The answer?
The VAL-pocalypse is truly upon us, each and every one, but how many brand new adult learners do you see around your local lineups each day? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? Seventy wouldn’t be out of the question and we surfers, we proud few who first paddled out before the age of twelve, are left with a real quandary.
What then shall we do?
Well, a brave soul in Georgia may have stumbled upon the answer.
Voodoo.
Georgia, directly above Florida and much like it except with a good college team, is not known for its surf but certainly has some and mostly on Tybee Island. Many surf schools there. Much soft top though also headless birds left on the beach and cups of blood.
Per a report from Atlanta’s Channel 2 Action News:
Someone is leaving what appears to be animal sacrifices on the beach at Tybee Island. Channel 2 Action News has learned that police have found headless birds on the beach five times in 2021.
“I touched one, but it sure looks like blood to me,” said a witness on police body camera video. “Yeah, those would be roosters,” replied the officer.
Police said two headless roosters and six red plastic cups with dried blood were found on the beach in late September.
“Oh, cups of blood! No, I don’t know if they were performing some type of ritual or what, but I don’t like it,” said Stephanie Keeler of O’Fallon, Illinois, who was visiting Tybee Island’s beach.
Channel 2 Action News filed an open records request with the City of Tybee Island and learned that headless birds were found on the beach five times in 2021.
“We don’t know exactly why it keeps happening. The way appears to be ritualistic, but we don’t know whether it’s part of organized religion or what the intent might be,” said Lt. Emory Randolph with the Tybee Island Police Department.
I think brilliant.
I think if we, each and every one, purposed to leave headless birds and cups of blood on our favorite VAL infested spots we’d soon clean it all up.
No?
A better idea?
Well, spill those beans.
Everyone starts learning somewhere at some point in their life. And that includes any arrogant egotistical surfer currently complaining about VALs. More experienced surfers should be trying to support the sport by supporting others.
Get over it the wave and the ocean are not yours no matter how long or when you start surfing. Go back to the valley man
Voodoo makes everything better. Volcanoe GOD likes Voodoo!
Emory Randolph is a great name
The Barney Fife of Tybee Island
So anybody who didnt paddle out before 12yrs old isnt a “real” surfer?
You egomaniacs are some of the most stuck up Karen’s of any sport. Always bitching about who’s who at “your” spot. You were new there also and I’m sure you appreciated everyone being an asshole to you.
I hope you guys never learn anything new, cause then your a VAL, and I hope you get ridiculed for it. Stick with your jaded group of surf Karen’s and do some more bitching. For the record I learned to kite because of this very reason, too many people surfing now, I still paddle on the quiet days, but I’m not about to make anyone feel like shit for trying to learn something, as I did, as you did, that would make me an asshole. If your such a “real” surfer you should be able to out paddle and avoid them, but you guys are just stuck up selfish pricks.
Could be, but what’s the cause of all the interest in surfing all of a sudden? People had a lot of time to watch videos the past year or so. And certain vloggers are pimping our sport and lifestyle for profit, getting rich and ruining our past time with kooks. They need to be called out and held responsible. IMO
There would be a tremendous amount of dead chickens in San Diego County. Every fucking wave in SD is a bullshit Val training ground weak piece of shit dribble fucking cunt of a wave🖕
Beheaded Vajonah Hill effigies?
Beak Grit
Summon the Chupacabra!
Just ask Travis about the chickens. Its johna and lady Chablie having a late night snack where he assumes it will go unoticed.
Hear me out- headless sharks instead of roosters…
A better idea would be to defund the clubbies and let nature take its course ….
Imnsho
Oh and a cull. Fucken hell – it’s obvious.
Surf nude. En masse. I’m getting the ball rolling down here, ten bucks each for the first ten individuals, twenty after that and so on and we reach a significant kitty then whoever surfs the entire length of the point and onto the beach wins. Seeing twenty or thirty dudes nude on the take off should fuck a few off. But yes, today surf nude. Start it.
Brazzo illegals
Dude go into the public toilet above Snapper on Sunday morning after a busy Saturday night. Fuck me, I’m choosing the toilet with the headless birds and cups of blood, that’s the cleanest cubicle by far.
JONAH DON’T SURF THERE!