"Who is the GOAT of FLOAT?”
It is hardly a secret that Kelly Slater, world’s greatest surfer, likely, greatest athlete, is the king of the withering put-down.
Instagram is littered with Slater’s clever ripostes to trolls kissing his button, as they say in fencing, gadflies constantly poking his mask until Slater is forced to knock the blade from their paw.
Last year, he shut down an historically inaccurate commenter with this coup de grâce,
“Writing me out of the blue talking shit is such a crock of shit. Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese. You’re on glue. You’re a miserable coward. And now you’re blocked.”
Yesterday, the former pro surfer and now Bondi lifeguard Clint Kimmins was featured in a throwback post from Pulse Surf, the account of filmmaker Justin Gane.
The year is 2000 and lil sixteen-year-old Clipper nails a wild floater on a board that, in comparison to today’s vehicles, appears overly long.
“One of the most perfectly performed floaters I’ve filmed on a meaty Kirra barrel back in 2000. Could have been a leg breaker. Who is the GOAT of FLOAT?”
Slater quickly jumped into the comments, perhaps alerted by the incorrect use of the term GOAT,
“Is that a 7’0”?” he wrote, a funny quickly liked by eight people.
Kimmins, now thirty-seven, and a triathlete of note, as well as a chaser of swells to Mavericks and Jaws, replied, “If I lend it to you I want twenty percent when you finally make a heat.”
As an explanation, Kimmins has a history of DM banter with Slater about boards.
“I’m always on his case about trying to get him on a late nineties model CI 6’1” x 18 1/2” x 2 1/4”. I reckon he would kill it and find a new challenge,” Kimmins says.
And, here, by-passing the traditional avertissement, or warning given for a small infraction, Slater goes straight for the black card, the most severe of punishments.
“Should we actually compare surfing careers and heat wins here publicly?”
Sword buried to hilt.
“You had to go there didn’t you?!?” replied Kimmins.