"Who is the GOAT of FLOAT?”
It is hardly a secret that Kelly Slater, world’s greatest surfer, likely, greatest athlete, is the king of the withering put-down.
Instagram is littered with Slater’s clever ripostes to trolls kissing his button, as they say in fencing, gadflies constantly poking his mask until Slater is forced to knock the blade from their paw.
Last year, he shut down an historically inaccurate commenter with this coup de grâce,
“Writing me out of the blue talking shit is such a crock of shit. Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese. You’re on glue. You’re a miserable coward. And now you’re blocked.”
Yesterday, the former pro surfer and now Bondi lifeguard Clint Kimmins was featured in a throwback post from Pulse Surf, the account of filmmaker Justin Gane.
The year is 2000 and lil sixteen-year-old Clipper nails a wild floater on a board that, in comparison to today’s vehicles, appears overly long.
“One of the most perfectly performed floaters I’ve filmed on a meaty Kirra barrel back in 2000. Could have been a leg breaker. Who is the GOAT of FLOAT?”
Slater quickly jumped into the comments, perhaps alerted by the incorrect use of the term GOAT,
“Is that a 7’0”?” he wrote, a funny quickly liked by eight people.
Kimmins, now thirty-seven, and a triathlete of note, as well as a chaser of swells to Mavericks and Jaws, replied, “If I lend it to you I want twenty percent when you finally make a heat.”
As an explanation, Kimmins has a history of DM banter with Slater about boards.
“I’m always on his case about trying to get him on a late nineties model CI 6’1” x 18 1/2” x 2 1/4”. I reckon he would kill it and find a new challenge,” Kimmins says.
And, here, by-passing the traditional avertissement, or warning given for a small infraction, Slater goes straight for the black card, the most severe of punishments.
“Should we actually compare surfing careers and heat wins here publicly?”
Smiling emoji.
Sword buried to hilt.
“You had to go there didn’t you?!?” replied Kimmins.
Crying emoji.
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Slater acts like a dick pretty regularly, the older he gets. Like he’s STILL insecure at age 5o. Why?
Someone please photoshop Ke11y’s face on a goat..
They will move the production of their thetan e meters to Thailand
Isn’t Kelly too stingy for the Church of Scientology?
Dr Eilly…seriously?!….
maybe an off-putting dick in the guts?
Should we actually compare books read and IQ level here? Publicly? Or point out that my girl friend is Chinese? Publicly?? How many eco-filthy wave machines have you built? Well, I’m waiting. And btw, mr nobody, how big is your eco footprint because mine is huuuuge! Just because I’m a big eared, bald fuck doesn’t mean I’m not fucking important!! Hear me?? Not fucking important!!!!
Soaped my mates kids board before a final in the junior world titles in bali once and then went on to win.possibly a bit cunty from an early age?
ouch
The kind of people that have to announce a block or an unfollow are very special indeed.
Has Krobbs post bone broth health status been updated here on BG ?
The last I saw, reporting had stopped (and maybe he’d carked it)…
” I can’t be racist…my gf is Chinese…” lol
I can’t be racist, my boards are manufactured in Asia
why has no one across the digital spectrum created a Slater emoji? and what would it be? this is a rich vein to mine methinks
Whatever an epidemiologist emoji is
as was mine lil Coco.
Does Slater do floaters at Pipe?
Gnarly, tearing an MCL was one of the worst pains I’ve felt.
I knew a soccer player in high school this happened to. The dislocated knee pinched a vein in his knee, cut off blood to his lower leg, and it got amputated.
Did Clint work at ‘Stab’?
Slater would have Crusty the Clown look if he grew out his hair.
Kelly’s a New Ager.. Didn’t we used to mock them? He can have his retreats. Maybe it comes with age, or baldness, who knows. Next you’re gonna tell me he’s buds with Tony Robbins. I kid The Kelly. Maybe he knows something we don’t.
Newsworthy!
Kelly’s a thin-skin forsure, but seems to me like Clint ordered the dish… not sure what all the surprise is when the restaurant delivers.
“Shall we compare amount of hair on my head to yours, you bald cunt?”, would be the ultimate reply.