I'll be to the office a few minutes late...

World’s greatest waterman Kai Lenny vows to make foils as ubiquitous in the ocean as electric scooters are on land in explosive Wall Street Journal expose: “It’s the fastest way to commute!”

Forward foot thinking!

History will look back on the 2020s as Kai Lenny Time and boy has it ever been. The Maui local, Jaws maven, is currently ubiquitous across our landscape. From creating a Metaverse with Facebook founder, and world’s 5th richest man, Mark Zuckerberg to announcing his upcoming twins will be girls at the aforementioned Jaws to appearing on the very popular podcast Dirty Water, the handsome waterman has been everywhere.

Deserving.

Can you imagine a better statesman for our fallen kind?

No and never and now Kai, and his brother Ridge, are vowing to change transportation forever.

In an explosive Wall Street Journal feature, the two discuss how they plan to change the very idea of transportation by making foils as ubiquitous in the ocean as electric scooters are on land.

I skimmed the story then got logged out and left crying behind the paywall but if you are a Wall Street Journal subscriber you can, and should, read every bit here.

Lachlan Murdoch will thank you.

If not a subsriber, what I recall is that Kai Lenny and his brother Ridge made a foil company, Kai “commuted” around very crowded Manhattan Island easier on a foil than on land.

How they want to maybe have others do the same.

I don’t know.

I was very busy dancing ballet today.

Great idea though as long as none of them are pretending to surf.

Commuting in Chicago etc.

The Gold Coast.

Manhattan Beach.

No?

I defy you to disagree.


"Lemme heal you."

Surfer recovering from Great White attack just four months ago revealed as witness to yesterday’s horror Great White hit on Perth swimmer, “First time back in the ocean after my attack, so pretty heavy.”

"I literally stared straight into its soul."

A surfer hit by a Great White in June has been revealed as a witness to yesterday’s hit on a Perth swimmer by a Great White and, possibly, a Tiger shark. 

Alex Dodds, who is twenty-five, was spearfishing at Leeman, a couple hundred clicks north of Perth, when the twelve-foot White bit his leg. 

“Mouth literally that wide, and just teeth everywhere,” Dodds told WA press. “And its tail was just flapping behind it, full pelt, coming towards me. I literally stared straight into its soul, hey — like the eyes rolled back. [It’s] hard to make sense of at the moment. There’s been a few moments where I’ve been like ‘I’m so lucky, hey.’”

 

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Yesterday, he went down to the beach for his first post-op swim (one hundred stitches) when the shark, or sharks, a White and a Tiger as has been posited by some witnesses, hit the swimmer, a fifty-seven-year-old Port Beach local. 

“First time back in the ocean after my [shark] attack, so pretty heavy,” Dodd told ABC. “I just feel so bad, obviously, for the bloke and then the family as well, it’s just so sad.”

Authorities continue to search for the missing man.


Inspired by RiFF-RAFF (center-right).

Terror spreads in Waikiki after second surfboard rack set ablaze in as many weeks as on-edge locals rage: “I don’t understand why this riff-raff is existing here to the extent it is these days.”

Villainous.

Honolulu firefighters were responding, yesterday, to a fire burning up a magazine rack near Kalakaua Avenue’s Apple Store at 4:00 am when they were alerted to the fact that a much more destructive blaze was engulfing a surfboard rack half a block away, near the Cheesecake Factory.

They bravely rushed over to Nalu’s Storage and had the flames extinguished a mere fifteen minutes later, saving countless surfboards though were unable to save them all as a few dozen became blackened, melted.

Locals are outraged, baffled, by this unprecedented spread of terror aimed at surfboards as this was the second surfboard rack to be put under torch in as many weeks, the third in 20 months.

The owner of the facility, Maurie Feldberg, told Hawaii’s KHON News, “I just couldn’t believe when I got the phone calls and the news that this was happening. I don’t understand why this riff-raff is existing in Waikiki to the extent it is these days.”

Local surfer Charlie Roesner added, “As soon as I saw the yellow tape, I thought I’m afraid it happened again. And it’s just really sad because it’s happened three times now.”

A very disturbing trend which begs the question: Are these copycat crimes? The work of one deranged villain who hates surfboards?

Hates surfers?

Actual RiFF-RAFF?

Eerily reminiscent to the man who appeared to target cans in the 1979 horror classic The Jerk.


Swimmer “taken” by suspected Great White shark at popular Western Australian beach on twenty-one year anniversary of horror shallow-water attack at nearby Cottesloe, “We got out to get a look from a high vantage point and as soon as we did we saw a massive shark out in the water!”

Man swimming fifty feet from the beach disappeared by suspected Great White.

A male swimmer is missing after being hit by what witnesses described as a “massive” shark at Port Beach, a dozen clicks or so west of Perth. 

A chopper and marine rescue crews are searching for the man who was swimming fifty feet offshore when witnesses say he was “taken” by what was, likely, a Great White shark. 

Three ambulances are waiting in the carpark. 

A witness told the West Australian he and his pals had been surfing when a man in a dingy “came flying at us and screamed at us to get out of the water because there’s been a shark attack”.

Witness Kaiden Boult told the West, “We scurried out onto the rocks as soon as we got out to get a look from a high vantage point and as soon as we did we saw a massive shark out in the water. It was very big. Next thing you know there’s cops and paramedics coming out of everywhere, and they cordoned it off and said it was a crime scene.”

Another witness told WAToday he saw the man being circled by the shark before disappearing. 

The attack came on the twenty-first anniversary on the twentieth anniversary of Ken Crews’ horror death in a Great White shallow water attack at nearby Cottesloe Beach. 

Attacks by Great Whites, once a wild rarity in West Oz, have become wildly common. 

Last October, surfer Andrew Sharpe was disappeared by a Great White at Kelpies, near Esperance, south of Perth; that January, an Esperance diver was hit by a Great White and three years before that, still Esperance, teenager Laeticia Brouwer was killed by a Great White in front of her family at Kelpies. 

Plenty more, of course, but y’get the picture. 

Tons of Whites. 


Tom Morey with early booger.

Blood feud shock: Morey bodyboards suspends plan to release commemorative MACH 7 board following Tom Morey’s sad death, blind and broke, after backlash from family and pro’s, “NO WAY WILL I BUY THIS OR ANY PRODUCT FROM YOU, EVER, YOU F$CKING SOULLESS PARASITES.”

"With respect to his family wishes, we have decided to stop pre-order until further notice. Those who have placed their orders will still receive their boards."

Two days ago, the news that InterSport Corp, owners of Wham-O toys, was taking pre-orders for a limited edition re-release of the classic Morey MACH 7 following Tom Morey’s death was met with a hostile response from family and pro’s despite an undisclosed portion of sales going to the fam. 

From Tom’s FB page, 

“This is the Morey Family and WE DO NOT APPRECIATE THIS THIEF IN THE NIGHT ACTION OF THIS CORPORATE MOVE. THERE IS NO CONTRACTURAL AGREEMENT HERE TO MOREY FAMILY FOR THIS TYPE OF CORPORATE FINANCIAL GAIN IN THE MIDST OF OUT LOSS. 

“No, FUCK YOU GUYS,” wrote nineties superstar Nick Gibbs. “NO WAY WILL I BUY THIS OR ANY PRODUCT FROM YOU, EVER, YOU FUCKING SOULLESS PARASITES.”

Now, InterSport Corp, who own the rights to the Morey name and design, which also includes black rails and pinlines on bodyboards, has backed down on the planned run of 500 Mach 7s selling at a very reasonable, I thought, two hundred bucks a pop.

In a statement Wham-O President Todd Richards wrote, 

In response to the MACH 7 Commemorative Edition bodyboard, Morey Bodyboards would like to clarify following feedback regarding the pre-order announcement. 

This bodyboard is to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the first Boogieboard. And, with permission from Tom Morey prior to his untimely passing, was to be announced for pre-order with an estimated delivery in March 2022.

With respect to his family wishes, we have decided to stop pre-order until further notice. Those who have placed their orders will still receive their boards.

To the bodyboarding community, our goal was and is to celebrate Tom’s legacy, the bodyboarding sport, to encourage new boarders to experience what you experience with the ocean. We apologize for any misperception that our communications may have caused, as it was not our intent.

Kinda weird, still gonna make enough for the pre-orders etc. 

Are there any bodyboarders out there with feelings about this development?