Slater (pictured).
Slater (pictured).

World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater shockingly silent as Green Bay Packers superstar quarterback Aaron Rogers dragged though public square for anti-vaccine mandate stance!

But is it a ploy?

At 1:25 pm, California time, the NFL’s Green Bay Packers will take the field against the Kansas City Chiefs and there will be one dominant storyline. The absence of Packers’ quarterback Aaron Rogers who tested positive for the Covid virus earlier this week. Rogers at the beginning of the season told reporters that he had been “immunized” but had not, in fact, taken one of the three vaccines.

Days ago, last year’s most valuable player decides to address the situation directly.

“I realize I’m in the crosshairs of the woke mob right now, so before my final nail gets put in my cancel-culture casket, I think I’d like to set the record straight on some of the blatant lies that are out there about myself right now,” he told Pat McAfee of the Pat McAfee Show.

“It wasn’t some sort of ruse or lie, it was the truth,” he said about his being immunized, and if further questions had been asked “I would’ve said, ‘Look, I’m not some sort of anti-vax, flat-earther. I am somebody who is a critical thinker, you guys know me, I march to the beat of my own drum, I believe strongly in bodily autonomy.'”

Continuing, “I believe strongly in bodily autonomy and the ability to make choices for your body, not to have to acquiesce to some woke culture or crazed group of individuals who say you have to do something. Health is not a one-size-fits-all for everybody.”

Entirely Slater-esque.

Slater himself went on his own pro-choice campaign, recently, opening various fronts against Instagram commenters, doctors and his fellow professional surfers, telling Australian Ironman Matt Poole, “If I know the risks (informed consent) and I judge the choice to be one that benefits/hurts me based on stats and info and my own ability (health), I can choose accordingly.”

And yet, the world’s greatest surfer has been uncharacteristically silent since Rogers’ dragging began.

Not a peep.

Now, I’m no military tactician, but might the 11x World Champion have seen an opportunity to join forces with Rogers and the very popular Joe Rogan and punch through the fortifications of the pro-life side?

A real Battle of the Bulge moment?

Maybe Slater is waiting until 1:25 California time to announce the attack.

It would be wise.

Erwin Rommel-esque.

"Go home, child. There's nothing for you here." Photo WSL/Matt Dunbar
"Go home, child. There's nothing for you here." Photo WSL/Matt Dunbar

In darkly candid moment, Australia’s Julian Wilson declares that the World Surf League’s “Dream Tour” is dead, that Brazilian professional surfers will never again taste the ignominy of defeat!

Green and gold über alles.

BeachGrit is known to be many things, most importantly anti-depressive, but there is no way to spin recent dark comments from Australian superstar, one-time Championship hopeful Julian Wilson into light. No how to find any such silver lining as the black cloud that just emanated from his handsome mouth covers the sky as far as the eye can see.

For in a sit-down with Australia’s august Daily Telegraph the famous Wilson laid absolute waste to the World Surf League’s “Dream Tour” and also to the hopes any young American, Australian, South African, Frenchman might ever have of winning a championship for themselves.

His revelation of the dystopia came to him during this past summer’s Olympic Games in Tokyo wherein he got to see the future up close.

“The Olympics were better than I imagined,” he began, “And I just felt so much responsibility representing Australia … it was so much bigger than I thought — nothing like a surfing event and I was blown away.Even without spectators it is the biggest event I have surfed at. The athletes village, the Opening Ceremony … the athletes were like avatars, they were such specimens and so primed and just ready for their Olympic moment. And the Brazilians all year have been the ones to beat. With all the changes that have happened with the world tour and the competition schedule …the Brazilians have been too hungry. They are just tenacious and with the waves, most people would say a lot of the waves at world tour events were mediocre this year compared to the standard wave quality, but the Brazilians just stepped up. Until we go back to the full schedule of events they will be hard pressed to beat, they are used to making the most of messy, inconsistent waves.”

Wilson had time to ruminate on the poor quality waves and the Brazilians who surfed them so well during three separate isolation stints totaling three weeks and decided to step away, now fronting Oakley’s “Be Who You Are” campaign which encourages children “that they don’t have to conform, to be brave and embrace who they really are.”

i.e. not a surfing world champion if hailing from America, Australia, South Africa or France.

Green and gold über alles.

I'll be to the office a few minutes late...
I'll be to the office a few minutes late...

World’s greatest waterman Kai Lenny vows to make foils as ubiquitous in the ocean as electric scooters are on land in explosive Wall Street Journal expose: “It’s the fastest way to commute!”

Forward foot thinking!

History will look back on the 2020s as Kai Lenny Time and boy has it ever been. The Maui local, Jaws maven, is currently ubiquitous across our landscape. From creating a Metaverse with Facebook founder, and world’s 5th richest man, Mark Zuckerberg to announcing his upcoming twins will be girls at the aforementioned Jaws to appearing on the very popular podcast Dirty Water, the handsome waterman has been everywhere.


Can you imagine a better statesman for our fallen kind?

No and never and now Kai, and his brother Ridge, are vowing to change transportation forever.

In an explosive Wall Street Journal feature, the two discuss how they plan to change the very idea of transportation by making foils as ubiquitous in the ocean as electric scooters are on land.

I skimmed the story then got logged out and left crying behind the paywall but if you are a Wall Street Journal subscriber you can, and should, read every bit here.

Lachlan Murdoch will thank you.

If not a subsriber, what I recall is that Kai Lenny and his brother Ridge made a foil company, Kai “commuted” around very crowded Manhattan Island easier on a foil than on land.

How they want to maybe have others do the same.

I don’t know.

I was very busy dancing ballet today.

Great idea though as long as none of them are pretending to surf.

Commuting in Chicago etc.

The Gold Coast.

Manhattan Beach.


I defy you to disagree.

"Lemme heal you."
"Lemme heal you."

Surfer recovering from Great White attack just four months ago revealed as witness to yesterday’s horror Great White hit on Perth swimmer, “First time back in the ocean after my attack, so pretty heavy.”

"I literally stared straight into its soul."

A surfer hit by a Great White in June has been revealed as a witness to yesterday’s hit on a Perth swimmer by a Great White and, possibly, a Tiger shark. 

Alex Dodds, who is twenty-five, was spearfishing at Leeman, a couple hundred clicks north of Perth, when the twelve-foot White bit his leg. 

“Mouth literally that wide, and just teeth everywhere,” Dodds told WA press. “And its tail was just flapping behind it, full pelt, coming towards me. I literally stared straight into its soul, hey — like the eyes rolled back. [It’s] hard to make sense of at the moment. There’s been a few moments where I’ve been like ‘I’m so lucky, hey.’”


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A post shared by Alex Dodds (@_alexdodds)

Yesterday, he went down to the beach for his first post-op swim (one hundred stitches) when the shark, or sharks, a White and a Tiger as has been posited by some witnesses, hit the swimmer, a fifty-seven-year-old Port Beach local. 

“First time back in the ocean after my [shark] attack, so pretty heavy,” Dodd told ABC. “I just feel so bad, obviously, for the bloke and then the family as well, it’s just so sad.”

Authorities continue to search for the missing man.

Inspired by RiFF-RAFF (center-right).
Inspired by RiFF-RAFF (center-right).

Terror spreads in Waikiki after second surfboard rack set ablaze in as many weeks as on-edge locals rage: “I don’t understand why this riff-raff is existing here to the extent it is these days.”


Honolulu firefighters were responding, yesterday, to a fire burning up a magazine rack near Kalakaua Avenue’s Apple Store at 4:00 am when they were alerted to the fact that a much more destructive blaze was engulfing a surfboard rack half a block away, near the Cheesecake Factory.

They bravely rushed over to Nalu’s Storage and had the flames extinguished a mere fifteen minutes later, saving countless surfboards though were unable to save them all as a few dozen became blackened, melted.

Locals are outraged, baffled, by this unprecedented spread of terror aimed at surfboards as this was the second surfboard rack to be put under torch in as many weeks, the third in 20 months.

The owner of the facility, Maurie Feldberg, told Hawaii’s KHON News, “I just couldn’t believe when I got the phone calls and the news that this was happening. I don’t understand why this riff-raff is existing in Waikiki to the extent it is these days.”

Local surfer Charlie Roesner added, “As soon as I saw the yellow tape, I thought I’m afraid it happened again. And it’s just really sad because it’s happened three times now.”

A very disturbing trend which begs the question: Are these copycat crimes? The work of one deranged villain who hates surfboards?

Hates surfers?

Actual RiFF-RAFF?

Eerily reminiscent to the man who appeared to target cans in the 1979 horror classic The Jerk.