF) 7.70
Heat 3: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 14.84, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 12.17, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 9.63
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.16, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 9.20, Tomas Hermes (BRA) 2.56
Heat 5: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 11.63, Julian Wilson (AUS) 10.67, Mateia Hiquily (PYF) 8.94
Heat 6: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 15.50, Yago Dora (BRA) 7.83, Tikanui Smith (PYF) 2.50
Heat 7: Frederico Morais (PRT) 11.16, Willian Cardoso (BRA) 10.84, Michael February (ZAF) 10.80
Heat 8: Michel Bourez (PYF) 12.40, Keanu Asing (HAW) 9.50, Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 7.56
Heat 9: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 12.96, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.17, Mikey Wright (AUS) 11.17
Heat 10: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.83, Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 9.84, Griffin Colapinto (USA) 8.83
Heat 11: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 12.66, Owen Wright (AUS) 11.47, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 11.00
Heat 12: Connor O’Leary (AUS) 12.67, Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 8.76, Conner Coffin (USA) 8.53
Tahiti Pro Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Tikanui Smith (PYF) 7.67 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 5.83
Heat 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.10 def. Mateia Hiquily (PYF) 6.67
Heat 3: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.00 def. Willian Cardoso (BRA) 12.94
Tahiti Pro Remaining Round 2 Matchups:
Heat 4: Mikey Wright (AUS) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 5: Griffin Colapinto (USA) vs. Ian Gouveia (BRA)
Heat 6: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Joan Duru (FRA)
Heat 7: Conner Coffin (USA) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 8: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW)
Heat 9: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
Heat 10: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 11: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Heat 12: Tomas Hermes (BRA) vs. Yago Dora (BRA)
better muted
More retard patrol than pc… xx
It seems that so many of these guys are slightly sliding out or their fins are “catching” before doing their turns. It’s happening for guys riding both futures and fcs….wilko, flores, kanoa, coffin, rodriguez…seems the fin companies still haven’t matched the hold/consistency of glass-on’s.
We’ll have to wait till Heat 5 but so far it looks like Griffin Colapinto’s graveyard spiral may have commenced!
Cardoso’s caveman claim after his two second barrel was cringe worthy. Like the man, but you’d think Ali just knocked out Liston with that display.
Trivia facts… but this probably will shock SoGold
At this time he was no sustainable.
So… the lesson is
If you go sustainable… you’ll be bald
a great piece of surf journalism… is Chas working in secret for The Vikings from Venice?
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Please dont use the word ‘queer’ perjoratively.
Queer is a continuing moment, movement, motive—recurrent, eddying, troublant. The word “queer” itself means across—it comes from the Indo-European root -twerkw, which also yields the German quer (transverse), Latin torquere (to twist), English athwart.
In short, surfing IS queer.
so if surfing is queer, what is SUPping?
Straight. Vanilla. Zzzzzz
no room for a trad : strange, odd?
Always got room for you LT. snuggle in.
ok queer…
what if Rosie reached over to kiss Sophie during that interview?
Now we’re talking Facebook likes!
Looks like Julian Wilson won’t be “making a muscle” on the winner’s podium in Tahiti:
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
julione wavilson…
JJF in Portugal Longtom? Doubt he was hoping for anyone to lose though
You know that old saying: “When you’re a surgeon with a sledgehammer, everyone’s face looks like an opportunity for a shitty nose-job.”
Yep, highlight of the day for me was listening for little nuggets from Soph, further to the above she said rest assured we(the wsl) are listening, judging by the nuggets I would say they may be, expect a call Chas.
I gotta say I continue to be impressed by Sophie, she shows up. Her predecessor did not.
Youse can all put aside your strange takes on women for a sec here and take this on board I am sure.
Btw watch for the 2019 schedule. I will bet a lot of money that it will not resemble the original plan of Feb-Sept.
Upvote for use of “youse”.
Yeah but what board Nick? I mean volume? Tail shape? Etc All factors we need to weigh-up.
A channelbottom ?
We miiiiight be straying into the realms of unwanted sexual metaphor here James.
True . Seems that Nick has a fetish / strong appreciation for channel bottom ( boards ) ?
Unlike Speaker ,it appears that Sophie, coming from a tennis background ,has probably got balls under her skirt and is not afraid to serve them and coming from Albion , Ms Sophie is accustomed to traditional sports being played on organic home grown surfaces ?
Well we’ve reported on this extensively elsewhere but what the hell. You will all recall Paul Speaker being nudged aside. There were a few reasons for this but a big one was that the operation was absolutely hemorrhaging cash. Speaker was a spender. At the very first event under the new admin, the Quik Pro Snapper 2014, he arrived on the scene, took one look at all the shiny new furniture inside the sci-fi building they’d erected, and said, This is all shit, throw it away and buy a new lot. They did. CEO Goldschmidt inherited a tour that was a long way in the hole to its owner, so much so that a number of key employees had already decided to move on before the apparently inevitable explosion. Morale was a bit wobbly in parts you might say. Anyway since she stepped in and got on to the hard yards, the CT has stopped hemorrhaging cash and in fact is probably now in the black, a feat I would guess to be several thousand nautical miles ahead of any realistic expectation, and definitely beyond the skills of any bro-bro boy surfer hire in pro surfing’s history. Yeah she is very new to surf culture but gosh, maybe that is not a bad thing, like 99% of the ideas I read on surf comment boards re pro surfing’s future seem pretty fucking dumb really. There’s a lot to be vaguely horrified by in the WSL and its presentation of the sport etc but I don’t think Sophie Goldschmidt is one of ‘em (the lots of horror-producing things that is).
Thanks Nick .
All the ‘surfy’ decisions were done by her predecessors, publically she’s just regurging corpo speak from whatever sports she’s worked previous, nothing to be terribly impressed. Possibly they have lines of responsibility, silos to work inside, and quality control parameters in place that someone like Layne Beachly for example couldn’t figure out. It seems you’re now using her gender identity as an excuse. We just don’t want to hear a kook talk about surfing, never been about chicks..
When Sophie says “well see how that features in the future”, pretty sure that’s called ”covering your butt’, in case it does’nt pan out. But Im pretty sure the Wsl is ‘betting the farm’ on the Tank. It seems it might be the only way to dig itself out of the money pit called the Wsl.
Kudos to Beacgrit for a no-holds-barred assessment of the WSL and surfing today.
You will never hear anything like this from the lnertia boys, from Zack Alex or Dylan, they’ll sugar coat it to da max. They wouldn’t want to offend ole Dirk, and the gravy train called the Wsl. I believe their motto is what’s good for the WSL is good for the inertia
Is this the account you’re finally settling on? If so, welcome Dru!
Soccer Mom pulls Tour from Tub.
Alternative header.
Biggest highlight for me, Joey has rediscovered hoods !
Yes, they’re back !
Chris Cote on Willian Cardozo: “He’s like a surgeon with a sledgehammer !” Which is kinda true and not bad for Cote although earlier he disgraced himself because he threw an Oly in there for someone’s free fall drop out of a reo. So he ended up with a pass for the day. Only just tho’.
Barton always starts off strong but towards the end of the day just goes into blather mode. Maybe it’s the Joey effect, probably, the brain just starts shutting down.
And Soph – I saw the interview and was wondering what she reminded of, then it came to me – she’s a School Mistress ! Thoughtful yet impassionate and somewhat uncaring all delivered with a holier than thou demeanour.
Oh and Julian – what the fuck was he thinking ?
I. thought Barton was the opposite: started in full blather mode and made more sense as the day went on.
I was pretty tweaked on coffee this morning though.
You could be right !
I’m always in a daze after a bout of Joe. Things all enduprunningtogether
At one stage he said ‘highlinedowncarve’ and I thought he must’ve been trying to get someone very maggot playing WSL drinking games.
Do you think he was referring to a………….”cutback” in Californian English ? Skull !
Coté and Pete are ok but should never be put together as a team at any event outside the USA. I have never worked in Outside Broadcasting but how hard can it be to replay the two best waves of any surfer ( 5 + scores )at least twice, especially when they occur during a post heat interview or mid heat Ad break .I stayed up till 3am to watch one heat in particular . Took Captain America Mel and his Co(te) pilot 3 minutes to work out last year’s rookie of the year had taken off on one of the better waves of the day (scored a 7.67) even though we’d seen the wave behind rosy and ace during post heat interview. One replay , no view from the channel or inside the reef view, he backs it up with the second highest score of the heat . Looked liked my my 2year old daughter filmed it on an ageing smart phone it was so far away and no replay or positive comment except Coté who thinks a 3turn combo is a pair of turns . Longtom do you have any idea who controls the video content we see in live heats at CT events ? Apologies for the rant, but in this era of Instagram heroes, the presentation of events and how they are perceived by the public , are possibly becoming more important than the results ?
Cote almost name checked Wiggoly’s Paddling Style, but pulled up at the last moment.
How about near the beginning of round two when Pete spent a minute or two awkwardly describing the scenery in Tahiti and how he wouldn’t be surprised to see a few pterodactyl’s coming down the valley… Gold!
Yes wonderful to see that the ambassador of Santa Cruz is making references to Strider’s people from the “ Land of the LOST “ ?
Hmmm, how many surgeons do you know who could wield a sledgehammer with any degree of style/efficacy? Might as well have said “he’s like a small, malnourished sweatshop boardshort maker with a sledgehammer”.
My wife ! ( though she always denies being a descendant of THOR ) .Along with Australian Ex Rugby playing Orthopedic Surgeons .(all of them until recently )
Oh, I ain’t sayin’ there aren’t any, and I’m sure your wife is more than up to the task. I hope she doesn’t use any sledgehammers at work though.
True , she be more blade and forceps at work than Hammer ,but she has been known to get out the mallet at home repair time .
Mystical cave = instant fail. Sorry cote, but you said it.
I want to hear Torpid, er Turpel, screaming about “JAMMING IT UNDER THE HOOD OF THE MYSTICAL CAVE!!!”
you are out of luck, even the WSL is wise enough to keep Joeturpel and Mystical cave Cote on opposite sides of the draw. can you image the how quickly the listeners IQ would be sucked out if they put them on together.
let alone our poor eardrums under such nasal treble overdrive…
Missed that one, nice catch, Phat
Good to hear BL in the Ex World champ chair, far more entertaining and informative than his ex sparing partner. Rotate Potz out of the channel with strider.
any comment on the judges quickly adjusting the criteria after Julians loss to get Jordy through? was fairly surprised by the 5 then extremely surprised by the 8.. 4 to the shore getting into the excellent range at chopes just doesn’t sit right with me
I had no idea this contest was even running. Oh, the surprise gift of Longtom recaps!
More and more I’m having more fun with the old-school idea of pretending that video coverage does not exist, and LT’s / Mariano’s write-ups ‘in the magazine’ are the only way to get the information.
Just like ye olden days of yore. (You’re?)
Edit: I just tried to watch and was very bored of those waves. Shouldn’t run the place until the boat decks are greased with the reeking faeces of the terrified competitors.
Reading about this slop was much better than looking at it.
“Feces”
So, are we all just going to drop the fact that the judges ignored Pat G’s first wave? Poor guy, not even the judges care about him
did they really?
Sure?
Maybe the camo confused them.